Joint Family

Caide · Sep 20, 2016

@beautifullife30 true they parted their ways dividing their own lands still all are not like that i like joint family atleast with in laws who knows what waits ahead of me in depends on people we settle down with if atleast hubby supports even in laws we can manage i think

beautifullife30 · Sep 20, 2016

that's fine da....like just the in-laws, the couple n the grandchildren is a large nice family if it works out. I like that too.

Go ahead and try to look for a doctor guy with a family set-up like that!

Caide · Sep 20, 2016

beautifullife30 said: ↑

that's fine da....like just the in-laws, the couple n the grandchildren is a large nice family if it works out. I like that too.

Go ahead and try to look for a doctor guy with a family set-up like that!
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doctor?? y is that?

beautifullife30 · Sep 20, 2016

Caide said: ↑

doctor?? y is that?
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Enna j adhukkullaye you forgot about the dentist boy an?

Caide · Sep 21, 2016

beautifullife30 said: ↑

Enna j adhukkullaye you forgot about the dentist boy an?
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haha oh yeah yeah i forgot

coolgal123 · Sep 28, 2016

jayasala42 said: ↑

I lived in a very big joint family with 3 couples, one terror Grandma and 18 children.The house was very big with a hall measuring 30feetx30feet, a big kitchen, 3pyols in the front yard, back yard thatched veranda with manual grinding stone and stuff, a big well, a big bath room.There was only a medium size room that was a safe room where Appa used to keep money in his trunk and table drawer.Privacy-totally nil.
Mother was always in kitchen.Patti was shouting.I havenever enjoyed mother's hugs.Even if I got first rank, my mother could not convey her happiness openly since two or three of my cousins performed very badly at school.There was no electricity.It was dark always.There were 3 lanterns, one in the kitchen, one in the hall and the other one was mobile,that was used to be taken by those who had to attend nature's call during night.
For children and temporary visitors on vacations it was a boon.My sister's children used to enjoy the shaded backyard with 18 coconut trees.On any one time some two or three cousins were pregnant and there were three or four infants sleeping in cloth slings all over the hall.,Some toddlers used to run here and there,peeing and phooing anywhere. We could not concentrate on studies even during exam.During public exam I used to spend most of the day hours in the outer precincts of Akilandeswari temple and returned home at 6.30P. M.
We used to be scolded and hit by aunts if we performed well and we were not allowed to share the marks with our parents.
I do not know if I were 18 now, whether I would have the same patience I had in good old days.
Due to migration to towns joint family system broke.Many of the individual houses in Chennai have been converted into independent flats.
People who have not lived in joint families or had a superfluous taste of joint family, or rich zamindar families with servants to take care, may speak highly of joint family system.But the situation of people belonging to middle and lower middle class was really pathetic.
As children we enjoyed , as very often there used to be functions like valikaapu, seemantham, birth day etc.But it was very difficult to cook, grind batter,serve food, clean vessels etc.There was no tap. We had to draw water from the well for every single purpose.Additional jobs as segregating pulses, making thatches out of coconut sheaths and leaves used to be done by us only as the house was a thatched one.
In 1945-55, the edn of girls was considered secondary and my cousins( boys) used to keep the brighter side of the lantern towards their side and we had to do maths Geometry with the dim light coming through the handle side.
There was no dearth of politics,always comparing one cousin with the other, teasing the child etc.
It was a real gloomy atmosphere throughout.My mother, lost her mother when she was two, lived in the same house for 82 long years, married her own maternal uncle.Her only desire when she died was" I want a small place of my own, where I can lie down peacefully on my torn saree without being disturbed.She passed away with her simple wish unfulfilled.
Another big handicap in joint family system is the person in charge has too many responsibilities and others feel that they are slaves to him.There is a possibility of youngsters becoming irresponsible and indecisive since they are not given opportunity to decide and the elders out of ego won't give up their space so easily.
The outward happiness is just a farce.It is comparable to the tamil proverb"Oyyara
kondaiyaam, thaazhampoovaam, ulle paarththaal penum eerum puzhuththu neliyuthaam"( The hair is adorned with beaitiful kodai and fragrant flowers;But inside the scalp, the lice and its eggs are crawling around)

Written out of experience.

Jayasala 42
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True....joint families on the outside look like a big happy family....but all the burns are faced by DILs(who gets no privacy, no freedom only gets lots of work like a slave....) and then daughters of the family (who again lacks freedom, they cant do things as par there wish because always there is one uncle who dont like daughters to do this and this and blabla)..

Suparni · Sep 28, 2016

beautifullife30 said: ↑

nice one @Caide

My first thought after reading your post was of the movie pirivom sandippom. The entire family lives under one roof and shares all the work load.

I loved watching that part of the movie.

But honestly, I donot prefer joint families. For the simple reason that one person is always made the scapegoat there for most work. In my case, it used to my mom who was made to do a lot of work. She has now become so weak and has a lot of pains in her body for all the work she did. Recently I attended a function where the house's DILs ended up doing the major portion of the work.

I am not sure what kind of farmer's family you are talking about but the farmers in my village donot work like that. The kids have all fought and divided the property. Harvesting time is more of a fight.

After seeing all this drama, living in the city is so peaceful.

However, I do love joint family system. But only on the holidays!
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Joint Family on holidays for today's generation means...

1) Meeting all family members on Wedding ceremony or other important function
2) Alumni meet of School/college sounds similar get together of friends instead of family....

Caide · Sep 29, 2016

Suparni said: ↑

Joint Family on holidays for today's generation means...

1) Meeting all family members on Wedding ceremony or other important function
2) Alumni meet of School/college sounds similar get together of friends instead of family....
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yeah true

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