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Property Belongs To Whom?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SeekingMind, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    The realities of a single old person in a house all alone by themselves Vs a couple . Please take a moment to think it through. Its more important for the care taker to be around at least couple of times a day.

    So if a child takes care of one sick parent and realises the lack of support from her sliblings during that phase she is in the wrong to protect herself next time around?

    Taking care of someone healthy is very different from taking care of someone in their last days. The number of doc visits /hospital stays/...I very much doubt the mother could have managed by herself.

    OP Talk to a lawyer.
    They will be busy doing the math the cost of insurance in US + the reality of a MIL in the house vs property value etc etc .....
    Talk is cheap.
     
    Thyagarajan and KashmirFlower like this.
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Beyond all the legal and moral aspects is this very practical issue. A 24/7 nurse costs Rs 20,000-50,000. Above that, any hospitalization is ridiculously expensive. I couldn't believe when I heard what it costs per day in an ICU or even regular hospitalization. Each test, each medicine, each doctor visit.. the costs adds up.

    If unfortunately, the old lady ends up needing serious care, for even a few months, then, where is the money going to come from. Is there enough set aside for this. Someone has to look into that for her. A vague reliance on FD's, pension, govt. insurance is not enough. Physical care and personal care the daughter may be able to provide. Huge expenses she may not be able to bear due to having her own family and young children. If the son is going to be the source of funding for big expenses, cannot take a very hard stance against him now.

    Sometiimes, there is still some love, affection and kinship left between siblings that they can resolve such things under certain conditions - can the three siblings discuss this in whatsapp? Meeting in person won't help as there will be too many people. If only the three (no spouses) can discuss this frankly, each listing their grievances, and what each wants, and any past issues like so much was spent on this, I did this for father/mother... and consider their mother's welfare.. it is possible some agreement can be hammered out.. If there is no interference from spouses, relatives, and if none of the siblings is totally malicious and wants an unreasonable share.
     
    sweetsmiley and yellowmango like this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, it is commendable how involved you are in the matters of your FIL's brother's family. You seem to be quite close to your husband's cousins. Now-a-days, no one will make the time to get so involved in relatives matters, and know so much about each party's point of view and intentions. Most women will prefer to remain distant from such matters in husband's relatives. Are you very close to the daughter who lives 15 kms from your FIL's SIL's house? You have a good rapport with her.
     
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  4. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    You have a doubt that mother could have managed herself.. in the same way i had my own views and doubts about the daughter's claim.

    There is nothing wrong in protecting and taking care of parents... But asking for lion's share in property in the name of taking care looks different.

    And OP didn't mention anything about my second part of questions about son in law or Property share i.e. one floor for one person... However, she had mentioned about DIL's innocence in previous posts. So i have my own doubt that only partial information is presented here and not the real scenario...
    Of course, everyone have their own views...
     
  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    She has not ...she asked for her fair share and a confirmation which the son has a problem accepting since he 'built' the house and wants the whole pie because he is the son.
    No does not work that way . Will not be valid in court. He knows it as well hence the tantrums.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2016
  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Which is why I still admire my dads solution and the way he executed it.
    Sell the property . Keep the money in a bank . Use it for making the last years as comfortable as possible. Divide what is left.
     
    Thyagarajan, Laks09, Rihana and 2 others like this.
  7. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    My FIL is trying hard to avoid doing this. Reason family reputation among relatives.

    My FIL is involved in this. As I already mentioned earlier he takes it as his duty to see the welfare of the brother's family especially his SIL after his brother's death. And here my husband does not show interest in discussing this. He says its no use, finally they will do as they wish. He already started telling his dad let them take this to the court and settle. We cannot do much. I thought I should try to support my FIL in this and do my part since I know how close he was to his brother. Just by saying let them settle in court, you don't involve, will not work.
    Its always on my FIL's mind and we can't remove that. He may start feeling depressed if he sees there is no support in what he wants to do. And, I don't find what he is doing as interfering or something wrong.
    I am not very close to the daughter in India but from last few months I have been talking to her quite frequently over phone regarding this issue as per my FIL's direction. She is also reciprocating well. She is not taking it as some interference from me. And, as for the son, my FIL is in touch with him always.


    When so much of a issue is going on, and DIL says I am not concerned, its my husband's issue, what else does someone say other than that the DIL is pretending so very well.
    And about the Son in laws, the one in India has agreed to move in with his MIL. One floor for one person since one floor has 2 bedrooms and probably they need atleast that much space with 2 kids.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  8. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    I Think i didn't mention my point clearly.... I have asked whether son in law tried to resolve the issue by talking to BIL or to his wife?
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This case has more twists and turns.

    When there is no will from the deceased father, his property should be given to the mother, of course with the consent of her 3 children. If there is any objection from any end, then this property has to be shared in to 4. (mom and 3 children).
    If someone plans to buy it, then he/she has to pay for the remaining 3 portions (to mom and siblings).

    If any alternations are done after the demise of the father (the owner), then that amount has to be paid back to the spender.
    If anything has been spent before the father's demise, then it can't be calculated now. Because it was a spending you (whoever) did willingly on someone else's property. That does not qualify them to be the heir to that property.
    Eg: I spent a good amount to renovate my maternal uncle's house recently (as he is not wealthy enough to do the alterations needed). He is old, and if at all something to happen to him, I can't claim any share to that property at all. It will have to be divided among his children and wife.
    Similarly me and my bro spent a good chunk of money to re-build our maternal home before our marriage. The home was fully altered.
    After few years our dad died unexpectedly. So there was no will.
    With all our consent, that property belonged to mom.
    Mom has decided to give that property my sister, because comparatively both myself and my bro are doing great than our little sister. So we agreed.
    Now that my bro paid a huge money for the renovation, where as I paid considerable amount for the same when dad was alive. But that can't be calculated when it comes to property sharing.
    If at all we have a say, we could only ask our present share, which we chose not to ask for.

    Coming to the present problem. The mother needs to live with the daughter for her physical and emotional well being, provided she likes this idea.
    Generally Indian parents are not well prepared to spend their widowhood all by themselves. They have no friends, they have no hobbies, they have no life for themselves after having invested so many years for their family.
    It would have been a different case, if they are to live all alone as a couple. But forcing a elderly widow to live all alone is cruel.
    All they need at this age is to have someone around them, to talk to them, to cook their favorite food, and passionately care for them as how they cared for us when we were kid.

    When other 2 children of this old woman is living abroad, the only option she has for now is to live with her daughter in India.
    Living in her own home will definitely boost her confidence rather than living at daughter's home. Specially in India, it is not always normal to live with married daughter.
    This way, this old lady would be happy, confident and she can safely spend her last days at her home.

    Note: The daughter asks permission from others to stay in that house and do a few alterations. It doesn't mean live in that house forever, or own that duplex house.
    If her intention is former, then they can legally proceed it. The others can give her legal permission.
    If her intention is latter, then how come a sick elderly mom stay with such a sickening daughter?

    Since the son objects all this arrangements, the daughter can approach a lawyer, and take back her share together with mom's share (Which means 2:4 shares) of the house. She may consult her other sister and get a temporary living permit in her share if she agrees. If not she may chose to buy her share too.
    So, the problem is the brother.
    He has only one option. That is to sell his share to the sister or lock that portion forever.
    Choice is his.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2016
    coolgal123 likes this.
  10. dnormx01

    dnormx01 Gold IL'ite

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    Do you have any relatives or well wishers in the US who could go over and talk to the son and his wife? One on one talks always make difference. Tell him sternly that he is required to act now, has to take up responsibilities of mom. Keep sending as many people as possible to speak to him. Let him know how important it is.

    Again OP, kudos to you and family for being there for them.
     

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