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Need Suggestions - Should I Wait For Him?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sneha1985, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    Even though I am modern in my lifestyle, my thoughts are old fashioned. I don't like hanging around a lot with guys during our initial meets. Maybe that's the reason I am still unmarried. :) I like guys to make initial phone calls, come visit during the initial meeting (am fine meeting somewhere in middle later if we like and want to meet again) and always believe in consulting my parents before making decisions.

    A guy asked me to go to movie with him during our very first meet. Another wanted to come visit me at my apartment. I had to clearly say no to these guys. People here reside in different states, talk/chat for months and when it comes to meet in person they step back. Couple of guys asked me flight tickets, some asked me for accommodation and one guy drove 2 hours to meet me. We met next day morning and he made me pay for our breakfast, lunch and parking. I had just graduated from school and wasn't even earning that point. And later he rejected me.
     
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  2. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yeah - another don't is never make plans for 2nd meeting if the guy can't pay for your first meal or drink together or is looking to you to pay for parking or event tickets. It's one thing for the woman to offer to pay but another if the man expects it. Even if he has stellar credentials he is unlikely to be a good provider. That's one thing my dad made perfectly clear to me.

     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2016
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  3. anehstar

    anehstar Silver IL'ite

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    Sneha, Few points which I think could be possible.
    1. There could be different reasons why he is not too inclined to talk on the phone as much as he is interested in meeting you in person. I feel most of the guys generally talk less on the call. Some guys prefer meeting than really spending hours over the phone before committing. So it is ok if he is not really talking too much. Atleast he is interested in travelling to your place and meeting you.
    2. His parents are here, so his idea might be to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. One way, he can make his parents see some tourist attraction in ur place. Along with that, he might be also interested in making his parents meet you. So that they will have an opinion and again a meeting specifically with parents is not needed (in case if you both like each other, again he has to bring his parents to meet you, so may be he is avoiding that second circle.)
    3. Now since you are not too interested in meeting him along with his parents, I would suggest you to tell him clearly stating a genuine reason. You can say that in your side, parents of both parties should meet together. Nt like only one's parents are present. Or the other thing is first only the guy and the girl should meet and see if they are ok to take it to next level.
    4. Video chat, yes thats awkward, but i guess its also a good way. It makes a lot of difference to talk on phone and on video chat.You can see body language, his way of speaking, his expressions.

    So what you can do is check with him clearly what is his plan? Visiting with parents, or alone. In either case, you tell what you are comfortable with. Your comfort should be your first priority than thinking how other person would feel if you tell him your concern.
    Also, Am not sure if your parents have spoken to his. In case not, why don''t you ask your parents to give his parents a call and tell that you two have decided to meet. Even if they are aware, let parents-parents have a word. That''s important.
    All the best to you. :)
     
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  4. liya1984

    liya1984 Bronze IL'ite

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    @madras2018 - wish i had someone who would have advised this to me earlier:worship2::worship2:
     
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  5. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Visiting parents is actually good idea.Since parents play greater role in deciding alliance in India.It shows how sincere he is about alliance.
    Also from parents you can get idea about their culture at home.If they are ultra orthodox or modern.If they want their son to settle in USA or not.How flexible they are regarding DIL.Some parents may be orthodox but they let their DIL do whatever they want if they are living apart.Some want have ix set of expectations like she should follow old traditions,daily worshiping god,keep fast,wear certain types of clothes,cook traditional meals on religious days.You get idea of these things only after meeting them.Be bold and ask them about all these things.

    I have observed men says things,basically lies to get the girl say yes if they like her really.They think once they are married they can have their own ways since she wont have any option after that.So asking bold questions when parents are in room is actually good idea.
     
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  6. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks! I will ask him to call me before he finalizes his accommodation to come meet me.
     
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  7. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    That's true I guess. But our community works a little different. While I may be ready to meet his parents, my parents aren't. Also I should know if I am interested to move further with guy at first place since I haven't got a chance to know the guy at all. My concern is that if his parents comes along, I may not get a chance to ask more questions to the guy.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op you and your parents live in different countries.It may not be very easy to have parents and you meet prospective guy and his parents when ever a prospective 'rishta' comes up.

    Looks like this is a good time to meet him and his family.
    Let him know that you will need to consult your family and both families would probably need to meet before a final yes can happen.

    Go meet him and his family....try to keep it informal.Meet up at a place for lunch/dinner.....or if there is some sight seeing places/museum etc where you all can visit and be back in a few hrs.Tell them it was a pleasure meeting them.Tell the guy you both should talk often to get to know each other. Talk about everything,clear your doubts.

    If things work out fine.....other wise it was just a day out with a guy and uncle aunty. Think of this as a fun outing and keep your mind open.Sometimes when both parents also meet..things can become a bit heavy and formal.
    You will probably get to know them better in an informal meeting.
     
  9. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    I got a call from him last night. He had told me he will call a day or 2 before we were going to meet since he is super busy for 2 weeks. We did talk random stuff for a while and then I asked him if he is visiting alone or with parents and he said the same thing that he wants to meet me and see if we are good for each other and then include the parents. Yesterday he didn't say anything about him being busy until we meet or anything about when he would call again. So I guess I will only be able to understand his mind once we meet and interact more.
     
  10. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    The guy never called again to confirm on the meet or didn't show up. I think time to move on. I had little hopes left, but I guess not worth it. Why wouldn't people just tell no or atleast inform somehow if they are not interested anymore or if they cannot meet.

    Not sure why I keep on coming across such people. Another guy I talked to over the phone, we talked for couple of weeks already and still he was not ready to meet. He said he wants to talk and understand more about me and then he asked me a question of how involved my parents are in my decisions. He mentioned that he is smart enough to take his decisions now and he doesn't want his wife to tell everything or discuss any decision taking matters to her parents.
     

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