American Woman Dating Indian Man

There is no one-size-fits-all for Indian families any more than there is for American families. Individual attitudes vary greatly.

It looks like your major issue is that you have two different definitions of "family." Your definition is your nuclear family; his includes his extended family.

Once you get married, he expects to add you to his FOO (family of origin); you expect to replace his FOO.

To avoid future wars, I'd recommend getting on the same page about what constitutes "family."

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Dear Op,
Amika has mentionedur issue in a very simple way. so that's the main difference. He considers his FOO equal to u. It's hard to change his thinking. you have to accept it and marry or leave him.

My.Boss in current company 45 yr old married American women. her husband is Indian. she loves India, indian culture and infact indians. when I went for interview she talked abt her husband , his entire family etx for 1 hr.
She has sposored GC for husbands entire family , his sibling family. they stayed in their house for 1 yr and she finds job house all for them.

When she told me all this, I said no indian Dil will let her husband do all this for his siblings. her answer was she loves people and love when 10 ppl stay in her house. also mebtioned her husband loves her helping nature.
So may be ur fiance expect u to be like this. if u can't don't marry him

 

Society ensures that by making life so difficult for divorced women that they have to think a thousand times before taking the step - no matter how educated or financially independent they are. Add on to this years of mental conditioning. Traditionally, women are told that only their bier will leave the marital home.

 

Well said. We have various examples of interracial marriages in the family.

Someone married to an American woman. They stay in the US. His parents visit once in 2 years for 2 months. He comes once in 2 years for 3 weeks. She came initially but now she finds it boring here, so she does not come. She gets on decently with his parents when they are there. All are at peace. Of course there were showdowns when they initially got to know about his involvement with an American girl.

Another married a SE Asian. There were tantrums. Parents stopped talking. Father refused to let him step into India (search me how anyone can do that - more of emotional blackmail). It ended in divorce. Father made him promise not to marry out of the community again. He promptly went and married another Asian. They have been happily married for years. When both sets of parents visit, he and his mother stay in one house and she and her parents in another. Both take good care of each other's parents. His mother - an orthodox Indian woman - has even visited that country where it is so hard to find anything vegetarian and managed with whatever is available. Of course there were tantrums to start out with.

A third decided to marry an American. The mother went and tried to talk the lady into letting her son go. She didn't. They got married and the couple are very happy. The parents get on 'tolerantly ever after' and visit them often. Both son and dil bend backwards to demonstrate how good they are. Son does a lot for parents. I don't know how the dil feels about that.

 

Op,

The timing for parents is fair enough. Do u have objection in them coming for 3 weeks once in 2 yrs.
Infact American meet more like Christmas , thanksgiving, mothers day father's day, bdays so on.

First tell me what ur expectations. ?
Supporting sister financially overboard is not acceptable. apart from that in regards to parents.

Also u posted about parents care at old age. did he mention abt it or was it ur guess?