India Trip Confusion

I would suggest you to carry at least in small quantities, everything that you need for your baby for atleast 5-7 days of your stay in India. That way, you dont have to go out fir shopping immediately after you land in India.

Your MIL or FIL need not have to go out to get things that your baby needs, and you will be spared of the whole drama that follows.

 

Hi @Prabh,

Congrats on your new baby! Which place will be more comfortable for your baby? Your mom's or in-laws? Is it easier to travel to your mom's place instead of your in-laws place?
If you have no other choice except to go to your ILs, you could ask your MIL to buy the baby things beforehand. Are you concerned she will ask money in return even for the baby things? If so, keep yourself prepared for this situation and ask your husband to take care of it. After this trip I assume you will be visiting after a year or so, so deal with it and let it pass. Plus, your baby should be your priority, not your MIL - during this trip or any other. So, try and keep yourself stress-free at your ILs place.

What is your husband's take on the FD? It is his child too and he can question his parents' behaviour directly. You didn't ask for money, you know how they are, so why worry about their behaviour?

Lock your doors, she will have no choice except knock!!

 

I never understood the logic behind NRI kids expecting parents to upgrade their homes so that their visits lasting couple of weeks are comfortable.
Let ur inlaws decide when and how they prefer to remodel. It isnt ur hubbys call

Makes complete sense. IF she has some money set aside to FD and u expect her to plunge that into a remodel what else do u expect?

Then by that logic any gifts u give ur inlaws are no biggie..they are ur hubbys parents.

yes but whos paying?

Dont. How do u manage when u come here from India after ur vacation? U do manage to head out to a grocery store right? Non-perishables to last a few days..take from here. Perishables...Wire her some money ..ask her to get the things delivered to the home...pay the delivery and make her life easy.
ask ur husband to head out to a store and get the supplies .
Can be done.

 

Dear op,

I am not much experienced in such issues, but I can give few suggestions.
Fixed deposit for baby is something they should be willing to do on their own. If they say can't do, tell ur dh to tell to them in a sweet tone, "its ok ma no problem we also have been thinking of starting a fd and we will do it". Don't discuss this further. If done should be done wholeheartedly.
About things you want to but for the baby, when you know her type better not ask her to get. Check if those items are available on online stores like Amazon, flipkart etc.. If so get it from there and make sure the delivery date is before you reach India.
When she enters your room without knocking and you feel uncomfortable make your husband say it to her as his own feeling.
Have a safe travel and enjoy your trip.

 

Money is a limited resource in most of the Indian families. Very few are financially strong enough to spend money on multiple things at the same time. Spending money on house and then fixed deposit may not be financially feasible for them. Though the idea of renovating the house or buying furniture and backing it up with "somethings at home that's for their benefit only and if they are spending money on home they are going to live there." gets diluted here if you guys are not sharing in the expense.

You wont be living there, so don't force them to get this done.
Remind your DH that he lived in that very house before moving to the states and that he should not find faults or try and change things for his aging parents now. For old parents it becomes hard to handle their cooking and regular activity when there is huge renovation or refurnishing happening. Usually refurnishing involves daily workers in the house asking for multiple things to be brought from hardware shops etc.

If they feel they need to do things for their house, they will do it when it suits them and fits in their budget. If your husband is paying for it, then its a different story altogether.

Also, on the FD. Sorry but I choose to disagree that they "should give". I am not sure how your traditions work but as an individual I would not say that they "should" give money because its the first grand kid. If they choose to give, that's sweet. If not, that is perfectly okay. Love should not be measure with big fat FDs.

You can give a list to your husband and ask him to go to the shops and bring whatever you listed down. For the first few days you can carry baby food.

You already have the answer in your question.

Turn the IGNORE mode ON. You are there on a holiday. So have a holiday and come back. Don't spoil it with confrontations and proving points. This will ruin the whole idea of a holiday. You dont have to win arguments and prove your points before you come back. such confrontations will cause unnecessary dramas and issues that will extend beyond your holiday - via calls and mails.

 

hi op,

I know with small baby it is going to be difficult. If she asks for money for buying things for the baby then fine, give it. Most probably they are retired, living expenses are high in India and cannot have additional burden. she is buying for your child. Maybe your parents can afford it and In laws cannot. give her the money without asking. I would do that.

We too buy all the household and groceries when we go to India. The only income my ILs have is FILs pension which isn't much. When we go there are 5 members. grocery purchase will be too much for them for 5 ppl. We buy most of the time, FIL pays too. We too eat and use those groceries then what is the problem in putting in your share.

About she coming and sitting in your room, might be a problem if you are keen on privacy. But the thing is, she seeing all of you after a year atleast. She wants to spend time with you. ILs too want your company. Spend time with them. Is she a mean MIL that you can't sit with her and talk? She is just seeking your company, give it. They are alone throughout the year or years. Vacation time is only a month, after that you can have all private moments after you come back. Be a bit more considerate towards them. how many years they have.

just my opinion.Sorry op if you don't like it.

 

Op....it is best to buy stuff for the baby yourself because things may turn out different from what you want .Your inlaws probably don't even know the stuff that babies use these days.Keep a stock for 2-3 days ,then go out and get or pre order.

As for FD...I think it is pretty entitled to think that grandparents should make and FD because it is their grand child.Seriously...haven't the grandparents (of both sides) done enough for you and your husband ?

As for the renovation.
If the renovation is being done for your visit/convenience,then you people should pay for it.
Do you realize how much trouble it is to renovate an old house...specially for old people?

I am amazed how much the parents are ready to bend for NRI children .The same children who grew up in the house can now not use the same bathrooms or kitchens and things need to be changed for them. The same parents will be ready to make their other non NRI children sleep on the floor in the living room when they visit.

I feel both are at fault here.
I have yet to see any one get the house renovated to suit the needs of parents who are growing old. Renovation that will make life easier for the older people.

 

This is something bothers me as well. Treating NRI kids as if they are coming from heaven.