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Why Is My Husband Sooo Cruel But Acts Nice To Everyone?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    doesnt he love me ? I have US citizenship. Did he marry me for that ? Else how can someone be so cruel to me in such a vulnerable situation. Here is one example ... I will write more examples later

    I just had a baby. I had and c section with complications and was in the hospital for 5 days. So we got discharged on Friday. Saturday my husband agreed to go to work ( he doesn't want to touch any work at the house so he asked for work on Saturday ). My scars are still fresh and when he comes home he yells at me in front of my in laws that I didn't give my daughter a bath! Mind you new baby is 6 days old my c section scars are 6 days old and my daughter is 4 years old. What is his mom doing !?? Why did she come if she can't give my daughter a bath??!!! I ended up giving my daughter a bath while his mother in law happily watched a movie !
    And and few days ago I asked her what his son is thinking by asking me to give my daughter a bath and my mother in law says you climb the stairs o he thought you can do anything. I climb the stairs to go upstairs into my room so I'll have privacy while feeding the baby! Mind you they (mother in law and husband ) tease me about that too. Saying I am shy about exposing my boobs in front of people ! Jeez!!!
     
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  2. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Take a stand.when he yells - say I can hear. Lower your voice. If they say you are shy - say that is how decent people are. Keep you voice low, polite but very firm. Show him you mean business. Instead of him telling you what you need to do - YOU assign him work - like - bathe daughter, do the laundy, oh btw pay utility bills today - you get the hint! Has he always been like this? Or is it a new development (like after you MIL came home)Ignore what you can. Let them not get to you. focus on your children.
     
    sindmani, dia3, Narhari and 3 others like this.
  3. SathyaVivek

    SathyaVivek Senior IL'ite

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    Has he always been like this. I have lived my entire life with someone so close to me going through this.
    No one would believe that he is such a cruel person who ill treats his wife.
    And even if someone else would do something similar , he would end up cursing them.
    If he is otherwise good, can you try and have an open discussion as to why he is behaving like that, just the two of you can try and talk.
    Do you think that would help?
     
  4. Narhari

    Narhari Bronze IL'ite

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    Eagerforinfo just tell me if he even respects you. Bcos I believe compassion can be felt only out of respect. Does he give time for his daughter? Does he care about her? Because if he does there is stil hope to get close to him. Confront him and have a face to face talk. There is nothing better than talking out the issues.
     
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Yes. He has always been like this but not to this extent. It's getting worse. I don't think he even respects me. He doesn't even talk to me about things. The only thing he talks to me about is clean this ,clean that ,do this , why isn't that done? I thought he doesn't like me staying home so I started working and it's still like that (of course I didn't deposit the paycheck into joint account because I don't trust him but it's only been one year since I started working )
     
  6. Narhari

    Narhari Bronze IL'ite

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    looks like you have not been engaging in small talks with him. Bcos small talks can be very effective. Are u too independent ? I mean emotionally.
     
  7. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    Huh ??
     
  8. Narhari

    Narhari Bronze IL'ite

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    I can only say is keep your self respect and please dont give up the fight. Happy Navaratri!
     
  9. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    Some people are always like this and the more you forgive, they make you feel more embrassed and feel bad, like mine. He shouted at me and my mom with all the abusive words he could do for not disposing the diaper wastes on time when my baby is hardly 2 weeks old and elder one is 6 years. I had a complex normal delivery with too many stitches with a baby weight of 9.6 lbs. I wondered why he could not dispose it as it his baby as well. But he cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen of his friends apartments when his bachelor friends moved apartment.. He told me he had headache and could not accompany me when I go for diabetic gestational diabetics ( I was 7 months pregnant) at 9am appointment and I had to go alone while he was working from home. But he was happy for dropping his friend at airport at 3 am while they all drunk and slept at 1 am,just 2 days before.... The only difference is he married me for entering USA and getting h1. Please raise your concern and voice against right now. I forgave and yielded in every time, finally got kicked out of home with a yet to be 2 month old baby. Raise your voice now and tell you don't want to be treated this way and say you are expecting love and respect. If he is little loyal to you and love his children, he would change. Don't ever do the same mistake that I did. But if this is all after your MIL came, he might be trying to show his dominance and make her happy. But whatever it is, sort out before things get worsened.
     
  10. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, He doesn't respect you. And I think I can see why. You assumed that he doesn't like you staying home and so to please him, you started work? I am not against you working, especially with such a H. But the reason is all wrong. You seem to be a person willing to please your H and to do that, you will do whatever it takes. He sees you as a meek person and a meek person does NOT command respect. Respect is a two way street. Do not let him define your worth. Show him things have got to change. And change begins with your attitude towards yourself.
     
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