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I Thought I Married But He Thought He Leased Me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by gok, Sep 22, 2016.

  1. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    What lessons would you say you learnt from this experience or will pass on to your daughters when they pick partners ? You don't have to post your response - just something to think about..

    No doubt he was untrustworthy with a dubious character, but you chose him. I'm suggesting that you examine what caused you to choose him & led you to make bigger & bigger investments in the relationship overlooking red flags. Understanding this may have a big impact on your life.

    No experience is wasted if it helps us learn something important about us and the world around us. Go from there.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2016
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  2. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Extremely sorry to hear this.. Let this idiot take care of his child ... Though its tough as a mother to loose the child..I have seen many divorcee guys leaving their children with the mother and happily trying to remarry another women.
    Talk to good divorce professional lawyers and get the complete money out of him as settlement. Please take care of your first child and leave his family asap. My prayers for you.
     
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    What is the purpose of giving up her kid, knowing he is untrustworthy?
    You really mean to leave this tiny infant on some irresponsible, cruel, untrustworthy man? Knowing he would soon cheat another woman, and go on and on until her get caught and punished. Either ways, there is no guarantee for the kid's healthy future?
    Do you think this mother, or any mother can rest peacefully knowing her kid is unsafe at someone's hand - although he happens to be the dad of the kid?
    Of course he is a branded criminal. He deserves punishment. But this child is not a tool to punish him. A child's life is so crucial, and she needs a secure environment.
     
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  4. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    I totally agree @SGBV... but he cannot wash away hands just like that.. A kid is a responsibility and i feel even men has to take that pain .. Every time we women are left with taking care of kids and men are enjoying like with other women without any responsibilities.. The guy may be cruel to wife but i am not sure if he would be cruel to his own children!
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Kids are not some toys to take risk with that if you are uncertain about. It is life.
    I agree, the men must take equal responsibility. But if he is irresponsible, and there is no good history about his behavior, then how come you (the OP) leave the tiny infant with him?
    If the purpose is just to punish him, and prevent him from enjoying with other women, then there are other methods.. Such as filing a complaint in the police, taking legal step, naming and shaming him for his act etc..etc..
    But taking risk with a kid is not a clever idea.
    How come a responsible mom can stop thinking about her child ever after, that too after leaving the kid in the hands of some irresponsible man?
    Isn't it a heavy punishment for the mom than him?
     
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  6. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    I dont have any idea of leaving the child to him. That would be the worst sin that i can do to anyone in my life. I am not sure if he hates her but i am not able to believe he has any attachment to her. he lives just 5 mins away from our home and still can live without seeing her for last 5 months. Even when he was with us for the first 2 months after her birth, most of the day time he was in his friends home and the reason is he dont like my mom's presence and most of the nights he was sleeping in his friends home and he said he could not sleep properly as the new born used to cry often in the night and he feels disturbed. Though i gave him the option of sleeping downstairs in the living room as he may not hear anything, he still felt comfortable to sleep in his friends' home. Now, this generous and affectionate dad wants to get mutual divorce from me. Because i am not ready to reunite with him with his abusive nature, he wants me to give him mutual divorce without child custody and child support. May be, he thinks contributing DNA is the only duty of a father.
     
  7. NeerjaC

    NeerjaC Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Very sorry to hear what you have been through. It must be very tough for you to go through all this. It sounds like he used you to get a foothold into getting into the US. And from what I have read above, he is intending to marry yet again in order to gain citizenship? If I were you, I'd complain to the authorities and have him deported. He duped you into marrying him in order to get into the US, if he isn't working right now or he is on a H1 visa, this can still be revoked. As for mutual divorce, I'm sure you want to get rid of this man, but I agree with other posters here, hire a lawyer if you can and make it as difficult as you can for him. Also, I would document everything. Everything he has done to date and anything else he does from this point forward.
    Wishing you all the best, I hope you can sort this out and have a good life with your daughters.
     
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