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Canceled An Alliance....right Or Not.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SeekingMind, Sep 15, 2016.

  1. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    My niece's wedding plan is in progress....My uncle is insisting that there should NOT be much gap between engagement and wedding day; it should be 2-4 weeks of time frame. Recently, many engagements were broken because of 'he said/she said' between the 2-families or even due to too much of cell phone talks between bride/groom caused tension between them/that led to broken engagement. It became almost like keep everything ready except "filling" the groom's name?

    My niece's alliance came in March and there was a long silence period for about 6-months and it is getting 'hot' now. I heard the same thing from my sister, cannot do this or ask that; I am just a spectator. I am already given a list....for the sponsorship.
     
    sindmani, APS45, Rihana and 1 other person like this.
  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    True...can't have a second helicopter flying in the air space only meant for one...

    I think the guy asking her nicely....for health reason or even for photographs would have been better......
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Not to forget...whatsapp messages and face book updates/history.....:smile:
     
  4. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Only the girl's family or her close relatives are allowed to advise her on weight issues.Anything said by future groom or his family will be taken seriously as this is a sensitive topic.
     
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  5. APS45

    APS45 Silver IL'ite

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    Good one :grimacing:

    Even if the guy asked, the end result could have been the same in this case.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Glad you liked it.
    Sometimes...if the girl/guy likes the future partner/bf,a loving gentle coaxing can work wonders.......atleast to start with .Of course it depends on the approach too.
    But one thing is clear....a mil is the worst person to do such nagging.:rolleyes:

    The problem with arranged marriages is...too many superfluous details needing to be passed while the real solid ones being overlooked as chalta hai or fixable later on .The girl probably passed the parents test...but the son's need for someone he could be more attracted to was overlooked as fixable.
     
  7. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    OP thats bad approach. Infact some gap is necessary between engagement and marriage to figure things out.
    Marriage is not just one day thing.Parents should not be focused on just girl getting married.They should focus more on how her whole life is going to be after that.
    In this case you see this girl might have got bad family who continuously berate her appearance.She escape from it because she had time.
    Similarly I have seen engagement breaking for totally valid reasons.
    There is no attraction.
    Guy is in love with other women,hidden affairs,bad past.
    Inlaws are too greedy,expecting too much from girl.
    Inlaws are abusive.
    Guy is emotionally abusive
    Guy is mommas boy.

    These are some of the reasons which are totally valid for breaking of engagement.Better to break engagement than latter divorcing.
     
    poovai, pinkRoseBud, viki123 and 2 others like this.
  8. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    See, in my niece's case it took the family elders to validate the family/boy's background/income/ancestral origin/work potential growth etc among other potential grooms.

    The boy's family was 'surprised' after 6-month to get a call from my uncle. We are a closed circuit community, outsiders cannot penetrate into the circle, love/inter caste marriages are big NO till to the day.....

    Bottom line, money is kept within that circle. Rarely, people go for outside work....I am one of those escaped from their claws? but, still married within our community.

    The girl happened to be only girl child for us, among 3-sibilings. We did our best to evaluate all angles, interim the boy himself showed interest and indicated that waiting for the girl through other family member, few times in last 6-months. The response was something like, waiting to hear from our kula-devatha, will get back to you after local festival, etc. Of course, girl had a chance to share her side! interest. Both had a chance to have a chaperoned talk, it was whole another story....the boy asked some questions/girl responded in front of "entire clan".
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2016
    Rihana likes this.
  9. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    In general, yes, guy's mother crossed the line. ....but in indian arrange marriage scenario, this is not a big issue....because this is the trend that boy's side can say anything and gal's side has to follow that....
    Your cousin and her parents did the right thing....they stood up against the wrong thing against all odd....but at the same time these kind of stand should be taken with the approach that its better to remain unmarried rather than getting not so good people.....
    As we know that most of mils are like that....difference is some show their true face before marriage and some after.....
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  10. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    Bodyshaming is wrong always ..it is not petty reason..bodyshaming leads tobsuicide in many cases ..so its never petty ..
     

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