Why We Educate Ourselves

Though you have the best food in the world, if you put it in a dirty plate, the food is not good anymore.

So is our marriage. Though we have all the capabilities, when we are into wrong hands, all the values are spoilt or degraded. Ofcourse, education definitely do help us to seek for help and come out and survive, but its not so easy that it takes more than half of our life time in bringing back the lost values.

 

@hermitcrab , I haven't read all the responses. Just read the first couple of pages after your original post. May I ask you why you don't work outside your home? What is stopping you since you really want to and think value of education lies only in having a job?
Sorry if you have answered that already and have to repeat for me.

 

@hermitcrab, i can relate with you...Many a times i also thought that my life would have been more fulfilling if instead of studying hard i have just kept my aim for being a homemaker...in that way i would have enjoyed my life like other girls did before marriage instead of burning midnight oil and after marriage i would have been more accepted in inlaws home and i would have felt less confused and conflicted. I see the girls who are less educated , they are more happy in their life as they are much better fitted in the current system.

we are the generation who are feeling conflicted because of our education as again we are raised as confused personality... we are supposed to make a career too as par modern standard, but family should be our first priority as par old expectations. its like teach somebody how to fly then cut the wings. Even after doing job and earning money i always felt that this is not bringing me any good as again at home my respect or comfort has not increased because of job, rather i am still expected to behave like an uneducated fool by my inlaws.my discomfort had been increased as i was supposed to do double duty (at home i should be ideal dil while earning money too). My inlaws were confortable with my education as it was bringing money but couldnt digest the fact that because of this education i am having an opinion and want my opinion to be respected.

But things will improve in 1-2 generation. Now we feel dissatisfied and need of change because of our education only. So we will try to give more better approach to our daughters/son. May be they will feel less confused and conflicted than us. Thats how system evolves. May be we are not getting benefited with our education but our next generation will be benefited because their mother thought process is different. So you can say we are the middle leg of the ladder.
overall yes i too feel that i would have been more happier and contented in my life with little less education as i wouldnt have been able to raise question like i do now. But that would have been a life of ignorant. So i choose my little discontented life with education instead of an ignorant happier life.
I would like to make my daughters educated and independent person. Independent means not only financially independent, but independent in every aspect. I want to teach them that marriage is not the final destination, its a choice. and i think without my education i would not have been thought in this way.

 

I can relate with you completely. Normally parents see what is the education and earning of groom while marrying their daughter. they dont check for compatibility of thought process with family and groom, where their daughter will be able to adjust or not. they have this thought process in their back of mind that every girl has to adjust in sasural, their daughter can also adjust.
Also it amuses me a lot when i feel that parents wont choose that kind of lifestyle for them but they choose that for their daughter.
Whats the point of educating your daughter if you are choosing and uneducated family for her. You are putting her into a conflicting situation deliberately. its a subtle form of male chauvinism according to which woman has to adjust , should adjust to whatever may come. Somehow they just believe that if daughter is going to have a home, food to eat, clothes to wear that is sufficient. most frustrating part is instead of taking responsibility of their decision they just blame it on kismat of daughter.

but now past is past. what your parents did was wrong but it cant be changed. You should promise yourself that in the past you allowed people to wrong you but that is past and in present and future you will not let it happen to yourself.
You should accept that lots of time has flown away, nothing can be done about it but think now, what you need to do for upcoming life. Keep husband,inlaws, parents, children aside then think what you want to do, what is it you want to do to make your self contented and happy with remaining life and with available resource. Think about your dreams, may be now you can not achieve your original dreams but still there must be many things which you can achieve if you start now. Think how can you fit those things with your family.
there is no wrong in thinking about yourself. Think about yourself.

 

Your education gives you the opportunity to seek a way out of your unhappiness. Because you are intelligent and well read you have more opportunities though you may not always see it. Can you enroll in a course online that gives you a practical trade skill? Programming, web-dev, etc. - you can start freelancing online or doing contract work and help you gain some independence that way. You have a facile mind which is something to be thankful for, though it may seem like a curse.

It's not easier to be happy when you are ignorant, you just have less options. The problem is now you see all the options there are out there but you feel like they are beyond your reach. It's not possible to get there in one big leap. But you can take little steps towards a happier life. If your husband doesn't support you, you don't need it. As you start generating an income, you can open your own bank account, you can spend your money to hire a babysitter for the kids if you need to go out an evening or enroll them in daycare after school if you eventually want to work part time. Yes, these things may make your husband unhappy - but you've already been so unhappy for so long it is ok to focus on your needs as no one else is.

Your education also gives you an opportunity to better the lives and perspectives of your children. Now that you know how awful it is to get an education just to be a better marital prospect, you can show your children that getting an education is something for themselves to better THEIR life. Unfortunately, change takes time, and maybe you won't get to reap the benefit of all of your education, but your children will, and their children will. And you will too if you are willing to take just a few small steps to start.

 

@hermitcrab, I am not able to understand what it is , which is stopping you from going to work, if you want it so badly.