Off late I find myself wasting a lot of time thinking or worrying about something that happened. A comment passed by an in law or a friend or an acquaintance. Certain behaviour from a colleague at office. A total stranger showing a mean face or attitude. When someone behaves badly with my loved ones, that affects my emotions even if the person doesn't care himself/herself. These are a few cases. At times I know that its silly to even think of what happened, but it comes back to me. I mope. The chunks of time I waste on worrying or being bummed out, if summed up would account for a considerable amount of time. I have lost valuable time that I could have used to do something meaningful. Children aren't that way. They bounce back swiftly from what happened. Men most often seem to ignore the issue. May be its lying around somewhere in their minds, but they don't let it rule their day or take over 'their own' emotions. There are several threads in IL that circle around similar issues posted by women. Is this a common phenomenon for women? Do you mope, if so how long do you mope and why do you think you do so? If you don't, what do you do in situations that upset you or make you anxious or in general take over your emotions? How do I keep my emotions at bay regardless of anything? Any suggestion that works, I am willing to take it.
Actually if its silly i ignore. If it is a little hurtful, i used to mop earlier now i give it back to people! When i started doing that i stopped having these moping sessions. Once i started talking back, i understood which ones were critical and needed to be tackled and which ones are silly ones that could be ignored! If you keep your frustration within yourself, it leads to this. Talk about it, vent about it n the next time it happens dont keep quiet.....n your sessions will not be there anymore!
This is exactly how I do. Earlier I used to be sensitive person. I never used to talk back thinking that would hurt others...but later replied back aggressively some time harshly also.. this way other person also thinks twice to comment anything. after some time, started replying diplomatically. Some time I ignore.This way we will not hurt them directly, but made sure that they get a message. Now I don't mop about it. Feels good. I taught this to my mom. She is used be even more sensitive than me.. now can see the confidence in her. I am teaching the same to my DD.
Giving back is one solution. Its possible with people in a close circle! Thank you for your response.
I am also looking at situations that will not concern how the person originally is. Thanks for your response!
So true....we are human beings, so sometimes its really hard to ignore things. Now a days I am practicing to ignore....it really helps, I am still in the process of practice, hopefully I will succeed in this
@kcb Thank you for your post. If you can tell how you ignore, it will help me. Like you mentally say 'ignored' or practice any other way...
There is no other way.....whenever any particular issue keeps bugging me (if i cannot do anything about it / solve it ) i just keep telling myself ignore and try to come out of those thoughts..... My policy in life is - 1. Solve the problem/issue if the solution is in my hands or if atleast i can try to solve it OR 2. Leave it to God and ignore if there is no solution in my hands
Hi, Depends on the personality of the person. Sensitive ones take it to heart and take a while to get over it. The nearness to the relationship, how close one is will determine the time frame on how they overcome it. If it is a in law, or spouse or siblings or parents, the obvious relationship is strong and the hurts are deeper and also depends on the issues at hand. Not all issues are in one basket. But definitely the above relationship is stronger irrespective of the issues and therefore hurts sustained are quite deeper and will stay longer and takes time to heal longer. In such situations even though guys are moving easily than told, I feel that they don't let out their feelings easily whereas females talk/vent it out. Infact females are more likely to recover faster because they let out their feelings whereas guys hold it up. So it is hard as there is no way to find out unless the person is really close to you. Friends and others can too cause hurts, but all depends on the situation in question and the hurts sustained as result of them. But the personality plays a role here as well. How to cope?? That is a good question. Ignore, if possible. Or keep quiet. Or vent out. people all have their own coping skills. Argue if possible and if there is going to be solution with regards to it. If you already know the nature of in laws etc, and you find that the argument is going to take you nowhere, what is the point in wasting your time there! You could utilize that time in ways you find is going to help you. In general discussion or keeping quiet has been helpful to me. Well, to mope is a normal phase a human has to go over, and we can take as long as possible, but the end result should be that you have overcome whatever the issues are. No matter how long one takes, the result should be for the benefit of the psychological improvement of the person in question and finding solution or strategies to avoid it etc. No particular time frame we can put here, but if we find that the situation has become really chronic ,then counselling would definitely help. This is especially useful for marital and close relationship issues. But if we know that we can overcome it ourselves, self motivational thoughts and readings can help. But we should not think that the time we spent to recuperate is a waste of time. It is something which every individual encounters and take it as part and parcel of life. Not at all sure, whether my writings have any relevance to the question you have asked or has answered you at all. Btw I liked your avatar quote! Will help as well! All the best for you! Vaidehi
