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Gender Equality In Our Eyes!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Oct 20, 2016.

  1. sreemanavaneeth

    sreemanavaneeth Gold IL'ite

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    Why super gender should not be used? If any male or female is changing
    after getting married it is good it means they are helping each other in their day today activities by minimising their work burden, financial burden etc.,think in a positive way. We can change the old people in our home also by our attitude and activities by not murmuring my dil changed my son etc., etc., Help the in laws also they will change their attitude and inturn they will realise that they should be helpful to their dil and their son in all angels.Mere controversial talk will not help for an healthy life. HEALTHY LIFE MEANS A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHER WHO ARE ALL IN THE FAMILY.
     
  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Just a simple example of my house..

    If my husband goes on office trip and I handle kids and my work when he comes back he will say "is it hard for you to handle things without me,so how much I have been helping you and you know,at that time he expects that I appreciate him...

    If I go somewhere(which happens rarely),when I come back I had to appreciate him for taking care of things for me.

    That much gender equality I have at my house.I see,men who extremely took care of house and kids but the percentage is less compared to women.By default,women expected to take care of things without any appreciation.If men helps, they will be appreciated or they will demand for appreciation like my husband.

    He will remind me 2-3 in a day to appreciate him for helping me.:-(
     
  3. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    allow me to show you another perspective.
    When people call a helping husband henpecked, that creates fear of criticism in society. Man thinks i will be called as henpecked if i help my wife in home and woman also feel pressurized that her husband will be jeered at. So it discourages man from helping woman and woman also hesitates to ask help from her husband.

    Calling somebody super is just a way of appreciating them. When people call a helping husband super than it gives the impression to a man that if he will help his wife he will be appreciated by soceity. So its encourages man to behave right.

    Now lets say there is a soceity where 90% husbands dont help their wives in household chores only 10% does. Now those 90% people will go on calling those 10% as henpecked while the 10% will not appreciate even among each other, saying that actually what we are doing is normal and those 90% are not normal. Now the scene becomes that those 10% who helps their wives are gaining only criticism. it will only prove that man who helps their wife are called as henpecked.
    If those 10% will be appreciated more n more than perception of some people out of those 90% will be changed that man who helps their wife gain appreciation too. Their fear of gaining criticism will be less.

    just curious, why not feminist?? why borderline feminist??

    Right thing is always right but Something will be recognized as normal when actually it is normal, we cant make a thing normal just by pretending.
    if in a group of 5 couples, 2 man helps their wife in household chores. No while talking all 5 women praises those 2 men, so it would create pressure on other 3 men also to help their wives. and if nobody praises those 2 men, nobody talks about their effort then those 3 men will never feel the need to help their wives.

    By the way i have seen people calling a working woman as superwoman who handles her home/work perfectly.
    when woman take break or sacrifice her career she is not being called super as she is not breaking the gender stereotype here.
    Kiran bedi is celebrated for being a woman IPS officer, any man gaining appreciation for being IPS officer as kiran bedi has gained?? no, because here its the woman who is breaking gender stereotype so she is being applauded here.
    Same way when man goes for taking break in a career for kids they are applauded but woman are not. Here man are the one who are breaking gender stereotype.
     
    sindmani and teejay like this.
  4. Bubbles

    Bubbles Silver IL'ite

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    Totally agree with this line of thought.
    However, how many men are actually raised or encouraged to think so?
    Like @coolgal123 has pointed out, it seems to be less about (non)existing gender equality, and more of a carrot-vs-stick approach to encourage more balance.
    Absolutely! This is what everyone thinks - this is how we have defined the roles of the woman in society. When women went to work first, they had to face the prospect of doing it additionally - and that is continuing till date. There is some improvement, and I hope that that will gain momentum.
    Men see their moms/other women working and managing home, sacrificing a lot, and accept it as the norm. Women let it go that way as well, and we don't really ask for help at home (probably just like how men don't ask for directions while driving?) Struggling for the family, being sacrificial has always been praised and impressed upon women's minds. It is expected. Standing up for oneself, pushing - gently or forcefully - for equality is seen as rebellious. Even in this day!!!!!!!! Thank goodness things are starting to change even if only by a bit..

    On a related note, why is it that so many women who go through all this crib/boast about their suffering/sacrifice, but do not teach their sons to step in, either when they grow up or later, around the time of marriage?
    Why are girls allowed to help out at home when young, but guys left alone reserved only for going out, buying stuff etc?

    I agree. Why do we not celebrate the normal women, except, say on Mothers Day or Womens Day?
    And seriously, can we please relax the norms for normalcy for women ?:D
     
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  5. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    My husband does about 90% of the cooking in our house. He enjoys cooking and this is his de stress after work. However, he does not clean or even help around the house much. My IL taunt and mention 20 times every time I see them that their son cooks, their son cooks, it is not big deal if he cooks since he does nothing else, he does not even put stuff away that he uses in cooking , the kitchen is a disaster afterwards,. It is all about stereo types there should be no roles, Husband and wife should just help each other out.

    Through out our marriage my DH has been far better parent than I but I thought someone has to be. It's ok it's him. Whatever works for people that is good, it is no one else's business.
     
  6. somsar2014

    somsar2014 Silver IL'ite

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    Good evening Ms SGBV

    Initially, I thought your annoyance for the so called gender equality culture was taking the bull by its horns. I also appreciated your distaste for the borderline feminism. But, as your post rolled on, I started realizing, your criticism of those borderline feminists were actually aimed at asking for more and more from men in stead of praising them for taking break from work and doing cleaning and washing and cooking. You wanted to say, that, such work were normal , not super at all.

    Well, I am a believer in plurality in opinion. I have not created the society, nor do I drive it. So, your interpretation or viewpoint can certainly be different or diametrically opposite to mine. Hence let us agree to disagree.

    Before recording my disagreement, let me first express my discomfiture for being a man in a ladies' forum. But, please do not term me a gender chauvinist.

    First of all, I am not too kind with men seeking earning wives for financial support. In conventional arranged marriage, bride's side insists on rituals being performed religiously. If we are to go by the rituals, the role models as defined in the rituals and in mantra's are to be accepted. According to that, a wife is a home maker and a husband is a provider. A provider cannot work indoor all day, and a home maker cannot be outdoor for the best part of the day for earning money.

    Cleaning washing or cooking are too petty issues to make a woman home-maker or a man super-duper husband. My wife is a house-wife. In the earlier post-marriage years, she enjoyed if I helped her in peeling vegetables or gossiped , standing at the kitchen door. Latter, she stopped allowing me to do any kitchen work. But whenever the domestic help absented , I used to sweep or mop the entire house as a physical exercise matter. She allowed earlier but not now. I just cannot enjoy sitting idle and watch my wife toiling hard. But, that does not mean I always helped her. I did not find there was or is any kind of resentment in her.

    The main thing is sharing the worries or feelings. Whatever I earn, I always gave the entire money to her except for the EMIs or regular routine expenses like electric Bills, gas bill or other bills. On puja days she keeps fasts but forces me to eat, as I need to go out to work and she finds it worrying I am empty-stomach. I am not telling you, what I do for her, as it is not something to boast about.

    In fact, like a trade unionist I cannot bargain for equitable distribution of work. I always justify that when a lady earns , she has right to criticize or scream more than a non-working wife . In this forum , I see the working ladies feel so discriminated against or exploited. But my experiences are not tallying with the general picture revealed here. In most cases, I see, the working ladies are calling all the shots and the non-working ladies cannot utter much as they are not so much fortunate or educated or smart and attractive like working ladies.

    I can go on writing endlessly but reach nowhere. We cannot settle conjugal disputes by arguments. If the mutual human feelings are absent, if there are greedy husbands lazing on wive's money, proud working wives screaming for superiority in the name of liability sharing, , however much you may compose precise model code of conduct, ( mind you no khaap panchayat type MCC, but enlightened non-chauvinist MCC) it will be useless.

    A decent human feeling can solve most of the problems.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016

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