Intercaste Marriage Help

Your father sexually abused you five years ago? Seriously, what are you waiting for? Find a women's cell and register a complaint. I'm not saying run away with your boyfriend - you need a clear head before you choose a partner. but right now your parents are treating you abominably. You need external help. Do not be hesitant to take it. Take your certificates to work. Leave it there..You don't need anyone's permission to leave your house and move out. Just do your research about women's protection cells and leave with your essentials. Don't tall about it and make them watch you more. Be quiet and leave.

 

You must realise that you are not responsible for their decisions. Your parents will cope. You need not put the full burden on yor shoulders when they are treating you this shabbily. You are being abused here with no end in sight. You must not allow this to go on. Leaving is the only option you have.

Not eating, harming themselves etc. Reflect only on how they are emotionally controlling you instead of behaving like rational human beings.

 

OP,

I have not read the the replies of the other IL ites who would have given valuable input to your issues. I just read some things which really made me reply here. I just read @guesshoo response and had to read your posts. I agree with her reply.

The reason had been that you had wrote that you had been abused by your father and you let him go away with it.

I can understand that at the time of the incidence you might have been not in a position to raise your voice and probably more distressed to think anything and had kept quiet. You had endured it, and does you mother know it or was she unaware of it. If not just tell her as well. If inspite you telling her and she wishes to support your dad, I will definitely suggest that you walk away from that house. No matter what, an abuse had occurred at the hands of a parent, who was supposed to have been the protector to you. If such is the sad state of affairs, I regret that you had to endure such things there. Please leave to a women's shelter and voice your complaints through the voluntary women health organisations. No one is out of bounds of the law, and be it either our own parents, in laws, husband etc, they all have certain things to adhere to.

Have you ever read about the brave girl Bhargavi, who even before she started her college and was not financially dependent put her own parents in jail, when she was more grown up and she too had a lover. If you are not aware read about her.

Three arrested, police link triple murder with illicit intimacy

Regarding the caste issues, I would want you to be bold enough to take the decision. Why do you have to need the support of your parents to marry your boyfriend, especially after hearing the abusive nature of your dad, none would need it at all. You first move out and you can even lodge a complaint with the local police along with your boyfriend if there is still fear. You are working and please be bold enough in this situation. If your boyfriend's parents expect your parents' to accept as well, explain to them. Hopefully your bf can tackle his side and they would definitely agree if they found that their son is going to be by your side no matter what.

BTW I know so many friends who were brahmins and married non brahmins and they lead a fantastic married life.

Please think over and discuss with your bf and decide.
Wish you good luck.

 

I saw you would like more responses on your other thread.

You need to prioritise your problems, @pkk1 and deal with them one by one.

You need to let go of the notion that everything can be solved with everyone being happy at all times. It won't happen. Take care of yourself and thee rest will fall in place.

As I see it, your priority should be your job. That is your ticket to independence. Ensure your documents are safe and you are able to go to work.

Next you need to move away from your family - they are abusing your physically, emotionally and sexually. Stop talking or discussing your plans with them. Stop giving them an opportunity to stop you by encouraging drama. Yes. They care about you but in a convoluted way. UNess you take your time to move away, you can't sort yourself out. Find a place to stay, take your certificates, essentials and leave. If you have trouble on that front, talk to women's charities in your area who could help you massively.

You need therapy to heal. Get some counselling so that you can get past your trauma. It is essential that you do this before going any further in your relationship with your boyfriend. He might be the right one for you. Or just easily he might not be the right one for you. You can't figure that out unless you have a clear head.

 

Look! Your parents are blackmailing you saying they will hurt themselves. Such people rarely do it. I case they are so ridiculous that they do hurt themselves, yoi cant take the blame - they are choosing to do it out of spite.

Here are the choices you have
1. Worry about them, stay and let your life be controled and ruined.
2. Leave and take care of yourself, forge a life for yourself. You could be happy and have a reconciliation with your parents in a few years.

About why your parents are not being fair to you, well, that's what's touted in the name of culture and tradition. You can't change them. The choices you have are to boldly break free lead your life or... I'm not sure how much time you have to ruminate instead of taking action.

 

Dear that is the way our society is and you cannot change it and I dont see the change coming in near future. At present you have only two options as @guesshoo has rightly written . Stay at home and suffer or leave home and Live your life. We are not here telling you to marry your love without parents consent. Just leave home for now and live separately. Your parents will come around soon once they realize your stubbornness on the issue. And with regards to your parents black mailing you. Trust me , they will not harm themselves. It is just their way to get things done their way. After getting out of the house you can be relaxed and think what you really want to do with your life and take decisions later. As of now try getting out of this mess soon and concentrate on building your career.