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When Patience Is Tested And Respect Is Bound To Be Lost - Aplogies For The Major Rant

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sbonigala, Oct 10, 2016.

Page 8 of 14
  1. Oct 21, 2016 #71
    gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    I must say I am amazed by your attitude girl!! You have gone through a lot of tough times.. And I am glad god has been kind to you.
    In every DILs life, there comes a moment when she realizes that a MIL will NEVER love her the way her mom did. It is a universal truth. No matter how lovey dovey your MIL is, there will be a low point in your lives where you will reveal your "true" feelings to each other . I have gone through it too. So I understand your feeling.
    Just know that this too shall pass. You have a "proper" family now. Some place to go back to..Enjoy and bask in its happiness.
    India trips are a sad time I know, but think of it this way - you dont have to deal with all the politics and "tug of wars" that other DILs have to bear. You dont have to see your parents being humiliated just because they are the "girl's" side. So wipe your tears and smile away girl!!! God is smiling at you :)
     
    gauridinesh, Oct 21, 2016
    gauridinesh, Oct 21, 2016
    #71
    sbonigala and SGBV like this.
  2. Oct 21, 2016 #72
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Looks like she has been a big part of the kids' lives, and helped with their care. Maybe just due to the fact that she is living with you guys, not that you wanted her to. But, her help has been a big support to you and DH in the hectic life with both working and two kids. With that in context - your recent asserting yourself finally can be viewed wrongly by others and her. They could claim you used her as long as needed and now talking back and so on.

    The oily hair incident - if she has been looking after your child while you guys are at work, now or for extended periods over the years, then it gives her a bit of "right" to be upset when the child is scolded. The "my child, I am scolding her" argument gets a bit diluted when either grandparents are closely involved with the care of child. A paid care provider's say on your child ends when you pick your child up. A nanny's say ends when you reach home. A grandparent's say on your child doesn't end when you reach home from work.

    Not to add to your troubles with unwell child and India trip coming up, but another perspective, and a possible explanation for her action/reactions, that you are seeking.
     
    Rihana, Oct 21, 2016
    Rihana, Oct 21, 2016
    #72
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  3. Oct 22, 2016 #73
    HemalathaRangar

    HemalathaRangar Silver IL'ite

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    U did a silent and powerful reply to ur MIL..:clapclap::clap2:even v call our MIL as a mom,tey can't bcom a mom of us.. even tey can say ur lik my daughter but tey never ever treat us a daughter of their own... it's world nature...:BangHead::sconf:
     
    HemalathaRangar, Oct 22, 2016
    HemalathaRangar, Oct 22, 2016
    #73
  4. Oct 22, 2016 #74
    harinideep

    harinideep Gold IL'ite

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    I have on vacation in india now . Same thought like you . Sometimes I am feeling I could have enjoyed winter in us rather than coming here and getting hurted .
    But then I have written down list of things I wanted to do , which can be done only here and doing it one by one . Please create a list of things you wanted to do in india and do it and enjoy ( like going to local markets , fun times with cousins etc) and if possible blog each moment that you enjoy
     
    harinideep, Oct 22, 2016
    harinideep, Oct 22, 2016
    #74
  5. Oct 23, 2016 #75
    sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks @Rihana.
    I understand your point.
    I also understand the reason for her silence when I scolded DD. With 12 years of being her DIL, I got some experience with her thought process.

    But whenever I scold kids or even discipline them pat comes a statement from her, "who are you to scold the kids. You just gave them birth. It's my son's kids. Who would you have had kids with, had it been not my son? "

    Disgusting to hear that. Ain't it?
    I still chose to stay quiet because I thought it's easy to win an argument than winning a person. I wanted to win the person.
    Now I realised that there's no way a MIL can be won neither the argument with her. Hence the change.
     
    sbonigala, Oct 23, 2016
    sbonigala, Oct 23, 2016
    #75
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  6. Oct 23, 2016 #76
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Is she implying that her son is free to do what he pleases? The same logic applies to her - she ONLY gave birth to her son. So she too has no claims on him, leave alone on his wife or children. I agree with Rihana that she has taken care of the kids for this long, but that does not entitle her to talk nonsense and to be insulting to the mother of the kids.
     
    satchitananda, Oct 23, 2016
    satchitananda, Oct 23, 2016
    #76
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  7. Oct 23, 2016 #77
    kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @sbonigala.....

    I don't know how i missed your thread.

    Your post brought tears into my eyes dear, I was really touched by your story (not the issues with your MIL, but your past). These MILs stories and issues are quite normal. But I appreciate you the way you build your life without anyone's support that too in such a young age :worship2::worship2::worship2:

    I appreciate you heartfully, you are great.

    I need a break now, need to control my emotions.
     
    kcb, Oct 23, 2016
    kcb, Oct 23, 2016
    #77
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  8. Oct 23, 2016 #78
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Horrible nasty woman!!!
     
    yellowmango, Oct 23, 2016
    yellowmango, Oct 23, 2016
    #78
  9. Oct 24, 2016 #79
    sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Akka.
    Not sure what she implies. But that's what she says to all her DILs. That's one of the reasons the 2 older DILs chose not to stay with her.
    It comes easily to her. She says, " What gives you right to scold the kids. Without my son, how would you have had kids? You slept with my son and then you were pregnant. Don't forget that."

    I hate to respond. I can't stoop down to her low standards of thinking and explain to her the fact that it doesn't need her son ONLY, and that any fertile man can make a fertile woman pregnant. And that if I was married to any other man, I would Still have kids.

    She has the capacity to start at any point and drag it to every angle of life with her crying and silence and long time hunger strike. Nasty, you say? Yes she holds masters degree in that.

    There were times when I used to be and make her talk, feed her food sometimes but now I gave up Akka.
    Can't afford to lose my dignity to pacify an adult.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2016
    sbonigala, Oct 24, 2016
    sbonigala, Oct 24, 2016
    #79
  10. Oct 24, 2016 #80
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My response would be something in the lines of "Giving birth trumps five minutes of fun so I think I've earned the right to chastise my kids".

    I mean what's with women and sex lives of their DILs. It annoys me no end that MILs can calculate the day a baby was conceived, ask stupid questions and display cheap and crass behavior.

    Parents shouldn't be talking about their adult children's sex lives in general.
     
    Laks09, Oct 24, 2016
    Laks09, Oct 24, 2016
    #80
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