Painful Inlaws Visit In Us

@cindrilla,
what more do you require? Give respect to your husbands words above, and continue to do the best you can for your in laws while they are there. Although it may be difficult, as it is said in these columns often simply ignore your inlaws talks. You need not show any aggressiveness but just do what you can comfortably without going out of the way. People who want to grumble will always search for reasons for it. I think even senior women like me have learnt it the hard way that you can never change a person's normal upbringing or mentality. They are how they are and we have to find ways to manage without loosing our self respect. Two months will pass off well - just avoid showing any open aggressiveness for your husband's sake. All the best

 

Your inlaws are mean bullies. They bully you and you are not standing up to them. They see that when they bully you you try more to please them. They are clearly getting perverted pleasure out of this. You need to put a stop to this.

Next time they complain, firmly say this is what you can do - if they don't like it, they can feel free to cook. When they make unhygenic/ unhealthy good, tell them clearly that it is unhealthy - I once told my MIL, "Stop killing my husband! " very sternly. She complained and ranted hut it stood firm.

Give hem tasks to do. "Please dry the clothes." "Please wash vessels" "please make rotis"

You have kids amd a job to take care of that that shul come first. Combat everything with attitude. Don't let them get away with treating you badly in front of your 8 year old.

If the pick the wedding story again, which they are doing to deliberately hurt you, say confidently, "how many times are you going to repeat the same old nonsense? Your son today is so glad for your guidance -he doesn't think anyone else could have been a better wife."

Stand up for yourself politely but firmly. Delegate tasks. Reward their good behaviour and let them have consequences for bad behaviour. If they behave badly, don't try to please them. Ignore them. If they want to talk about your cosis, praise her with them and say you have different priorities though.

Deal with them like you would deal with a naughty child - their mental age seems to be 15. It will fall in place.

 

This too shall pass. Ignore their unwanted stories. Do ur best . u have ur dh support. .make him say that since u r working and u r taking care of children n home , it is tough to manage. So they can eat outside for a day or two in a week

 

Op....your husband has told you to get food from outside every alternate days so why do you worry about the ready made rotis? You have 2 small kids ,you work and manage home.If they can't adjust and compromise a bit,well....what can you do.
If they want to go over rotis......their loss.

If they praise co sister.....just smile and yes ,yes...she is indeed good.
If they talk about pre marriage stuff...just ignore or say something like this innocently ...really??? seems like I have really won his heart by my love and care.

 

So pleased to hear, with your love and care you have won your H heart and soul, what more you need. Your IL behaviors may be irritating but maintain your cool, give some firm and polite replies like you cook with less oil to take care of health of their son, to keep his high cholesterol under control. Your husband may choose to keep quite at this moment, he knows his parent better and when to react, but rest assured he will be noticing everything and return to his parent appropriately.

 

If they feel like going back to India, let them go back. Please pass your 2 months somehow and don't invite them back ever again. And don't even bother cooking for them. That's typical IL rant.

 

Dear Op,

I feel like you are facing almost similar situation like me, I took suggestions from IL group and concluded.

1. Have respect for ur elders (specially as they are ur Dh parents) and try to do ur best to help them during their stay.

2. If they don't like ur prepared food items, let them prepare by themselves (don't try to over please them by introducing oily and fried food and effecting ur, ur kids and ur Dh health)

3. If they comment on ur prepared food, ask them to teach u (but never learn it)

4. About ur wedding story its better just ignore it or even u can keep on telling stories or read news papers articles about how the other DIL who torture their in laws or husband and their families (irrespective of not giving any dowry), also tell them how much they are lucky to have u. I guess ur in laws remarks will stop or reduce after this.

Last but not the least if ur in laws feel like going back to India, please don't stop them.

But be available to them during their bad times for sake of humanity & respect.