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Fed Up With Mils Cheap Tricks

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by asha3, Sep 27, 2016.

  1. asha3

    asha3 New IL'ite

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    We both are working and mine is Work from Home based job. I am completely fed up with my MILs actions (which turned from bad to worst actions these days). She is good and acts like a mother when my DH or FIL is around, but will show the true nature of MIL when I am alone with her. I am an expert at cooking and all others love my Dishes too.

    MY FIL is having some gastric problem and my MIL is a sugar patient. MIL never give a chance for me to cook, I am dying to eat her food without chilly powder, she never use lemon or tamarind even, no leafy vegetables at home, No masala dishes. I should eat whatever she cooks. Daily all the curries will be with salt and some turmeric powder. I should eat previous night rice not the hot rice like all others and should have only spoon quantity of curry. She will ask me to have pickle and curd rice (I hate curd) for lunch . I Skip rice at nights, and thought of having some tiffin of my choice atleast and she never give a chance for that too even. She order to have some left over breakfast or to have chapathi without curries.

    These days she is forcing me to eat the spoiled food too. I refused to eat such spoiled fruits and food, infront of her only throwing in Dustbin. But she is not stopping all these inhuman activities on me. Daily asking me to eat all the left over food and she enjoys her lunch and dinner with hot rice and curries. She treats me badly not even like a maid.

    It takes 2min work for me to set fire in family&have ability to shout on her and tell her all the stupid things she is doing to me but I want some peace at my HOME. Of corse all 365 days are not horror days, my ILs used to visit my home twice a year but will stay 2 months per visit. These two months stay making my life like hell. She ask me to cook food on my fasting days, I m on fast for last dusserha the whole 10 days & used to have one meal at night and Im forced to cook all non veg dishes for 10 people daily, I dont know how to control these type of tricks.

    Please help me to how to avoid such tricks and making my life miserable. My DH ofcourse very supportive and I m still surviving with his support in my Family. Still I dont want to disturb him daily complaining about her cheap tricks. Please Help !!!!

    I have to control this as my ILs are soon going to stay with us completely. Need all your suggestions.
     
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  2. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

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    Its only 2 months, why are you allowing her to cook.. say amma take rest i will cook for you like that and cook.
    Or before she wakes up start cooking your favorite food. She wont be in kitchen for 24 hrs right..
    Prepare curries for 2-3 days , refrigerate and have rice/chapathi with them.
    Your DH is also liking such food. I think he is not. When is around say i would like prepare so so curry which DH likes.

    If spoiled food is given, throw that in front of her only. Say it is spoiled.. Say you are not in such bad situation to have this food.
     
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  3. Lakshmi6197

    Lakshmi6197 Gold IL'ite

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    What does husband have to say about the food your MIL gives you? Do you have any meal with your husband? If not, sit near him and eat and casually mention the food - not complaining but as a part of conversation to him. What kind of husband will be ok with his wife eating this kind of food? You are working or not does not matter. If they can't feed you, they should not have got their son married. And make a rule that everybody eats the leftovers - at least you and your husband - equally. My MIL did the same thing to me - and added - eat else we will have to throw it away as nobody will eat it or eat else we will have to give to maid as nobody will eat. Have a frank discussion with your husband. Best would be to bring this to DHs notice in front of her.

    Regarding the fast - do your job. God is seeing who is doing what.
     
  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    It's your attitude you need to change. Its your home. You eat what you want. You do not HAVE to listen to her or anyone else who is intruding into your personal space. When she orders you to eat food you don't want, say it loudy, firmly and dismissively. "No, mum. I don't want to eat that." If she sat's it's going a waste, laugh and say, "ha ha! I'm not a dustbin. " And serve yourself good food. Cook by all means for yourself saying I don't eat that mum. When my mil tried tricks with me when my child was a few months old, I coolly said I wouldn't eat stale food and ordered food in.

    Or I'd cook and freeze for later. So on days she tries tricks I'd defreeze a personal pack of my food.

    It is where you draw the line that matters. Then tell your husband jokingly while your mil is present that mum has confused you for an old fashioned wife. And give mil a pat on her back saying, don't worry mum. We'll bring you to the 21st century.

    At all costs be diplomatic and gracious. And keep your husband on your side. You have to constantly and consistently refuse to take crap from her. If she complains, look stunned and say, "sorry. No offence. I just don't like this food/ old food / curd rice." Andcontinue doing it your way.

    I doesn't matter whether she is with you for 2 months or 2 days. When she s big a disrespectful and vile, you immediately put a stop to it.
     
  5. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    How your mil forces you to eat left over , spoiled food??? Does she forces the food down your throat????
    Stick this in your mind that YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ALL THE THINGS WHICH SHE TELLS YOU TO DO....
    You are neither a child nor a slave....you are an independent free mature adult....you do what you think is the right thing to do...be right to others and to yourself too....
    Next time politely says to your mil that i am not feeling like to eat leftovers....i prefer to eat fresh food....show no hurt, no anger, no irritation or frustration while saying this....say it naturally....then serve yourself the dishes which you want to eat and take the quantities which you like....
    If you want to cook too, cook one dish as par your taste....
    Be polite but be firm and do what you want to do....nobody has any right to tell you, what to eat what to wear etcetc
     
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  6. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    How can she make an adult grown woman do something she does not want to, how can she dictate your tiffins. You seriously need to toughen up girl. Tell her I don't want to eat that and I will eat this. Cook what you want, does she put lock on kitchen. Defy her, in a polite manner. Say out loud I feel like having such and such curry to DH and FIL and then go in to kitchen and start preparing it. You need to start standing up for your self as no one else will, take charge of your life. You would not allow a co worker or someone on the street to tell you what to do, so why let her. Also you need to get her to unveil her true feelings and treatment of you in front of DH and FIL. I did this and that was the only way to get DH to understand your predicament. Good luck.
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    +1
    Specially...in your own house. C'mon girl,stop being a victim ,get your life in order.
     
  8. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    My Mil tried this too. Next day of marriage, lunch - she replaced ALL good chapatis on my plate with burnt ones. II shut up. I was flying to the US in 10 days and this wouldn't matter. The first time she came to the US for 6 MONTHS, I treated her like God, serving only fresh hot food. Soon she started expecting that treatment every. single. time. She will not old yesterday's food. Heck, she will not even repeat afternoon meals at night. Whatever old remains, I have to eat. Not even husband. The second time she visited us, I shared it with my husband. Third time, I shared it amongst all 3 of us. She didn't like it. Fourth time, when she was here, I had just miscarried at 3 months and I was told to eat nutritious fresh food. When I told her, she agreed. So it was only she and hubby who was eating the leftovers. Soon she decided, she cannot see her son eat leftovers and told me to share it with her. And this was 3 days after my miscarriage. So one day there were leftovers, which she said very strongly - as if making her point very clear - I AM NOT GOING TO EAT LEFTOVERS. I said Ok - Told my husband - in front of her - throw that out with your own hands. He did. He understood I was right.It killed me from inside to throw away perfectly good food. But there was no way around it. The next time - she did not resist. We shared the food equally.

    Lesson learned - Take a stand. No means No. Choose your words and tone carefully, depending on the kind of peole you are dealing with and the kind of situation you are dealing with. Good Luck.
     
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  9. asha3

    asha3 New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for some inspiring replies, let me give a try.
     
  10. asha3

    asha3 New IL'ite

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    Very true and well said . Thankyou
     

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