Need Help In Making Decision - Neighbourhood

cindrilla · Aug 29, 2016

Hello All

This is my second post in Indus ladies. When ever , i post my problem in Indus ladies, I feel that I am talking to my mom/sister. Kudos to Indus ladies team/members.

I was been staying in community with full of Indians for past 5 years.For the first 2 years, I was busy with my Job and with long commute.I did not get much chance to interact with the community neighbors. In my 3rd year , I had some eye problem issues and Doctors had to make surgery to one of my eye.That is the time, where I took help from my neighbors. I was not able to cook for 1 week and my neighbors helped me in getting the food and taking care of my daughter. I was also into severe depression and they helped me in getting out of it. By gods grace, I was out of it and Got pregnenet in the 4th year. Again, my neighbors helped me a lot as I had severe nausea and depression and It was a high risk pregnency. They used to get me food and visit me frequently as my sisters. I delivered baby and again I got help from all my friends in the community for the first 2 -3 weeks.After deliverey, I got option of working from home and I used to interact with my neighbors regularly and
we all used to go for gym and temples . I was really really enjoying my life. My elder daughter also had lots of friends and she was happy in that neighbour hood.

In the mean time, we planned to buy another house in another city. My intension was to have the second house as investment property and I will continue in this
same neighbour hood. But due to some bank rules , we had to move to another house . I really felt bad and depressed in moving to my another house as I am leaving all
my good friends.

Now, Its been a week i am into this new community. I can not find any friends here. Here people are very busy in their own lifes. They all go to work and come in the late evenings. I can not find single person to talk or to share my feelings.As I work remotely, I feel to talk to some one other than my husband. I feel relax when I talk to my friends. My brain feels fresh when I talk to some one. But in my old community, Most of them were house wifes and we spent lot of time in gossiping and going to gym, puja's etc. But in this new community, I am planning to make friends but I cant even see anyone outside. Also, the gym is very far here. I cant even spend time in gym.

According to bank rules, I have to stay in this new house for 1 year after that I can move to my old house. So, Will it look good if I move to my old community again after
2 years ?

I told to my old community friends that I might come back again after 1 year to the old house. But everyone was silent. They did not speak anything.

Please adivise me - Will it look good to go back to old community again as I always have remote option in my Job and my kid will be happy ?
How will the people think if we go back again? Will it look nice? PLease suggest me.

Here in this new community people are so mechanical . They dont enjoy their life. Thely always go to work and come by evening 8:00. But in my old community, we go to gym, walkings, pujas, do yogas.

I really enjoyed my life over there. But not sure If i go back, I will have the same affection and love ? Please suggest me.

kcb · Aug 29, 2016

Dear OP,

You said you were busy with work for 2 years at your old place, so only after 2 years when you found free time then you made friends there. So it may be the same situation with these current neighbours, they are busy with their daily schedules.

Now you are concerned that your old neighbours are quite and are they going to be the same when you go back there - you mentioned your previous neighbours helped you so many times, so what was your contribution? have you ever helped them when they were in need?

Friendship or any relation needs reciprocation, it should be from both the parties.

cindrilla · Aug 29, 2016

kcb said: ↑

Dear OP,

You said you were busy with work for 2 years at your old place, so only after 2 years when you found free time then you made friends there. So it may be the same situation with these current neighbours, they are busy with their daily schedules.

Now you are concerned that your old neighbours are quite and are they going to be the same when you go back there - you mentioned your previous neighbours helped you so many times, so what was your contribution? have you ever helped them when they were in need?

Friendship or any relation needs reciprocation, it should be from both the parties.
Click to expand...

cindrilla · Aug 29, 2016

Yes, I was always there to help them. I also used to give them some courage when they are in depression or having fight with their husbands. I used to give good suggestions to them.

JGVR · Aug 30, 2016

You have moved to a new neighbourhood.It will take some time to find friends.Go for a walk everyday,go visit the local library or temple and you might get a chance to interact and make friends.Your kid's school or bus stop is a good place to meet other parents.

As for your friends from previous community,invite them over for dinner or pujas.Plan picnics along with them and keep calling them once in a few days so that they get the feeling that you want to continue their friendship and not used them in time of need.

sindmani · Sep 11, 2016

Op, yes u helped them with ur advices. Good. But their help was great. Continue ur friendship with them. U can have get togethers. Call them for lunch. Be in contact with them to show ur gratitude.

KashmirFlower · Sep 18, 2016

As you work from home, wrap work early, once in a week go for half day , along with kid , after her school, and be there in the group, just do what you used to do with them , yoga, temple or just sit home whatever they want to do just be part of it,
and call all of them to your new place , on weekends, and let kids play and u all do your usual stuff like yoga or visit nearby coffees shop or some snacks place or ice cream place.

There is nothing wrong if you want to go back, if your kid school is goo in old city and your h is ok for commuting , nobody will feel bad for that, they will appreciate that you valued their friendship,
if anything you feel bad in your regular meetings, then you can change your decision.
But keep meeting them regularly, if you want them in your life, if you don't meet you will loose touch , and when u move back to ur old home, u may feel not so part of them .

You rarely get people whom you can feel that way as your close friends or sisters. So don't loose them even if you continue to live in new place

Sachini · Sep 19, 2016

Dear Cindrilla,
I can empathize with you as I too have under gone similar experience and have shifted very recently. One thing we have to think of is that we have been changing places through out our life, be it small or big, say from school to college where we have missed our old friends and adjusted with new atmosphere. Nowadays with technological advancements you can still be with in touch with your old friends. If only their silence is a matter , there might be some misunderstanding which can be cleared through your frequent online or over the phone chats with them and making it clear that only due to lack of option you moved and still miss them. Regarding the new place, go out to parks in the neighbhourhood with your kid in the evenings, where both of you can find friends. Kids are actually a key to get new friends. I got many through my kid's school and parks only. Good luck