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Wandering Minds Of Newly Married Guy

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Diesel72, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. Diesel72

    Diesel72 New IL'ite

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    True. We did not do it.
    Actually its been 9 months, I have been seeing her for a year. We lived together for month and half. Will spend next few months with DW.
     
  2. Diesel72

    Diesel72 New IL'ite

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    Yes, I think we need counselor. Both herself and myself.
    We will look into it if this continues for few more months.
     
  3. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    You told her you are not interested in her past and whatever happened is not important to you. That's definitely very positive thing. It is positive and assuring for some people but for some it is a total turn off. Instead of telling her you are not interested try this. Next time first start off by telling her your past, doesn't matter nothing happened interesting but just start the topic like that. Then ask her gently you want to know every detail from her past. Once she opens up, listen patiently. Its never waste of time to do that. By doing that you are giving her a chance to bond with you emotionally. May be there is really something that happened and she wants to know your opinion. May be she was judged or criticized and she wants to know what you think. So many things to speculate. Don't just brush away. Its not easy for all to forget their past.
    For some people it takes a slow gradual process to wean out of their past. That will happen only when they are able to trust and bond completely with their present spouse. If all she wanted was for you to hear her past then y ou may find it odd and also irritating that she wants to always talk about her past when you are alone, but let go. First few days or even several months it may be just way too much of past talk and crying and all that when you both are alone. Just bear with it. Slowly, she will reduce that. Just give some time. Once the venting is done to her satisfaction she will be all yours. In the meantime remember, don't criticize or judge her based on her past.

    Best Wishes.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2016
    NeetaR likes this.
  4. rajkumarxxx

    rajkumarxxx Bronze IL'ite

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    Then, something is wrong. As others said, some thing is blocking her in opening up to you. You have to know it, to work on it. May be, her guilt on her past. Or something else.
     
  5. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    OP,

    It's almost 1 year of marriage. Why it took so long to process her papers / dependent visa?

    How can she get close to you or trust you if you are taking so long to take her with you? May be this is also one of the reason she is not coming close to you, may be she heard stories of NRI men marrying in India and leaving their brides back home.

    Talk to her openly, process her papers ASAP and take her with you.

    In every marriage trust and bonding should form first, intimacy follows later. First thing is you both shuld start living together build the mutual trust and bonding with each other, then slowly everything falls in place.
     
  6. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    So far,you and your wife are in a long distance relationship.You both spent only 1.5 month together in this 1 year,which is too less a time to understand and bond with each other.Once your wife gets to spend more time with you and gets to understand you,she will grow closer to you.For many women,emotional bonding with their husband is very important first step before love making.When you get to spend the next few months with your wife,take her for honey moon,talk and bond with her,find out her likes and dislikes and pamper her.She will open up for sure.
     

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