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How To Handle Being Stared At In U.s.?

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by uk2016, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. uk2016

    uk2016 Senior IL'ite

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    @nuss

    Thanks for your response. I understand how you get the stares. The problem I posted here is mostly intense stares from total strangers. Working in a place and interacting would come later.

    The place I work, the very first day I stepped in, I was taken on a tour by the head of the department to all other departments. While some of them were nice and welcoming, most of them were not. I was being introduced to some staff at the library. The librarian is an American lady, she stood up and stared staring at me, even before I was walked to her place - this happened right in front of me. She did not utter a word, no smile, nothing when I talked to her. It was very odd. Then the other lady who sits across me did the same thing, the first day. I try and talk to her everyday, she won't say a word back. Even in a group, she will stare at me intensely if I am talking about anything. Others I work with are not that way, they are Americans too. I am used to this in the work place now, so it doesn't bother me a lot now.

    BTW, I don't wear Indian stuff a lot, because I don't want to attract unnecessary attention. I do wear them occasionally.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  2. uk2016

    uk2016 Senior IL'ite

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    @Akanksha1982

    Thanks for your response. The teacher who stares at me is the one who doesn't talk to me and 'just' stares at me. Every single time, I walk in to drop my kid she will just look at me with a blank stare. I asked my DH one day about this who was outside the door and he felt the same way about this lady. She talks and smiles at other parents, except me.
    The teachers who usually talk to me are good, they maintain eye contact and I do too.

    Yes, may be I am getting overly conscious. Its been in my mind for a while now.
     
  3. uk2016

    uk2016 Senior IL'ite

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    @GoogleGlass @Viswamitra

    Thank you for your responses and thinking on these lines. Are you both therapists? May be researchers or scientists working in that area of study that concerns psychological disorders? Or professors in that area of work? Victimising the victim is a common phenomenon among Indians, isn't it?

    I would be glad to take consultation and therapy sessions from either of you if that's the case. :)

    If I craved attention, I would enjoy the stares in the first place. Why would I try to dress in a way so I don't look like the odd one in the crowd?

    And how do I find out that they are constantly staring at me? Won't you feel it when someone is staring? You may not sense it when someone looks and walks away. Sometimes, one person in a group points and talks, the entire group starts looking at me. When I was at an open-eat restaurant, a group seated next to me did the same. Not only that they started discussing about how Indians are. Someone said ' I have a thing against things that don't belong here'. It is possible that they assumed Indians don't speak or understand English, but seriously where are their manners?!! If I the same was happening in India, I would have been more believable. Wouldn't I?

    I don't maintain constant eye contact. But once I become aware of the stares, I check once in a while, which I need to avoid/ignore. And I check because I feel unsafe. May be I have an extra-sensory perception, I have no clue.

    Yes, I am making enough sacrifices already, will be willing to make some more. The reason I posted this thread here is because I am not comfortable discussing this in person with anyone near me. Since the moment I started getting responses, I feel better about handling the stares and I am doing it.
     
  4. uk2016

    uk2016 Senior IL'ite

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    @jskls

    What a wonderful response! Thats some positive thinking. It means a lot to me!
     
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  5. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    If you are working in a university- university politics are common. Everyone is stepping one each other. I only know this because I am still in touch with some of my professors on FB ( I see their rants/ struggles). It's a highly competitive environment with less pay. I have seen my professors struggle and compete for a spacious with window office space.
    As you are in this highly political environment--You might be seen as a threat. University jobs are considered to be open for average Americans.

    So their staring may have nothing to do with you or your dressing-- maybe:hmmm::hmmm: :thinking:
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
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  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @uk2016,

    I can't speak for GG but the purpose of my response was not to victimize you and in fact, I feel for what you are going through. No, I am not a therapist or professor researching in the field. I was only suggesting to look at it from your end as well.

    This is the first time I am hearing someone stating that she is being stared at in the US by the westerners. The Americans know a lot more about the Indians now than what you gave them credit for in your response. If you were living in 1970s here in the US, probably, your thought would make sense. Certainly, they don't think that Indians don't speak English. It must be a difficult experience for you and I do hope you feel better soon.

    Viswa
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
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  7. whistle

    whistle Silver IL'ite

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    By God, I say you stare them back. Stare two times, four times, eight times. Lets see what they do.



    Tension nahi lene ka!!
     
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  8. uk2016

    uk2016 Senior IL'ite

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  9. uk2016

    uk2016 Senior IL'ite

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    @Viswamitra
    I did not mean to point you out, but that is quite a common / natural thing in India. Looking at all the responses, I am beginning to think that it's just me, may be being self conscious / cautious a lot. The not speaking English thing - I can remember couple of incidents. One with my kid's paediatrician, she couldn't believe that we can speak English so well, she was checking with us again and again if we speak English back in India too. Another was with a uber driver, he couldn't get over the fact that I was speaking English fluently. He asked me how and where I learned it, if I had to take English speaking classes before coming to US. I explained him our education system and how English plays an important role in India. It is not all but there are few who 'presume' we don't speak/understand English.
     
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  10. uk2016

    uk2016 Senior IL'ite

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    @jerk

    Couldn't help but smile at your response. I don't have that kind of guts!
     

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