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Evil Inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rizi, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. rizi

    rizi Junior IL'ite

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    hello lovely ladies
    i am having a veryy hard time with my evil inlaws since marriage, (married for 10 years) but since i was living away from them( UK visit india once a year) i just try to forget about all the things they do. Last year my husband built a house, MIL started living there no problem, when we visited the house for the first time we were very excited, i had lots of plans.. i bought all the furnitures etc and furnished it. i also shipped lots of stuff from the Uk but when i went all my stuff were unpacked and majority distributed..i never said anything, in the past my husband tries to speak about the problem ,to MIL and SIL , but they twist words and shout at him and curse him,( about my MIL full of lies, steals my stuff twists words and insults me to everyone in family.about SIL her husband is a multi billionare, she controls everyone in her family and husbands bcoz of money, everyone is scared of her, no one does anything without her permission, if u go against her she will make sure that ur life is hell, since my hubby is also well off she cant tolerate. and we dont get her approval for everything we do in our life, she makes our life hell.) now whatever happened in the past i just want to forget, my MIL and SIL never allow us to go once a year to our home and even stay for 3 days in peace. ( SIL lives right next door they also have a connecting door to our house without our permission) when we land there i cant even leave my boxes unlocked for even a second, they open the boxes take stuff they need and thats it. i try to live upstairs with my kids as we have bathroom kitchen and rooms upstairs and downstairs, whatever i do ,i dont get peace. MIL has keys to all the rooms, even if i lock no use. this year so far i haven't gone to india, i want to go and my kids want to, but i am scared . pleaseee ladies give me some advice.thanks to god my husband is good quite guy, he tried to speak to his mum and sis about this but they shout at him and curse him, so i have asked him to keep quite. Each year we go we shower them with gifts to keep them happy , but forever ungrateful, angry and full of jealousy. pls help
    thanks a lot.
     
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  2. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Make your stay minimal like 3 or 4 days at in laws place and stay more days at your parents place. Also when you stay at in law's place, make sure daily you take your kids out to show places around / shopping, so that you can keep yourself busy and not to interact too much with MIL & SIL.

    Your MIL has spare keys for the rooms, not for your suitcases. You can keep all your valuable items in your suitcases and lock them up and keep the keys with you.

    Tell SIL that you are an adult and knew how to manage your life, home and family if she interferes in your life.
     
    NeetaR likes this.
  3. dimhere

    dimhere Gold IL'ite

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    Exactly, WHY do you want to go to India? Definitely not for meeting this kind of MIL or SIL or living in that house.

    If you want to meet your parents, please stay in their house, if there is space. If you want your kids to see India and visit a few places and shop, you can also stay in a serviced apartment or guesthouse near your parents place.

    I think any place else other than YOUR house would be a good place to stay. Ironically, it is built with your money and dreams.

    But one thing, DON'T let such people scare you away from visiting India. They might control the house, furniture, other people, and the keys to all doors with their money. But please do not let them control your mind.

    All the best.
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    do you think they want that house to themselves, so whenever you come there , make your life hell so that you don't dare to come next time? SIL as a neighbor may be want that house also to herself. Greedy people never satisfy even though they have everything. think in that route also.
     
  5. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Go directly to your parents. Also why is there a door connecting to SIL house. I will suggest an unconventional remedy. Sell the house .Next time buy a house as far as possible from your MIL- SIL . If you knew they were troublesome people, why did you buy or construct a house there. You cud have avoided all this misery. Again send furniture there. This is a lesson, next time don't make big purchase near them or go there.Sell the house and buy another where MIL doesn't stay or buy without her knowledge.

    Your MIL- SIL are bullies who have had their way for a long time and maybe you can prove that they cant always have their way. In a way to maintain your sanity too. Good Luck.
     
  6. Roses3

    Roses3 Senior IL'ite

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    @rizi : Hi rise, Just read your post. Feel very bad for you. I don't think you can explain and speak to them in a nice way. From my personal experience, I don't have the stamina to teach people basic manners especially if they are evil. My best advice would be to but a good GLOBE lock as soon as you reach India and use that lock to lock upstairs. If your MIL asks keys to that lock tell her that you can't give one as you need privacy and you can give the keys to them when you return to UK. Of course this will create trouble for you, but they will also get irritated and learn a lesson. If they still insist on the keys, just tell them to take whatever they need when you are available. Hope this works........
     
  7. rizi

    rizi Junior IL'ite

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    hello everyone
    Thank you for all your replies, there is no way we can sell that house, MIL will create a scene that we kicked her out of the house, they are biggg drama queens, SIL is such a big fraud that she is working soo hard on spoiling our names in the family and friends circle. in the past she has spoken over the phone to relatives as if i was talking to them, ijust dont have words to write the criminal acts she plots and does against me, i just only have tears. I lost my parents last year in an accident, i do not have any siblings. I like to go to india atleast once a year, meet my relatives and friends, and i also want my kids to know their relatives, culture etc.I have missed lots of my cousins weddings and close funerals ( i am a very family oriented girl) I also think we should rent a serviced apartment far from them for our stay, any advice on this please, all the relatives know about MIL and SIL , but still iknow they will ask me why we are renting apartment, and also they will ask my MIL, ( she pretends to the relatives she cleans and takes care of our house and stuff, where as we have hired cleaners to clean on a weekly basis) I have never said any about MIL, SIL problems to anyone in the family, worried about how to deal with their questions too. please advice.
     
  8. rizi

    rizi Junior IL'ite

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    last year when we went MIL slept one night in SIL house, we locked the interconnecting door from inside and slept ( the door connects from our backyard ,opens to second sitting room, her rule is never close that door, which is not at all safe for us at night, any thief etc could come to our house.) we were sleeping and it was around 7.00am we heard big big bangs kids were woken up screaming and crying, she was trying to break the door with a hammer, coz it was locked from inside, SIL came as well both of them were shouting and took my kids went to my room and just locked the room for my own safety. they will go to any extreme.
     
  9. MSharma10

    MSharma10 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Rizi,

    So sorry to hear about your situation. Hugs to you. i can understand the pain of being a fugitive in your own house. I have suffered some part of this.
    My suggestion to you is not to let your MIL/SIL dominate your life. Being a family girl, it must be hurting you a lot to be away from your friends and relatives. Dont spoil/cancel your India trips becoz of them.
    I don’t know what was the dynamics when you built that house. But I see 2 ways from here:

    Option1: As some people suggested, you sell the house and take another one elsewhere and live happily. This is only possible if while building the house, there was no explicit promise of letting your MIL stay there, means it was not build with the purpose of her stay. It seems really obvious that your SIL is having hopes of having that house in future once your MIL is not there, else building the connecting door without your permission is not acceptable.

    Option 2: If selling is not possible, please make arrangements to stay there only for a day or 2, for the rest of the trip, plan visits to other cities in India, show your kids the different places of India and its culture. This is what I have planned for my kids. I have a very, very bitter past with my ILs , in fact, I left India only to escape them and though my heart aches to go back to my country , I kept on avoiding it because of them. Now, finally, I have gathered guts and am going next week, but I have made sure that I stay there very little.

    As far as telling relatives and friends is concerned, my dear, let me tell you one thing very clearly – no one in this world is going to determine your goodness or badness, whatsoever. Its all in your mind. If you think yourself to be justified and right, please go ahead and do it. The relatives will talk about you for a couple of days, after that everyone gets busy with their own lives. Nobody has got the time to waste on any other person. Also, everyone loves masala and gossip, so they listen to it. But trust me , no one changes their opinion about you, just becoz some one said so. they will judge you by how you behave to them personally. Don’t take others to be a fool. They would probably be aware of the real nature of your MIL and SIL and so would not be biased against you.

    So, relax, think what you want to do when you go there – about the house , about your stay. But for God’s sake (an for yours too), don’t deprive yourself and your kids the happiness of visting one’s own country and seeing its marvels. Good Luck to you !!!!
     
  10. rizi

    rizi Junior IL'ite

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    thank you very much, your words mean a lot to me.
     

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