Can Mom Be Cruel?

I also have a toxic relationship with my mom. I was repeatedly thrashed by her physically in my childhood. Will share it later

 

From spiritual angle, one gets relation's based on their past deeds. The sufferings in life come only to give us opportunities to work on our imperfections. Once we overcome our imperfection, we will become a better human being than we were ever before. In your case, your sufferings will teach you to be a loving, caring, sensitive, tolerant, patient person which probably were wanting in your previous birth. Take it in right spirit and use this life events to evolve higher. Sufferings do us good, beleive in that. Your Mom was your victim and now she is settling her scores with you! God is always fair. He is our father and makes sure we correct our mistakes and become best children.

 

IMO another case of narcissist mother.just distance yourself from her.Stop depending on her for anything.

 

does spritiuality say you have to be a victim throughout and suffer. i believe being a victim, and stating that you are helpless and this is my karma is again a bad deed. we live only once, do the best you can. sufferings do us good, but continuous sufferings take or squeeze out whatever life is left out..you just live because you have some responsibility or because you think anything else is sin. so live this present life meaningful

yes i agree with you learn from experience and exposure, in this case how not to be, how to revisit your own behaviour at certain points, the self analysis if what i am doing is right, or am i becoming like my mother or whoever it is..


validation and appreciation from your mother should not be your goal @hereiam0111 . stop looking for your mother's approval even for simple things as dresses for your family. small steps. stop thinking will my mother be happy if i do this, or will she scold. tell yourself, that you are an adult, you can pick what you need, and you don't need your mother's approval. and remember and tell yourself, to stop imagining her behind your shoulder or sitting on your shoulder and move forward. what she has done is done, she is not going to realise, and even if she were to realise it is wrong, it is of no use to you now.if she changes, it is good for the family.

the damage in your self confidence and your life is what needs to be repaired. so move forward. and do not spoil your family peace of mind by bringing your mother into the picture with your husband and kid. keep that separate. don't make her the shadow person always present in your life. it will affect your married life too.

 

@hereiam0111 : Hugs to you girl for being so brave. As other people have said - don't keep too much contact with your mother. What she does is not normal. But also accept that you cannot change her. Forgive her and slowly cut her off from your life. It sounds very hard hearted but that is the only real solution. How is your husband? And your MIL? How do they treat you? If they are good they will understand that you don't want too much contact with her. Anyways there aren't many MILs who are unhappy that DIL is not in regular touch with her family.

I have understood you are working. Please keep sufficient maids. Don't depend physically on anybody. It gets worse when you depend on people for anything. Make your own life away from your family of origin. If you want another baby - please do. But stop conveying these small things to your mother. Whether or when you have children is not for your mother to decide. Having a baby without parents' help is difficult but doable. Yes people do it and manage successfully. Don't explicitly say anything to your husband or MIL. If you do have a baby, deliver it while staying in your own home. A perfect excuse would be that you miss your husband and want to be with him.

Take baby steps. There is a website - flylady. She talks of cleaning and organizing the house. But to be organized on the outside you need to be organized on the inside also. Try going through the babysteps section at the bottom. You are blessed with a beautiful family. Have a happy and fruitful life with them

PS: A cousin had a baby without much family help when her first baby was 3. She got maids from almost the initial stage itself. So by the time the baby came, her house was running smoothly and kept separate maids for cooking, cleaning, vessels and clothes etc. Yes it is a little expensive to keep 3-4 maids but the cushion is that if 1 does not turn up, the whole housework does not come to a grinding halt. Please discuss with your husband that mother is working, I get lonely so want to stay here with you only and see how it goes.

 

Some people react better to tough love while they make soft people punchbag.
Sometime see how your mother react to tough love.
Tell her you are not able to forgive her for what she did to you in pregnancy.See how she reacts.