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Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. Cantdecide

    Cantdecide Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you! Testing....
     
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  2. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Guys,
    Like Satchi, have been peeping in here once in a while, but never really got a chance to "butt" in.
    Cant agree more on this..first thought that came to my mind too :)
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    But why? : )

    Nice to see your post here!
     
  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana,

    Not only you need to learn to move to Canada but also learn how to scale a wall or build underground tunnels. Canada will build a wall.
     
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  5. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Who's paying for that one? Not going from my taxes I hope.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    In most of the previous generation families that I have seen, nuclear family living happened out of necessity like the man having a job in another city. The default was living as a joint-family. The cases where the man and wife set up separate home right after marriage, in same city as and close to guy's parents, were rare.

    Cases where the couple moved out after living as joint-family were also there, but, few.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Then, they should also be given a simulated environment of marriage before they can take an informed decision.

    Cigarette smoking is injurious to health. Second-hand and even third-hand smoke is harmful. There is enough literature and widespread knowledge about it. Joint-family living can also be harmful to the peace of married life. There are enough tele-serials and real life examples of that. Why marry a smoker and lay down conditions around his smoking? Why do the women and their families get the woman married into a family that is following the joint-family system? If the woman herself is too young to look into all these, why don't her parents do it? Why not add "guy who is living separately" as a requirement? Why not make "live as nuclear family for at least few years" as a requirement when screening possible matches? Often the reason is that it narrows the pool.

    Chances are the guy is otherwise a good catch, and they don't want to pass up the match. Most women's parents go ahead with such marriages thinking "all will be alright after marriage."
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    There were those who fought and moved out...but I think it was easier with more than one son in a lot of families.Now with one of two kids......most families have the 'but he is the only son syndrome:eek:' .
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    ^^ True, there were those that fought and moved out, often a middle or youngest one, or the one who did "love marriage" : )

    But, in cases like that OP who is depressed about wife not liking joint-family, the modern reasoning we employ in threads here does not apply automatically. It depends on what kind of a life style they have. How traditional they are. The "girl's parents also raised her" is true, but it cannot be presented in a discussion pre-wedding or post-wedding in some families. They just don't function like that. Marrying into such families, and then going against the tide is tiresome for all. Arranged marriage gives the advantage and flexibility to list one's requirements -- so utilize that. Love marriage doesn't allow for that. Person "falls" into it. : )
     
  10. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Reason may be anything for moving into nuclear but if parents have lived in nuclear family, they themselves become habitual of nuclear setup and start lacking skills of adjustment, required for joint family setup. And after living in nuclear, they also started liking up nuclear setup.
     
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