Sick Of Mil Drama. How To React

Be polite. Don't ask her silly questions like what's wrong! She is waiting for a chance to create a scene. Don't give her that.

Ignore her for as log as she's ignoring you. No need to even apologise. Do not apologise. Say, hello? How are you? If she ignores you, under the circumstances, that's great. There is no need to discuss the past. If she shouts, deal with it with stock phrases and ignore. It needs to slide of you.

It is impossible to have a normal relationship with such manipulative jerks. So don't even aim for it. You'll need to 5o be cool and detached. Or the drama will start over again.

I'd suggest you read the book I'm ok; you're ok. Ita about transactional analysis and will open your mind to a better way of communication with petulant people.

 

You can never win such a woman or her son by bending over backward to their demands. They will always expect you to dance as per their tune, and in result they will never see your sacrifices.

Your demand is to make your husband an adult from his present momma's boy status. It seems you have achieved to some extend which resulted this MIL drama.

Come on.. Don't give up. By giving up, you are gonna make your husband a momma's boy again. You are giving him a second chance to walk all over your life in the name of pleasing his egoistic mom.

Be assertive. That's how you have changed him to some extend. Continue to be the same strong, assertive woman. So that he will find a way to balance both the relationships.

Tell him that you are ready to visit MIL. But he must ensure you are not ill-treated by MIL, specially before the kid.
Tell him that you are not ready to receive any punishment from her, that too for none of your mistakes.
If MIL is gonna shout disrespectfully, your H should be able to stop her and save you. If that doesn't happen, then you will have to protect yourself on your own.
This may cost your MIL's respect, because you have no other choice. Clearly tell him that you can't take disrespect at any form.
So, ask him whether he is ready to protect you as a husband. If he is ready, then you are also ready to adjust other inconveniences at MIL's place as his wife. After all life is all about adjustments.

Here, your control should be your husband. Not your MIL. If H is a balanced man, no one can abuse you.
Above all, you should be ready to defend yourself and demand for respect when it comes to familial abuses like this. Don't give in for anyone's sake.

It is a myth that husbands would feel loved when wives takes abuses from MILs. In reality husbands would think his wife has done something wrong, hence being punished.

 

op let husband go.You stay away from all the drama.

 

Even she visits with all those conditional, he will not help. The way he is convincing wife to get the tantrums from his mother, he will not stand up for her. It is better to avoid the visit citing other reasons.

 

valid point....afterall he is going there to placate his mother while standing up for his wife will make the mother more furious.....husbands are not that fool........
tell your husband that you have not done anything wrong...so you are not going to visit your mother just because she is throwing a tantrum...
stop worrying that your husband will go away from you....if he loves you than he will understand that you are right....if he doesnt than sooner or later he will go away to his mum no matter how hard you try....

 

Op, Your MIL is acting like a spoilt brat and your hubby is enabling it. Put your foot down and do not go. If you go its all downhill from here. Your MIL will perk up , dust off and get back to her old self. Do you want that? Let your husband go if he wants. But before he leaves ask him to reassure you he doesn't get back to old self after meeting his mom. Good Luck.

 

You cannot just say you are not going to her place and expect the relationship between you and your husband to be fine. Its never going to happen seeing your husband's nature and behavior so far. So I would suggest you to go.
Just Go but don't react. If she shouts, tell her your side ONLY ONCE. After that, just be quiet and if she still yells, let her do so not just for 30mins, she can shout for the rest of the day.
Remember...You are not a reason for her anger. Its her insecurity, her foolishness and you cannot do anything about that. She has to work on it ...big time! You told her once your side of the story and she should get it. The most important thing for you here is ...DON'T EVER CRY!!!!! Ask yourself why should you cry?? Can you not stand your ground and tell your side? Simply, not going I find that as running away from the problem. Why should you do that when you are not guilty?

 

MILs are not fools either. With all the relationship experience, they know how to tune her son after all.
If he goes alone, she will not throw any tantrum. She will not scold or burst in anger, rather she will try her best to show how emotionally vulnerable she is, and how much it has hurt her.
She will remind him of all the hardship she has faced since his childhood, and how great mom she is.
She will have her allies beside, so they will also do their part in brainwashing him.
She will show him some regional movie about mother's love, so that he can be sentimentally fooled.
Besides, she will act as if she is treating you like another daughter, and all her advice are of your best interest only.
With all this drama, she will also give him his favorite food cooked at home, and show how much she tries to make him happy despite of her ailing age.

After this, she will start giving the slow poison about all the negatives of you. That too she wouldn't say you are bad directly. She would say your family/friends etc..etc.. is bad, thus they are a bad influence to you.
With a sweet smile, and innocent looks, some MILs are capable of brain washing their sons.

Given the fact that your husband has always been a momma's boy, and presently he is having this guilt feeling for hurting her, it wouldn't be that hard to melt him by his mom.

Leaving him all alone at this stage to meet MIL is rather a suicidal attempt, when it comes to your plans and progress towards making your husband an adult.

Just my 2 cents.

 

this species of husband develop their brain ever or not??? are they really fool to believe what their mother tells you or is it becuase that is all they want to believe....and if it is all they want to believe than how can one stop them from believing it??? would they never become so mature to see the drama behind the actions of their mother?? are they fool or they chose to close their eyes...