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My Wife Doesn't Want To Live With My Family Anymore. I'm So Depressed.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rthor05, Oct 13, 2016.

Should I start living separately with my wife? And leave my family.

  1. Yes

    25 vote(s)
    65.8%
  2. No

    13 vote(s)
    34.2%
  1. StrongLady

    StrongLady Silver IL'ite

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    OP,
    Don't panic. Don't be behind her to eat talk etc. she will keep refusing and ur mom will feel bad. Instead If u be quiet and give her time, then she might become normal thinking u r not getting effected by her tantrums.

    Here is what u should do.
    1. Tell ur mom not to speak to her and maintain distance. unless it's very necessary ask ur mom to do her own things.
    2. Tell ur mom not to offer her to eat. just cook and keep quite. anyhow ur mom has to cook for ur dad and u. SO cook extra for ur wife but if she doesn't eat don't show any expression.
    3. U also casual ask her eat if she don't and keep on trying to irritate, have control and ignore.
    4. Final thing,tell her and also tell ur inlaws that the way she behaving is very bad. Howevwr if thats her decision then u r fine. you have told b4 marriage and she knew it was combined family setup so refusing now is not acceptable.

    This is only temporary as you sound too innocent and ur wife very stubborn. So u better make plans to stay separate.

    There is no reason to feel so bad.
    TAKE 2 portions in same house.
    my aunt and grannies stay like that. just a door in middle was closed.
    TELL her it's required to stay in same house as ur dad old and they may need u.

    It's hard for 2 women to adjust with kitchen. So take 2 portions in same house and stay separate that way.

     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2016
    sindmani likes this.
  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well..as kcb said you should have checked compatibility before wedding but even that would not stop future problems..anyways

    Your mom is old and it is unfair of her to do all the work and your wife should help.

    At the same time your newly married young wife cannot be reasoned.young blood,lot of expectations.she wants the privacy and she wants to go out on weekends and eat.

    Either she can make a quick meal for your parents and then you guys can go out or get yourself a cook/maid.

    Try to atleast live nearby

    communicate with both of them.
    Actually kcb has given a wonderful answer.
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    At what age is one 'old' enough to need hands on assistance in addition to moral support? His mother is still working. His father has told him to take a separate establishment. They are elderly, not yet old or decripit. Touch wood. Wish them good health for a long time to come.
     
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  4. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    rthor,

    I don't see you completely at fault here. A lot of things unfold only after marriage. Even in a well sought out peaceful marriage, there will be one problem or the other later. You are trying to make this work, that is a good thing.
    All other things like house work, cooking etc are workable here. Do not feel guilty if you will move out. Make sure you can visit your parents whenever you want to.

    The main issue is between you and your wife.
    You move out of the house or not, your wife will be dramatic. Its not OK for women too to slap/hit. You could have avoided reacting to her. Don't encourage this behaviour of hers again. Same with her using abusive language towards you or your family.
    What she needs to know is that you both should respect each other. You both are equal. Even if you move out, her preferences will overrule yours, over time it will be too much to handle. Discuss this without anyone interfering from her side or your side.

    Extras:
    - Have you ever helped your mother in the kitchen in the past? How is it that you are concerned about your mom doing all the housework once your wife moved in?
    If you want to, why not help your mom, get up early and make breakfast or make dinner for everyone one day?

    - When men learn to do their own stuff, women will end up arguing less. Most problems are centred around who does what for the men in home. See what you can do in this area.

    - Don't give in to frustration. Please do not use a poll to make your decision. Its possible to give suggestions about a specific situation, you have to make your own decision here ultimately. Make good choices! :thumbup:
     
  5. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    @rthor05 try this as a final compromise

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
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  6. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    I really feel sorry for your wife... at 24, your separation anxiety from your parents seems to be on a different level.. your wife's suggestion was pretty reasonable yet you still have a problem living a few blocks or minutes away?
     
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  7. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    What she has asked for is fair enough. You need to be ready to stay without your parents at distance which is reachable in some hrs . they are in good health and can take care of themselves. However if you are so keen not to move out , you need to try and solve issues with either having maid for help etc. If your wife wants to sleep late and not cook etc , then hire maid for your moms help. Slowly your wife might realize and start helping your mom.

    Either move out or make your wife comfortable with her wants you think are justifiable.
    If you dont take a stand now, it might result in bad fights between your parents and wife and heated arguments as well. Later at that time you wont have option to leave home (if you plan to stay with wife) and at that time wife also will insist on not keeping relations with parents .

    So act now and dont ignore. your wife coming back and showing such reactions to what your mom does is nopt good sign. Do not ignore these.
     
    minn1 likes this.
  8. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    You have to understand though both your wife and mom are working women their priority differs..
    Your mom due to her agewould like to get up early, cook, do house hold works and start for office. Many woman in that age group would prefer home cooked meals and do the chores themself. Your wife being young may not share that views.
    I have seen married girls in my office who rarely cooks on weekdays. Many view it as unnecessary headache when you get healthy food everywhere. Not saying that's right or wrong, people follow what's comfortable for them.
    The very best thing you can do to everybody around is move out. Else you will have to worry about these everyday clashes.
     
  9. rthor05

    rthor05 New IL'ite

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    Update-

    As she has returned there is may be reason.. I had met her father 2 times and talked with him about this all issue. Even her father was not approving me to live separate and telling me you are right. I told him to talk with her daughter about this.
    Secondly I finally showed him something on which his reaction was bad. It's not right but I had to do that.
    I took phone recording of my wife and her mother, and came to know big things. Her mother was teaching her how to react, how to speak etc. in a bad way. Also whenever they talk her mother used to speak in very very dirty language for me and my parents.
    I was completely shocked after listening that recording as my wife and her mother was acting very nicely in front of me but on call they were taking revenge.
    I showed this to her father I was able to see frustration on his face. Now everyone knows about this in her family. Even after that I was agreed that I'll forget all this, send your daughter to my home.
    Now in kitchen she makes her own Sabji and roti for herself and me. On other side mom has to make other Sabji and rori for my father and herself. My wife don't know how to cook but has lot of ego.
    Now I'm avoiding going into kitchen. Also Talking with both of them separately and giving time to them.
    She saying I'm here only for you. But this is not fair as, she has to accept my parents too. Because of them I'm standing in front of her.
    I'm just done with all this stupidity. Want to solve this problem and want my happy family back. But I hate her mother so much after listening to that recording.
    There are very high chances that her mother taught her to live separately and all as now things getting cleared.

    Now some of you may say I did wrong by recording calls. But she made me do that.
    If a person agrees and makes plan in morning same person refused to accept same thing in evening and that was just a example. She was reacting very weired and not listening to me. I wanted to find out what is forcing her to do that.
    Help me to solve this issue.
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2016
  10. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    Really? blackmailing/threatening her father? I don't know why you're even asking in this forum and then resort to such disgusting act.
     
    bron likes this.

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