Can Mom Be Cruel?

If you and your DH want to have second kid, then your mom shouldn't be the factor , you and your H just tell that we manage by ourselves, and stick to it. If she shouts let her, keep ignoring and stand by your words and decisions. Stay strong what she can do? If she insults in public, she is making herself a fool.
by now all might be knowing she is like that only and all might be ignoring her.

Don't even ask her opinions or ask for help. Keep doing your work, if she interferes tell her let me do it my way.

My MIL is of that kind, if I allow she will do all that. so I ignore, if it is my function she will not be involved much except sitting, if it is her function, I will not get involved, go eat and come.

 

Be happy atleast your MIL is good towards you. And, the very fact that you are respected everywhere else except in your mom's mind shows that something wrong with her and not with you. So, just forgive her. I know you may think its easier said than done. But, When you train your mind to think that after all she is my mom, what a poor soul she is that she is depriving herself from her daughter's love and affection by such behavior. She does not realize what she is doing to herself by keeping me away. This kind of changing the way you think will bring peace to your mind. Also, practice meditation. Meditation helps you heal emotionally.

 

one of the powerful effect of a toxic or a narcissitic person is that you are made to think that you may be doing something wrong, that you are not fit for love..so stop doubting yourself. stop trying to find excuses for her behavior.

she sounds too toxic, and you need to set boundaries for yourself. to heal and to live your life well you need to be strong, learn not to allow her legacy shadow your motherhood..

if you think moms always take care and love their children, maybe i am the odd one here who is going to introduce you to the whole world of toxic parenting, narcissitic mothers, mothers who cannot love their children. it is not exactly their fault, some of them do not even realise that they do it, but then you can't keep forgiving and sacrificing yourself on the altar of being the best daughter.. sometimes, you need to learn to draw lines..this is your life, that you live your way, being strong, healthy, happy instead of being constantly seeking approval and being in fear.

8 Types of Toxic Patterns in Mother-Daughter Relationships
daughters with narcissistic mothers - daughters of narcissistic mothers

and susan forward has written about not just toxic parents, she has written about mother's who cannot love too.. definitely recommend to understan the toxicity that mars a otherwise beautiful relationship spectrum in general.
Susan Forward Books, Related Products (DVD, CD, Apparel), Pictures, Bibliography, Biography, Community Discussions and more at the Susan Forward Store

 

Your mom is quite dominating and finds easy target in you and your father.She is unable to do the same with your sister and that's why she is ok with it.

Stop sharing all details of your life with her.Visit her once in 6 months or a year.Do not become anxious about what she will shout if something goes not as planned.Rather when she shouts at you in front of others,tell her firmly not to shout and ask her to leave the place so that you can handle things yourself.

Make sure your kid is not exposed too much to this shouting,else she(your little one)will get an impression that she can get whatever she wants from you by yelling.

 

OP,

Have you ever sat with your mom and openly told her your feelings?

Probably she is not realizing the fact that her behavior and words are hurting you. Your problems will not be solved unless you openly talk to her and express your concern.

May be she is like that. She may try to change if you express your concerns.

 

Dear, hugs to you. I know how you feel. I had a very bad relationship With my mom too. She was so insensitive and harsh that I never felt loved at all my entire life. She has changed for better with age but damage is done . No one except someone who is in a similar situation can ever understand how painful that is . It's a huge void in life, it defines you in so many ways . But I have found peace to some extent and it was a long process . key word is forgiveness . Her actions are because of her own messed up mind. Accept that you were not destined to have unconditional love of a mother. Also suggest you to read find your inner peace by Diane cooper.