1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Is Marriage And Kid Only My Responsibility

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Hopefulheart, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. Hopefulheart

    Hopefulheart New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi i am new here, i want to know that since marriage and kid i was encouraged not only to work but totally bear my expenses. After kid too either i am expected to also work or i am not offered any kind of financial help on his own. Today i asked for help and an assurance of some help/ amount was given. Am i not assertive enough. Am i fool from all these years, did anyone else face this problem and what is the way to go next. I have quit my job and managing at my parents place since babys birth now around 10 months.
     
    Loading...

  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    It is the job of both parents to provide for the child. It's not clear whether you and your husband are together. If you are, yo need to talk to him about this. If you and your husband have had a chat about how you are going to work out the finances, do it now.

    You sound angry about the past but there is no point stewing over whatever happened. with a child now it is important for you to quickly make sensible plans for the future.

    You can learn to be assertive. There are computer based courses, books etc which will help you out there. Learning that now will help you he a better parent too.
     
    vaidehi71 likes this.
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,952
    Likes Received:
    11,414
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    I second @guesshoo
    It is both of the parents' responsibility to provide for the kids, both physically, financially and emotionally.
    There is no rule that only dads need to provide financially and moms are responsible for the other chores around the house. Perhaps, that's how we grew up in a traditional household. But that is not right.

    Each family's dynamics are different. If you think that your H is not providing enough for the family (it is not just feeding, but also giving you pocket money and other luxuries), pick your hand-bag and go for a work. You earn, and contribute for the family.
    Since you earn and contribute, you can very much expect your H to step in to the household chores on a shared basis.
    Because both of you will have only limited hours for the chores after your professional work. So sharing the chores are inevitable.
    You may also contribute together with your H to keep a maid for the chores.

    If you are working, then you will have to find a good alternate care system for your kid - who is gonna miss you.
    Establish a proper system in place, while trying for work. You may chose to learn a new course or update your profile in a roster which provides job.
    So, once you are ready to go for work, you will have a proper system established at home for the chores and child care at your absence.
     
  4. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,628
    Likes Received:
    1,408
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    op are you separated? why husband wont give you money?
     
  5. Hopefulheart

    Hopefulheart New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Not separated, its been his practice since ealy days of marriage but then i was earning it didnt bother
     
  6. Hopefulheart

    Hopefulheart New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for your advice you are much right i am angry, he is aggressive and it will be hard to be asertive but its worth trying.
     
  7. monkatpeace87

    monkatpeace87 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    68
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    expecting monetary benefits from your husband after getting married is unfair. if your husband has no problem with you working than u should start working.

    being said that , if your husband is not providing for the kid than thats a totally wrong in many levels.

    it would be better if you could explain your situation more clearly so we can give you some sane advice. would like to know why are you living at your parents place 10 months after your delivery ?? is your husband abusive ??? please provide the details.
     
  8. Hopefulheart

    Hopefulheart New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I would not call him abusive. The difficult part to explain is how through subtle ways he ensured i remain an my moms place only after baby. It is unlikely for me to work, as i have already tried. Its a no to daycare and nobody is wiling to take care of kid while i am at work. You are correct but finances are needed for bringing up a kid, i needed that help. I cant be at work and with kid at the same time
     
  9. monkatpeace87

    monkatpeace87 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    68
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    the best thing i see here is talk to him directly face to face or go for marriage counselling.

    you need to ask him why are you guys not cohabitating? is he interested in this marriage to work or he is dangling you ?
    first you need to get the facts right - that your is abusive ( abuse doesn't mean physical , it also means mental and financial ). if he is denying you your right to cohabitate with him, he is abusing you mentally and if he is not providing for you kid than he is abusing you financially.

    if the marriage counselling or face to face doesnt work , involve the elders in your family. tell them everything in detail.

    coming to the work issue , if you are staying at your moms place , can your mother take care of your kid ??? if you are living in india , than you can hire a domestic help since they come cheap . and why are you against day care ??? any specific reasons you have ??

    lastly if nothing works you have legal recourse.
     
  10. Hopefulheart

    Hopefulheart New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    You are right, i would have to do that. But he has given me some time to come on his terms when the kid is around a year old. He does as he likes and everything on his terms. There is nothing much i can do about when one listenes to not even elders. Fighting, telling politely, nothing works, just do as he wants likes. If i tell him or question him many times as none of the time i get a proper answer or even an answer he lables me as someone who has to fight......no way out
     

Share This Page