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How To Change Husband's Attitude

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Pushhu, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. Pushhu

    Pushhu Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    I am a Working woman, and Our's is love marriage. Actually when we are in love my husband is not having job and he was searching for a job. I used to help him for his expenses . that time he and his mother both are forcing me to marry soon since I am thinking there is no money source for them ,but I came from very poor family and my parents were struggled alot to educate me so I have support my parents for some years then only I think about my marriage. some how my husband got job with 6000 sal and that time I was getting 34000. Then again those people started asking about marriage finally I have convinced my parents and got married after 3 years of my job.
    Intially he was so good... he was treating me very nicely. and I only purchaged every item in EMI's(TV,Washing machine,Fridge, Gas everything...c), until he get next job he was so good.. and my mother in law is money minded lady.. once he got good job then he started behaving differently.... always listening their mother and sister words , he is not at all giving me importance and now it bacame too much and he is tourchering me like any thing. last week he beaten me like animal only but that time my In law also there and she is encouraging him to qualrrel with me... He has some rules to me.
    I should not ask about financial matters
    I should not argue with him
    I should be always listen to his words
    I should go to office
    I should respect their parents
    I should be alwasys obedient to him

    Still he dont have that guiltyness that he has beaten me and still he is telling me the same.. If you agree for those rules then only you can live with me.

    I have desided instead of quarreling with him infront of my Inlaws I can agree those rules.

    I said I will acceot ur rules but I will not go to office , I will take care of our kid I will be at home only like that I said

    for that he said no u should go office other wise u should go to ur parents house.

    Finally I agrree to go to office since I dont want to fight infront of my In law

    I helped him alot before my marraige to him and his mother but now as a husband he is not able to server me.....


    Please can any one suggest how can I change his atttitude...

    Please forgive me for grammer mistakes , I will not be able to express my feelings fully .. If it is telugu I would have expressed much better.
     
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  2. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear this but you are an educated independent woman. No matter what, DO NOT TOLERATE PHYSICAL ABUSE!.
    By agreeing his rules, you are bowing down infront of your inhuman ILs and DH.
    You should take your stand. Only you can help yourself.
    It would be foolish if you quit your job.
    Continue your job but don't give money to your DH or ILs. Let your DH do whatever he wants with his money.
    You tell him that as per his rule, you will not question him about his finances but sameway he shouldn't question yours.

    You open a separate savings account for yourself if incase you are depositing your salary in joint a/c or giving entire cash to him.
    Spend only for yourself and your kid. Let him take care of all other expenses.
    Do not ever tolerate physical abuse. If next time he raises hand, tell him you will call police.
    Be strong. Hugs to you.
     
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    1.You can't change his attitude. And he will not change, as there is no regret in him after beating you, he wants to control you

    2. Don't ever leave your job. That is the only support you have,
    He clearly said if you don't earn money and give it to me, you don't have place here. go to your parents place.
    So he doesn't want you, but your money he wants.

    3. You are showing signs that what ever abuse happens and whatever rules he keeps for you, you will follow, to save your marriage. so he is doing more and more abuse and doing whatever he wants.

    4. He won't change, so you have to change yourself if you want better life, that means, think want you want in life, do you want to live forever like this. Or do you want to seperate from him. Once you decide that and do actions, he will come to senses if he wants you and your kid in his life. if he is the same better, you leave him and live with self respect.
     
  4. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    You can't change someone unless they realize their mistake and want to change themselves, which hardly ever happens. This is a great lesson that I learnt after forgiving someone for 3 years and still helping and yielding to him hoping he will change. We can't teach anyone to love and respect their own spouse and child. It's he who should think about his status before marriage and how much you have helped him in life. But who simply wanted to use you and got in relationship with you just for sake of the benefits, will never understand.
     
    madras2018 likes this.
  5. Pushhu

    Pushhu Senior IL'ite

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    Thanq pinky...
     
  6. Pushhu

    Pushhu Senior IL'ite

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    Today My mother in law taken my kid to my sister in laws place (vellore). actually yester day night my husband said that he and my kid wants to go there and if there they are goinging now they should not go until he gets 3 rd years....

    I can not quarrel with my husband about this , I just kept quite and didn't sayd yes/no and morning they have got up ready and started going....

    while going they said they will get him tommorow...


    but now they are telling they wont come tommorowsince it is tuesday .. they wil come only once my sisterin law's husband comes from Delhi....


    Todays will be first sleep for me without Kid...

    I asked my husband as you said tommorow they will come but she is telling tommorow they are not coming it seems.... then he is telling 2 days after they will come.....

    As a mother I dont have any Importance... they are doing as per thier wish...... I cannot fisht with my husband and I cant control my emotion... only... crying... crying... crying....


    Can any one sugggest something that can be done.....
     
  7. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

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    How long you want to be on this state?
    Do you have plans for future?
    Can you go to your mom's place like vacation for few days?
    Are you financially stable? Can you manage alone without dh ?
    Can you consider temporary separation?
    How is your husband's relation with kid?
    As others said you cannot change your husband. All you can do stand for yourself. Put your son in daycare.
    when mil was taking your son why you could not stop. You could have said you are not interested to send. Leave the kid here.
    I think you let them abuse. Don't let it happen for long.
     
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  8. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

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    It's really bothers me much how many are facing issues after marriage. It's not money actually but emotionally how they are draining.
    It's better to fight and stay in nuclear family than in joint family.
    How in olden days ladies put up with all these. Because they didn't open their mouth took the abuse, without an option. No wonder divorce rates were low.
    I really appreciate my mom, I those days she fought hell to come out of joint family.
    She came last to the big family of four brothers and former family. Elder brother was the authoritative. Once my older sister was not well it seems, my dad didn't have money in hand. My uncle didn't give anything. Mom immediately rushed to town , pledged her gold chain, got the treatment done.
    then she decided thatif she had to stay in the joint family she would not get anything . She fought with everyone to come out of this. Even my uncle hit her once. She was adamant. Those days temporarily went for separation for 1 year.
    FinAlly they agreed.
    My father is weak person he could not stand for himself and his wife. He always supported my other uncles.
     
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  9. Pushhu

    Pushhu Senior IL'ite

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    I can abuse.. but now a days my husband behaving differently.. he is scolding and beating me... like a animal...

    I am in notice period in the current organization, so i can not go to mom's place......

    I can put my kid in daycare but my husband is not willing to keep...

    My sister in law and mother in law are changing my husbands mind....

    I am thinking thatthey are making my kid to habitual to stay without me also.........

    problems are coming only my mother in law is comes to house....

    I will do all works at home and comes to office except cooking since my mother In law brother In law won't eat if I prepare.... only cooking she will do.....

    I will reach my house at 10.30 pm by the time hw will finish his dinner and I have to put bed for my husband.. he will not help in any works...

    morning they will wake up all will sit and watching TV,,,,,,,,

    I am not treating her son properly...... not giving tea, food, anything

    but still she will say very badly about me to others.... she will be scolding me and my family infront of others.....

    As we are low status people....and we are not equallent to their status....

    As she said they dont have anything except one house..... her son got good after my marriage only.... for my engagement she sent old saree which she had wore already for many times...... since they dont have money to buy..... she did like that she is talking about status.....


    but As of now.. I didn't ask her anything... like why you said like this.....

    My husband will not allow me to say all these things to him.....
    I am not telling to him that go and ask her... decision is for himself... as a husband he should listen what I will say.... he will not ready to listen....

    I am suffering alot with him.....

    Please can anyone tell me any pooja that can change my husband....
     
  10. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

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    When they came out only my sister was born. Later myself and my brother.
    She raised us single handedly.

    She got a name strong mouthed lady. She did not care. She fought with father to get us education. It is used be almost daily .

    We are all doing good now. Now my father takes pride in our education.

    Who ever bad mouthed my mom praises a lot.


    Why I am telling you All this , don't care of the society. Do whatever is good for you and your kids.
    have a belief in you.
    After all this my mother just studied 4th standard. See her will power.
     
    Neetu2323, joylokhi, gok and 2 others like this.

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