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Feeling Sad, Upset And Remorseful

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by ChennaiExpress, Sep 29, 2016.

  1. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    If God came to Earth and asked me what I wanted right now I would say

    God, please make it like 2012 again. We were doing matrimonial correspondence, I was so happy, so hopeful, so full of joy.

    So what if it's my Dad getting someone from India, as long as we like each other, and color each other's lives.

    So what if my Dad passes some stupid comment that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be getting married to someone great he got because lesser boys in USA wouldn't even throw crumbs at me.

    At end of day, parents leave our lives, children leave our lives, but husband and wife stay involved with each other.

    Honestly that is the only happy thing I can envision. At work I listen to tradition Punjabi music (not the new songs about drinking, drugs, and Jatts) and it hits my soul to the core.

    And when I read online version of Tribune India it moves me like none other.

    My body is here but my soul is somewhere else.

    The only person I can rely upon for trying matrimony in Tribune India again is my Dad. But I am concerned that he will put so much negativity and bad feeling.

    Imagine if you want Chocolate cake, only one person in the world knows how to make chocolate cake.

    Problem is, this person is do boastful because he knows he is the only person in the world who knows how to make Chocolate cake, brags to other people he knows how to make Chocolate cake.

    But at the last minute, he drops the Chocolate cake on the floor and shatters it to pieces.

    This is the analogy of my Dad facilitating matromonial ad in Tribune India and enabling correspondence.

    I would rather have successful and happy matrimonial alliance with someone we find in Tribune India, spend $$$ on wedding, sponsorship rather than marry Billionaire from USA.

    Lot if times I am sad and upset at my Dad and if I try to explain it might escalate.... because some people are very negative


    Imagine the best chef in the world who knows how to make best Chocolate cake ... but thinks other people who make different cake such as fruitcake are shi* and crook and stupid.

    Do you understand what I am trying to explain?


    In meantime I am trying to find new routine, it Toastmasters, perhaps MeetUp on Data Science, Big Data.

    Thus new routine is good but somehow I feel as if I am running away from feelings.

    Before when I do extra ullage such as night Toastmaster contest I used to call my Dad regularly just do he know I am ok, when I am coming home. Today I avoided that because I am scared he will bring up something, I will get upset and my mood will be ruined.

    Now Dad is upset I didn't call. I made his dinner then he asked for hug and said good night.

    Here I am in dark writing this thread.

    I guess the thing I am asking for is something $$$ cannot buy.

    Thanks for reading.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2016
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Problem is YOU.
    Your faith and belief system is WRONG!!!

    You believe there is ONLY one person who knows how to make chocolate cake. That is wrong. There are so many people who knows how to make chocolate cakes. You really need to trust them, and give your orders to see whether they are capable of making a yummy chocolate cakes than this boasting chef.

    In your case, you are 100% dependent on your dad for the matrimonial works. You think he is the only one in this world who can do that for you. That's why he is boasting, taking you for granted, and all his negativity is affecting you.
    Why can't you do that directly? Why can't you sign up for a dating site and see whether anyone is matching?
    Why can't you outsource this role to some one reliable, like a friend, family member, colleague etc...

    While dad is doing the same in parallel, you can still look for good match elsewhere. This way, you can stay hopeful.
    Your dad is apparently good for nothing. He has so much negativity and personal problems. With all this he can't do anything good for your future.
    First of all stop having faith in him.. that too blind faith.
    The moment your instinct say that your dad is not gonna help, react to it.

    Don't fight with your dad right now. if you do so, he will make it another problem.
    So, silently start your marriage hunting elsewhere. There are so many matrimonial sites, so many dating sites, social medias, friends and family. Try and see how much it works.

    Apart from this, learn to feel happy with your own company.
    Don't think marriage is the ultimate destination to be happy in life.

    If you think that your parents' place is toxic, then move out immediately. But don't jump to a marriage for this. It is like trying to jump from the frying pan to the fire.

    You have a career, you have extra curricular activities, you have a hobby, you have a few friends, and you do spiritual things as well. They are more than enough to stay peaceful and happy on your own.
    When you are happy within, most likely you will attract many people towards you. Happiness is infectious and it spread so quickly.

    Change your perceptions please!
     
  3. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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    hey OP @SGBV said it all.

    I just want to quote one of my friends' experience. When they started looking for matches in her house for her, she was the one who created a profile for herself in the sites, went through each profile, spoke to the guys - there's a online chatting system where you can chat with the guys. Filtered out the guy whose thinking was similar to hers. When they both were finally ok, she told her parents, and he his and they are now happily married. Touchwood.

    The thing here is my friend also had a bad, a very bad I would say experience in love. She loved a guy since she was in her grade 6 till she was 28. Imagine the kind of commitment and faith she would have placed on him. He took her on a ride and left her so helpless. She couldn't even talk to me without crying.
    But later, she took her life in her control. She understood that crying and mopping just took her nowhere. She concentrated on her career and she got the opportunity to travel abroad on work. She visited the entire Europe, came back with her self confidence boosted up, checked into a matrimonial site, found a guy and got married.

    Now she posts pics from the trips that she goes on. and talks about her experiences there. I am so happy for her now.

    That's fighting back. Its not easy, but once you get your mind set on doing it and get it done, the beautiful life ahead is all yours!
     
  4. Narhari

    Narhari Bronze IL'ite

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    Chennai Express, Dont you think think you should take charge of your life !
     
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  5. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Ladies,

    Thank you for helpful responses.

    So many things happened yesterday that made me write this.

    I was doing an extracurricular activity, and I should have been tactful to call my dad at least once before I was on my way home. Last time I did he started asking all these useless questions, blabbing, blabbing, blabbing, i.e. security guard still says people are there, why are you leaving early. Very irritating and it delays things further.

    Just like in workplace once needs tact and diplomacy, same for this toxic environment. So I put that responsibility on myself --- need to be more tactful and exercise diplomacy ..... run interference. If I could have done this, it would have empowered me, and made me feel more in control (and I probably would be happier and post poetry on IL instead of this post)

    Plus, yesterday would have my 4 year anniversary, so that really made me lost my resolve.

    I guess yesterday I was looking at all these MeetUps for Big Data, Data Analysis and I got very scared thinking I am new at this, the people will think I don't know anything, or I will fall asleep when someone is talking because I will get bored. All these fears were running through my head.

    At this point, my job requires I learn about Big Data, etc. Need to do more beyond taking online courses, have to see people face-to-face.

    Wow, I cannot begin to think how your friend must have felt.

    And she used matrimonial site. You mean like BharatMatrimony?

    Well, yes, of course
     
  6. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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    And she used matrimonial site. You mean like BharatMatrimony?

    Yes, she did! I think it was telugu matrimony....you can try in your state specific one too!
     
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  7. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    @SGBV put it all across - super good response there.
    @ChennaiExpress.. Why is it you are travelling like a passenger train - you are an express - please be quick. Take charge of your life. Its much needed.
     
  8. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    I shall train for Marathon and go Express!

    In all seriousness I believe training for Marathon is a great way to heal body, mind, and spirit .

    Have to get my endurance up the next few weeks before I start training for couch to 5K.
     
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  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    @ChennaiExpress How is it going lady ?
    Hows the marathon and endurance training coming along?
     
  10. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    The couch to 5K is easier than I thought.

    Two days a week I will jog in place to build endurance. Hopefully I can get inexpensive treadmill...
     

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