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Greetings From An Old Timer And A Quick Update On Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rakhii, Oct 22, 2016.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    It’s been long. How have you been doing? I am back, I know! About time. I missed you all. Really missed this wonderful group of women.

    I thought I would stop by and update you all about how things are at my end. Some of you might remember I left in an extremely sad state.


    I am happy to report that my life turned around.


    For those of you who don’t know me, my husband and I were having a very difficult time. Married for 9 years, 2 kids. He was a narcissist and his passive/aggressive behaviour used to depress (clinically) me. When I was pregnant with my second baby, we had a big fight. Super big fight. Lots of tears on my part.


    So when I left, I was going to counselling. I found out my so many things about my SO (I don’t want to go into details).

    It was really bad. Bad enough that I wanted to leave him. We used to talk together only when it’s absolutely necessary.

    I was suggested to (by close friends) that having 2 life changing events in the same year may not go well (baby and a divorce). I was told, wait. Gather courage and when the baby is born, see how things are and then make up your mind.


    Mind you, it wasn’t easy. I was devastated. Baby was born and then I got really busy. And a few months later things were still not improving. Then I made up my mind. I was going to leave him.

    When I was grieving for the lack of intimacy, grieving over how my relationship went to dogs; I was always so focussed on getting things back to normal.. I Missed an important fact. I did not like the pre-fatal-fight-period. I guess I was so focussed on getting things better, I did not realize the “pre” would come at a cost.


    Then I happened to talk to friend of mine. It was a life changing conversation. I am not exaggerating. She told me one simple sutra. Daimoku Chant (google it). Its not a prayer. You are not worshipping God. You are basically asking for, for…enlightenment.

    Anyway, I started off with chanting into myself on and off. Within a few weeks I started feeling like a different person. I realized so many things.

    Since we were talking only when needed, I had a lot of time to introspect.

    Something clicked in place. I cannot pin point what. I started changing the world I live in, the things that are in my control. I no longer let him talk to me like I am nothing. I had to start believing that I am something. That comes with start respecting myself. I made positive changes around the house. Hung pictures from the happier days, from the days when we were happy. Really happy. Made food that he likes.

    You can only control what you can do/think. Why am I doing all this, you may wonder. I wanted to do everything in my power to save the relationship with a man for whom I left everything behind and moved here.


    So, yes, I started feeling the change while I was making the changes. I invested in good simple makeup that lasts all day (I ended up making it a work from home online business), I get out of PJ’s and be nice. Not for him, mind you, for myself. I felt and looked beautiful.

    I started working out. Again, not for him, but for me.


    All along, I never left that chanting. I kept doing it on and off.


    One day I noticed he started making an effort too. Its took us 18 months of a difficult period before it started getting better.

    He still gets angry at times but its like a completely different man. Sometimes I get scared…who is this wonderful man? Is he the same one who was a narcissist geh48ej@$^. We laugh, we spend time together now. Our sex life has never been better. I feel good about everything.

    When we do fight occasionally, he lets it go as soon as 2 mins vs 2 months previously. I am ok. I am happy.


    So, this is what I wanted to share. Love yourself. Look and feel beautiful. Workout. Live healthy. Respect yourself. Chant.



    Thanks,
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Welcome back Rakhii...missed u girl and so happy for the way things have worked out!
    Take care and much love !
     
    KashmirFlower, Rakhii and Rihana like this.
  3. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rakhii - Very inspiring !! Appreciate your desire to report back to show what's possible and how you did it. It is very generous of someone to share his/her life story/experiences for the benefit of others. More power to you. Hope everything continues to improve in your personal & professional life !
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
    dc24, KashmirFlower and vaidehi71 like this.
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Great to hear from you Rakhii! I am so glad to hear that everything has worked out. Did you intend to have your actual name in your signature though?
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  5. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't know about you, but seems you had a hard time, now had changed it for good. So all the best for your life!
     
    Rakhii likes this.
  6. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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  7. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Something must be wrong with my phone. It's posting my work sign. I hope no one else is able to see.
     
  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks hun
    Missed you too
     
    justanothergirl likes this.
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Rakhii, my dear, what a singularly pleasant surprise! So nice to read the update, so nice to hear from you, and so happy you made things turn around.

    What you had posted before you left surprised many, what you post now doesn't come as a surprise. You had the strength in you. Hope to see posts from you now and then. Congratulations on the addition to the family too!
     
  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    No!
    Damn it. lol I did not. Stupid new phone (read: stupid me).
     

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