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Property Belongs To Whom?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SeekingMind, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    Why do you have to involve dil here? If the son is at fault too we have the habit of involving woman to it..she is absolutely right and she has nothing eith his family affair and if at she involves she will and by her hubby only..
    Is that not too much pouncing on the dil here for son's words..uff women are biggest enemies of women ofcourse stands true
     
  2. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey OP,

    I have been reading your posts and let me share my experience here.

    My dad built a house in village. After he expired, we got a legal heir certificate stating everything belongs to mom as per the rule.

    Now, I am the only daughter taking care of my mom. My sister is not doing any favours to my mom. Also, even for my sister's delivery she is going to come here to my house since mom is staying with me and deliver a baby. So point here is I am only taking care of my mom through good and bad days. Taking her to hospital, bearing her expenses without asking for it from my sister.

    Now my mom is saying that the house in village is getting old and it needs to be repaired for which around 8 lakhs is needed.

    Since I am taking care of my mom, and since my mom is asking ONLY me to remodel the house, do I claim the house as mine?

    I asked the same question to my mom yesterday (sorry didn't read this thread until right now).......once I remodel the house and pay for its repairs, and also as I am taking care of you, will you be giving the entire house to me?

    My mom is cleverly quite on this subject. Also, it is not right for me to remodel as well.
    *****************
    Lack of will creates a lot of problems. While applying for the legal heir certificate, the main criteria was that me and my sister signed the document stating our consent that my mom is the rightful owner.

    The house should now belong to the mom or if the children don't agree to it, then kids and the mom get equal share.

    From your posts, this is what I think/ feel should be done:

    1) Get a proof from the son regarding how much expenses were incurred and the two daughters paying their third of share rightfully so everyone is equally placed

    2) The daughter might have rendered the physical services but that does not give her the right to move into the house and remodel it. She is also clever in trying to remodel the house, so tomorrow, even she can stake a claim saying even she paid for the remodeling

    3) The son's fear of sister not agreeing to leave the house in future is true.
    **************
    My dad's sister has occupied a room in our house in village and put her entire stuff in the room. This room is an addition and not a part of the main house. She is not leaving this room at all. Since me and my sister are in different states, it is not possible for us to go that place and sort this out. She is playing a beautiful game of not vacating now. What do we do here?
    ***************
    To avoid a similar situation, the sister needs to be at her own house and take care of the mom if she wants to.

    Look, everyone has a little right and little wrong on their side - there is no particular law or rule that can be applied here. Its better if they as a family sit together and discuss or sort this out.

    If the son is not ready for discussion, then threaten him saying the sisters have a right to claim a share. Maybe that might prompt him to agree for a discussion.

    My sympathies are with the mom. She is the one suffering a lot in this fight for greed. Let her stay in the house with a fulltime maid. I feel the son might not have an issue if the daughter doesn't keep talking about moving upstairs and remodeling the house.
     
  3. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey OP,

    The daughter's reasoning is not consistent with her actions.

    On one hand, she says she needs privacy so need the remodeling done.

    However, she refused the brother's offer on buying anew flat and is keeping the mother with her. What happened to all the looking good in front of other people or needing privacy now?

    I somehow feel, she is not as saintly as she portrays herself!
     
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  4. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    OMG this all is so true...sorry for diversion but i was shocked when i came to abroad and found out that in one person salary we can afford this lifestyle only here....while in India out lifestyle was much better....but i think this problem of frugality occurs because of converting every price into Rs. nd than comparing.....obviously cost of living in india is much less but still we are able to save much more here than in india...
     
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  5. Lakshmi6197

    Lakshmi6197 Gold IL'ite

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    :biggrin: This frugality occurs as what we save when converted to Rs. is a big amount. Everybody does their own adjustments as per their priorities. That is how all NRIs live at least in the starting years. People who get transferred live like this all the time. They cannot establish a full home anywhere. There is a good part to it as well - we learn how to manage in whatever is available which is a big life lesson for children.

    My daughter does go to school by the school bus as this carting every morning and evening is not my cup of tea. Bu I do other things - make 3 fresh meals for them everyday. Make sure they eat well and spend time as a family.
     
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  6. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    I have gone through all the responses. Thank you all. Helps a lot to get a different viewpoint.
    Some of you have asked when the son wants to buy a apartment separately for his mother the daughter in India says that its not required as her house can accommodate mom too but then when mom wants to move to her house, this same daughter wants to remodel it and make it separate unit so her inlaws can visit.

    Here is what I got from what my FIL said.

    Daughter in India is working, returns home at 5 or 6 pm. Has 2 school going kids. Husband returns home at about 7 or so. Kids have tuitions, activities in the evenings. Then as usual like everyone evening chores, cooking etc. If her brother takes independent apartment, it will not be next door to hers or will not be in the same building. There are no more flats available to buy in their building so obviously he will take it outside. Its not easy to go and check on her mom everyday. And, she feels its necessary to see her mom, atleast once in a day since whole day mom will be all by herself. Instead of all this trouble she can keep mom at home and that is more convenient for her. Now, if her inlaws want to come, they can also stay for however long since for them there will be no objection, its after all their son's house. So, she says she prefers to keep her mom with her as it is convenient for her too look after mom's needs when she is living in their house. If mom is at some other location even within 1 km, she has to hire a full time maid to stay with her especially night times. The old lady has BP,Sugar and arthritis. The daughter says even if mom may manage but I will not have peace of mind. And, what is the necessity to let her stay all alone when dad is not there. That is why she told her brother you don't need to take a separate flat.

    Now coming to the mom wanting to go back to her home. The old lady's house is 15kms from the daughter's house. The daughter says she too can go with mom as her husband has no problem to move along with kids to that house. They will make arrangements for commute. Kids have no problem too as the school bus comes there. And, they can give their own flat for rent. She plans to use a portiong of that rent to hire a maid to stay with mom during day time and the rest spend on their commute. Before moving, she wants to make the upstairs a separate unit, make a new entrance from another side, keep another staircase from that side, make few necessary changes to make it an independent unit, independent of downstairs since now the house is duplex. The reason she gives is when her inlaws visit they will feel free and feel it their son's house rather than thinking they are coming to their DIL's father's house.
    That way her mother is downstairs, she lives upstairs and can be near to mother and same time not discourage her inlaws from visiting them.

    Anyway, the way the son reacted to this proposal, matters got worse and ugly. After the son said he is not going to allow that to happen. Instead of allowing her to get in, he would rather give it on rent. There was exchange of nasty words between them and then the daughter said she will demand her share. At one point of time the son told my FIL he will take his mom to US and look after her. We all thought that will happen but nothing came out of it. Now the plan is dropped. Have to wait to see what will be the outcome of this mess.
     
  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear, i think son should relinquish his rights on the property as this is the least he could do for his mother, because he is not there to take care of her ...so at least he can help her sister in taking care of her mother ....sister intention might be of taking house or not but i guess this would be best for the mother....
    debate on sister's morality can go on though :)....
     
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  8. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear SeekingMind,
    From what i am able to gather, if the son and DIl are not able to keep their mother with them and look after her in the US, they should be happy and grateful to the sister who is willing to shoulder the responsibility and find a longterm solution for her mother's care. It is easy to say that the sister's inlaws/husband are not doing anything great by agreeing/accomodating all this. In practice,in so many indian households and in my own family, i find absolutely no cooperation when it comes to looking after my aged mother even when she was in a serious condition and all the onus was put on my brother - as he is the SON. Ofcourse i went ahead and did what i could but without disturbing my family(husband and sons) in any way, and that was expected of me as a matter of right!
    A reasonable distribution of the property can easily be arrived at with the help of an advocate, at the same time , all three children and the mother should think on moral grounds also.
    As u say, you can just watch and wait for a proper solution to the problem - if they are all not cooperative.
     
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  9. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Op,

    I have gone through ur FIL's response about daughter's day to day schedule and practical problem to check Mom's condition if she stays alone.. But how come the same daughter took care of her sick father with all this problems? so she didn't visit everyday to took care of her father..With all these everyday constraints, daughter could have visited maximum once in a week or two weeks once for couple of hours.

    And father was ex.govt employee and had pension.. so no financial support or everyday support... mother must have taken care father's everyday physical need. Brother must be definitely thinking all these points when she try to claim that i took care of sick father... Sorry, but lot of different versions from daughter based on different questions...

    And 4 persons are there for share in that house - how come she can take one complete floor in duplex house for remodeling... So other two siblings and mom need to share the other floor? that's not fair division... Now itself the word started "Son in laws" house for her Inlaws visit... That's definitely not right before property division... And whats the real take of son in laws here? Are they keeping quiet for this whole issue?
     
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  10. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    When her father was sick she would bring both her parents to her house till the father got better. This happened several times as we know of. Once he got better they would go back and manage on their own though ofcourse they had maid for other chores.
     

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