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Mil Is Upset Coz Me And Dh Had A Good Time.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rupz, Aug 21, 2016.

  1. rupz

    rupz Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I think so to, she needs attention always. Even sometimes FIL ignores her drama of not keeping well specially when my husband is going to leave for tour at night.
    Then my husband spends whole day with her.
    It's like sometimes I am supposed to be blind to my emotions and feelings.

    Rupz.
     
  2. rupz

    rupz Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Baby thing I can understand. Child will be my first priority. For a baby we have to do the DEED rt, on regular basis. My MIL doesnt understand the meaning of privacy. If continuously 2-3 days the bedroom door is closed next day she will find a way to ask me did you guys do it.

    She has done it couple of times. Once I got angry and told her ask your son itself.

    But now we keep the door closed daily not only to do it but my H works in Night shift.

    Rupz.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP...if fil is around to give her company...then there is no issue.
    You both should have the life you want . Enjoy yourself .Just ignore her.
    As for keeping the bedroom door closed....it should always be so,even after kids come into the picture. After some time ,the bedroom needs to be closed to keep the kids away too...:rolleyes:
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    She is married to your FIL, and not to your H. So there is no talking about dragging her man away.
    Let her enjoy the privacy with her husband when you guys are out. You are very nice that you make dinner and eve snack before you go for an outing. What more she can expect from a DIL?

    If she is a widow, it is a different story. Her loneliness at this old age, and some insecurity can speak volumes. This is not a MIL issue, but an issue among elders who are alone.
    But her case is different. So, all you need is to ignore her completely.

    Your fun time with your husband will never come back until your kids become teens. That's a very long way from here. Even at that time, you will miss this youth times and the fun of being with cousins etc... So, enjoy your life as much as you can.

    Meantime, you are not gonna try for a kid in the evening till mid-night. It doesn't work that way. Do your best in the health corner. And do the regular stuff inside the bedroom. Leave the rest to the God. Having a relaxed mind and such a close bonding with hubby is indeed an important factor in TTC.

    Leave everything to convincing MIL, pacifying her after the visit, and approaching her long face and drama to DH. Be there as a silent spectator only. Unless she provokes you or asks any direct question, you better ignore her completely.

    Don't get upset with your DH's approach to his mom. Since he is born to her and knows her very much, let him handle her at his best. Don't get mad for his momma's darling approach. If that works, let it be.
    Because not every mothers accept their son's distancing after marriage gracefully. It is highly difficult to feel guilt (as they are good at make you feel guilt) every day. So, let him handle as per his way.

    All you need is to give him support, understanding and acceptance as a wife.

    This phase too shall pass. Enjoy!
     
    rupz, KashmirFlower and NeetaR like this.
  5. dc24

    dc24 Gold IL'ite

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    Perhaps your MIL fears for her son's and yours safety as these days news channels and newspapers are filled with news of road rages...late night crimes by hardened criminals etc..

    I must appreciate that you are a dutiful DIL..taking care of them nicely.
     
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  6. dc24

    dc24 Gold IL'ite

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    ..and as far as comments by your FIL about your upbringing etc is concerned ....please tell him humbly that it's your good values only that's making you serve them continuously despite all pinpointing etc....
    As far as having kids are concerned..there's no harm in planning a family now....as you've been married for quite sometime...See with each passing day we're getting older... Sometimes delay in child birth takes toll on our bodies...with kids come immense responsibilities. Nowyour in laws are still there to take care of the kids....but once they gradually become older or are no more...then it's really a big battle that a woman has to fight everyday...to choose between kids or career..or managing both avenues with great struggle..
    With proper management..it's possible to conceive with PCOS too.
     
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  7. rupz

    rupz Silver IL'ite

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    hi,

    i have read so much about pcos and conceiving. i know i have to get pregnant and all, i maintain details in app and pc of what happens when etc. still i m not conceiving. just today i before dinner i told my MIL that my menses may start in a couple of days , and i m hoping its over before festival. (due t some work tension my menses which were regular in 32 day cycle --was late by 45 days this time). and she started lecturing that i m only lazy i dont want a kid , i m just taking it for granted my life. i m a girl with problems and should get pregnant fast. "dont know what you both do in bed? " , "you are spoiling my sons aspirations of having a kid,its time you have a kid ". "you dont have what it takes to be a woman or a mother." "you are at fault my son is pious and god believing, you do not believe in god nor anything." shes then telling me that when you are in mood to have sex think of god, pray to god that you get pregnant." shes told me that i am not woman enough to have a sons precious sperms in me. i felt so insulted. all this whole my FIL didnt utter a word and my H doesnt know anything about this.

    i dont know how do i make her understand we both want to have kids we try whenever we get the chance but its not happening. i actually force my DH to do the deed,keeping in track with my calendar and body signs. half the time e comes form office at 11 and again sits to work, when do i get in mood and convince him to do. hes also human and tired by the time hes home. i feel so bad for him also at times. :-( i my self tell him if your too tired dint do its ok. and the next moment hes asleep. what more do i do. ??? i feel so lost at times. am i the only one to feel that its my fault i m diagnosed with pcos??

    for a minute i thought what if my MIL is right?? does god help or are there any mantras to be recited before doing the deed or to get pregnant or do some ritual that will help.
     
  8. rupz

    rupz Silver IL'ite

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    thanks !!
     
  9. whistle

    whistle Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Rupz,
    You jest want to showoff that you are having a good time, inspite of your mil. May god bless you.

    But do you hear the curses of all the other dils in this place?

    Nazar na lag jaye!!:treadmill:
     
  10. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    @rupz huge hugs to you.

    Your mil is being vile - from your other posts I gather that she uses you as a punching bag just because she can. Does your husband know this bullying is going on on a regular basis? I wish you'd both be able to move out and live your lives without being under such scrutiny.

    Darling, being a theist or an atheist has nothing to do with conception. There are prolific atheists and there are theists who faithfully pray for years for a child.

    It is your stress levels in this environment which would be detrimental yo your cause. Is it really impossible to move out?

    As for your mil, just roll your eyes and move from the place the second she starts her abuses regardless of what you were doing. Even if it means leaving a taka mid way or letting milk boil over or walking away with your plate of food. Hold your head high. Don't listen to her crap. I sincerely hope and pray you have a lovely child soon and are able to severely restrict you mil's access to yout angel. She doesn't deserve a minute with you future child.
     
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