Sick Of Mil Drama. How To React

If your DH is willing to go , let him go and convince her and make her normal. As it is her nature , your DH aware of it, let me handle the way he wants.. Its not your fate to listen to her tantrums.
your MIL kind of people are attention seekers/emotional black mailers. If you keep giving a chance , they expect more.

Its time to let her know that she cant keep doing the same, ignoring is the best chance for you.

If DH insists try talking to her normally, if she starts the drama, say that you did not know that DH not informed her, otherwise you could have informed her earlier, and change the topic. Say otherwise kid crying has to go.

 

Let your DH go alone and bear his mom's shouting.

If you accompany him, then make sure you speak to her in the presence of your DH. Let your DH see how she is behaving with you.

 

If you want to make your DH happy, then go with him. But speak to your MIL only when your DH is around. Ignore and don't answer back to her comments.

 

Be positive and strong. Tell him you will talk to her in the phone. Say that you are tired out of vacation, dont want to travel again with kid.
As I understood from your thread you are staying away from MIL, how does that matter to her if you go for vacation or not, any way you will be away.

 

OP,

If your DH is anything like mine, i would suggest you accompany him. My DH has once ,in the middle of a conversation about his family, said to me that he thinks of him and me as a team. And that if he cannot count on me to stand by him and support him ,who else can he rely on. your MIL is a part of your DH's life . Its only natural that he wants to patch things up with her. And IMO, that is the right thing to do too. I would not respect a man who is willing to cut off his mom from his life at the simplest of provocations. Be the bigger person here and fall in with your DH's plans. If your MIL makes it difficult for you,inform your DH. Atleast he will know that you tried. Trust me, if your DH knows that you have his back , it will only make your relation stronger.

 

You don't have to take abuse from your mil. Tell your husband you wish to have an adult relationship with her and do not wish to hear her abuse you. She has to stop being like this to you if you are to have a relationship with her. Even the half an hour is unbearable and it is so wrong ad toxic especially for the kids.

Tell him you don't want him to go alone and that you want to be there for him, with him..However you are sure he'll agree whe uou say your child's mental health and wellbeing is more important during these developmental years.

So he has to manage his mum.

Do not explain to her or ustify yourself. Stonewall her when she starts screaming and repeat a stock phrase like "calm down first " or "we can talk after you calm down" or "stop shouting"

Make eye contact and have an open body language and a look of disgust on your face when she screams. Don't flinch. Practice in front of the mirror. Have a back up plan ready with your husband like to quickly remove yourself to a hotel if she's too vicious.

It's great to ensure one doesn't cut ties with their parents. However if they are vile and abusive, it is not only ok, it is necessary.

Don't take abuse or provide and audience for her drama.

Read up about narcissistic behaviour, verbal and emotional abuse. Show your husband relevant articles about diffusing the situation instead of taking the abuse lying down.

 

Op...first of all you both start acting like adults.

You both are parents now and should demand to be treated like adults.

You don't live with mil and you don't have to take permission to go any where.

What the hell is this nonsense of going to mil's place to take your punishment from her to calm her down.Looks like he is taking you to his mother for 'sacrifice' like a goat.
This reminds me of the story of the monster who lived on the hill and everyday one villager had to go to the hill to satisfy her hunger...a bit of an exaggeration but fits your mil's case.
If you let your mil carry on with this nonsense...she will grow into a bigger and stronger monster.

Please sit down with your husband and discuss with him.
Inform him how sick and tired you are of being treated like a brainless idiot.(exactly...that is what your husband 's request is.Go stand in front of her and take **** from her for 30 minutes like a brainless idiot)
You are a parent of a child and will no longer tolerate being insulted like this in front of your child.It is humiliating ,abusive and it is wrong for a child to see his/her parents being treated like this.So going there to take your 30 minutes of punishment is ruled out.

Tell him you will go with him if he will man up and stop his mother from insulting you both like this specially now that you both are parents.

Reduce the duration of the visit....and if she does not behave ,then you both will return back immediately to send a message to her that she cannot treat you both like this.

And no....even sons do not have to tolerate nonsense from their parents. A man who protects his wife from his abusive mother deserves far more respect than a man who presents his wife to his mother for abuse.
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I think your husband is not just being silly but also too hasty.This is a perfect time to let her know this nonsense can not continue.A few months of silence will send the message across to her that her behavior is not acceptable.