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Runaway Trains Selfies

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Runaway Trains Selfies


    Let me try and bring a smile to my riends faces, no more sermonizing , time for a few laughs.


    Runaway Trains –

    Chains being used to check 'runaway trains' - Times of India


    This is the first of its kind ever. Trains run away from Jaisalmer Railway station, even without an engine, and there have been a few cases even without the engines, the stationary trains have run away,13 coaches with passengers, for 20 kms crossing half a dozen crossings, u can imagine the shock of the sitting passengers.


    So they railway guys have started to chain the wheels of the railway wagons, and even using stones and other things to keep the wagons chained. Who knows the coaches learn from the runaway couples, who usually run away in railways.Wall have ears, I suppose railway wagons have ears too !!!!



    Selfie Menance


    Everywhere I go people want to take out selfies. Even in temples where it was banned, now people take out selfies with the lord, who should now start charging money for each selfie taken eh ! He will become rich, rather more rich than he is now !

    Accidents are happening. The other day, a couple went to a hill station, and there is a rock point, some rocks on the edge of a mountain. Both the husband and wife sat, and took out a selfie. Well the rock of the wife got loose, and she fell down and died.

    Well a sad incident, but gave me an idea. A good way of getting rid of yr spouse eh ! First hire some fellows to make a rock loose up the mountain, and make a mark on it, say a red mark which is visible but only u know the significance of it. Take out a few selfies on the safe other rock, then tell spouse to sit on the loose rock, and give it a small push with ur toe, and down does he or she. And if the police questions u, well show them the selfie which u took on the safe rock, shed a few crocodile tears, and they will believe u. Inherit the money, and go marry a brand new spouse.Good idea for a serial. Serial guys, how about a few thousand bucks for me for this idea.Bahut chalega re.



    Today is Janmashtami, and there is music all around , the holy songs based on Bollywood tunes.So may playing , that in the morning my ears got red, now the wax has melted and started to come out from the ears. Thank God, the doc takes 200 for doing that.


    Mom was pregnant with me, and she wanted me to be born on Janmashtmi day, she tried a lot, poor thing, but well I was stubborn, and refused to come out, and out I came the next day.Mom regrets that to this day. Well if I was born on Janmashtimi, would I have been blogging here ? No way, u friends would have put me in some temple, and come to me with all your troubles. Yech !


    And I would have had a ball with some hundreds of Gopis, if not Thousands, and been on butter and cheese, instead of nonveg and liquor. Since the missed date, I am married to one Gopi for so many decades.


    I swear I did not steal butter today on Janmashtimi, I bought with my hard earned money, after paying Vat, GST , income tax, and etc etc.


    HAHA


    KAMAL MAHTANI


    AP CM Chandrababu Naidu welcomed PV Sindhu by playing badminton with her.


    On knowing this Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal cancelled the program of welcoming Sakhshi Malik.


    A Russian went for an eye check up.


    The doctor showed the letters on the board.


    CZWXNQSTAZKY


    Doctor : can you read this ?


    Russian : Read??? I even know the guy......he's my cousin.



    Subject: BREAKFAST IS THE INDICATER OF YOUR WIFE's MOOD:


    If the Breakfast is UPMA, think what you have shouted at her yesterday evening.


    If the Breakfast is Masala Dosa, a clear indicator that your wife needs something this evening.


    If nothing is done for Breakfast, and your wife is sick in the morning itself, indicates that your parents are coming home.


    If something special i.e two/three items are made for breakfast, indicates that your in-law’s or her friends are coming home.


    If sweet is made with Breakfast, indicates that there is plan for movie of her choice.


    If she is shouting on children, indicator that your friend had phoned up for drinks...


    If lot of eatables are under preparation, clear indicator that she is proceeding to her mother’s house.


    A highly successful Manager was going home in his car when

    he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by

    the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to

    investigate.

    He asked one man

    "Why are you eating grass?"

    "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

    "We have to eat grass."

    "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed

    you" the manager said.

    "But sir, I have a wife and 2 children with me. They are over

    there, under that tree".

    "Bring them along," the manager replied.

    Turning to the other

    poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

    The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also

    have a wife and 3 children with me!"

    "Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.

    They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a

    car as large as it was.

    One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir,

    you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."


    The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place;

    the grass is almost 1 meter high!"



    _*Lesson Never trust Managers ... They will go to any

    extreme to finish their job._


    And there is none like a KIND MANAGER


    _Dedicated to all successful managers and upcoming

    managers....._
     
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  2. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    welcome Kamalji. So first time in the world trains move on their own - energy saved. Why don't they make a business out of it? Convert the station to a tourist spot and taken them on a ride.

    On Janmashtami day you became Kamsa by giving ideas to selfie-kill spouses :):):)
     
    yellowmango, jskls and satchitananda like this.
  3. curiousgals78

    curiousgals78 Gold IL'ite

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    nice one Kamalji.
    funny ones with the breakfast and selfie kill spouses.
    certainly a thing to be aware of. if ever your spouse turns extra romantic and takes to the top of cliff before sititing on any rock look for the special markers. :lol:
     
    satchitananda likes this.
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, certainly time for me to call Harsha and talk to her about the lessons your online 'coaching' activities. She'll think twice before going on a holiday with you again!!!!!

    Enjoyed the jokes especially the one about the manager! :-D
     
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  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Kamalji,
    thoroughly enjoyed the jokes - especially the 'wife's mood' and Manager - too good!
     
  6. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,
    Did Harshaji read this snippet????
    Tomorrow is your birthday....what kind of breakfast you would be served try to imagine.
    Anyway..advanced birthday greetings and wish you good health, more blogs, more jokes.
    Jokes are hilarious!
    Syamala
     
  7. curiousgals78

    curiousgals78 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,
    Wish you an advanced Happy Birthday.thank you for always trying to bring smile to our faces with snippets, jokes and nice reading the wonderful business ideas.Have a wonderful day
     
  8. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Happy Birthday Kamalji. Well you do have some traces of the flamboyant Krishna in you due to the proximity with his birthday - :smile:

    Runaway trains - that is scary. Not sure why they don't have a good brakes that can stop the train from moving. Maybe brakes in each coach. Or maybe change the slope of the trains. With the rate of implementing new tracks that Modi is advertising this should be a day's job.

    Selfie to get rid of spouse - Hope my husband doesn't get this idea....hehe... Will have to be careful next time. Maybe push the rock first and then take the selfie....hehe... We are not into Selfies anyway.

    your jokes are rocking....LOL!! Keep them coming......:thumbup::thumbup:
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Hey didn't know selfie is a great way to get rid of unwanted wives or even GFs who are pestering you. And these religious affairs why the hell can't they celebrate quietly without creating a big racket./ Luckily in Delhi they create a racket only during occasional Bhagwati Jagrans. But decibel levels go up to insane levels during Ganeshotsav in MUmbai. Looks like Jaipur is joining the decibel derby too with the Janmashtami jamboree.
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear GG
    Yes if trains move this way, they will save energy, also lessen population by running over many. ideas i have so many, GG.HAHA
    Regards
    kamal
     
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