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My Best-friend Is Accused Of Having Ema

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by blindpup10, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for the advice- I have to say. I am so shocked about this thing. I am unable to talk about this with my DH. As my DH knows my friend too. I don't want to muddy her name.
    Me being in a kinda sorta good marriage- I feel I complain a lot about my MIL/ SIL/DH. God knows what my friend is going through.

    I will just ignore friend A. And maybe in a while after I have digested this whole tattle tale. I will decide what to do. This whole thing is still a shock!

    I am in half mind to warn my friend. I seriously feel this guy is out there to get her. or why would he come and tell this sob story.. after so many years? My friend even has a child.

    The only connection between A and me is the common friend C, Of course, I would bring her up in the conversation. Apart from that I and A never saw eye to eye and I mostly kept my distance with him.

    @chocolate - I feel you are exactly right. A feels rejected and unable to handle it. C and I have spoken about A's yet to be the wife, how much that girl would have to go through. That is the only reason why I am so shocked that C would even have an EMA. I can I understand a relationship but not EMA.

    @SGBV-Yes, you are right. I haven't been in touch with both of them. With C I felt at home. I could share things,almost same wavelength- no judgment or explanation sorta friendship. I am seriously considering to take your advice. I want to warn her about A and assure her that I am on her side. What if A just wants to create bad things C and no one actually told her about A's intention?

    @kcb- I will ignore A no doubt. A guy who talks bad about a married woman is not a good character to be even called a friend.
    @KashmirFlower- yes B is me :tearsofjoy:. A and C got connected through me. You are right C made a good choice of not marrying A.
    @vaidehi71- I don't know much about A. In couple of instances I didn't like his tone and language that he had used when we hung out. I kinda kept him at a distance. Currently, it looks like he is back in India for good, he is running his own company and no plans of marriage or serious gf.. his take is all girls are like C. Using men to their advantage.
    @SunPa- Yes I agree that A must be feeling let down and might be saying EMA BS with spite.

    70% is the shock of knowing this sorta thing and 20% is the doubt- maybe true may not be true feeling that A instilled in me. 10% is WHY will C even consider a guy like A is the more puzzling part. I thought I knew C.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2016
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  2. somsar2014

    somsar2014 Silver IL'ite

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    Why do you think , you have a role here ?
    Why do you think, you have something to do in this matter? A and C are living there own lives, and in between you want to snick in and do something that may relive a thing that you hate? If you are so shocked, A saying those all bad words about your friend C, you should have protested right there. Your argument that ......(coz I was still reeling from the shock of him calling names) is absolutely unconvincing. What A and C will do to each other is their own business . Neither of them has approached you for help. If you proceed to go on doing something. it will be like doing immense damage to either of them or both.

    As you said you hated EMA and as you are aware of C's history and tastes, it will be much better for you to keep silence on this issue and lead your own life. A is wrong and so also C and we are no self appointed moral police to save others .

    My modest suggestion ............ Please do not interfere in other's matter . Help , only when requested and help the right cause. Your doubts are not enough foundation.
     
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  3. minn1

    minn1 Silver IL'ite

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    No just ignoring A and not raising up with C is not possible becoz we all r humans cant behave too politically correct.no need to tell hubby or anybody else just inform C .i beleive she will not feel offended infact if she is a genuine girl she wud like u and value ur friendship even more .be careful not to blame A while disclosing matter to her just ur motive should be to know if there was any such thing .be very open and let her know.if she is good she would understand u else this friendship doesnt have much depth.This is good in long run also becuse u cannot hide this long if A has told u he will tell many others also finally the version tht reaches C about u will be different like u have sided with A.so.no need to moral police her since she itself dumped him(if there was any relation) and came out of it but as good friend u need to alert her about A.incase there is truth in what A said then again both A and C is wrong and it is ur decision how to move forward ur friendship with C. WARN: dont blurt all that A said to C just tell u know few things and wait for her to reveal more if there is any ,dont mess it up
     
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  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Even if C had had an affair with A, she has been discreet about it. It is nothing to shout from roof tops about. A on the other hand is breaking all rules of civility - one can't kiss and tell. Despite knowing that it could ruin the woman's reputation especially in the Indian setup, he is being vengeful.

    Now if the whole thing were a lie, it is more appalling. I would say A isn't to be trusted in either case. Best to sta away from him. What C does in her personal life isn't your business unless she chooses to share it with you.

    Whether you mention it explicitly to C, I would say no. Something in passing and veiled like "I spoke to A and I wasn't impressed with his gossip mongering. Just made me unsettled." And leave it at that. Whether it were true or not, imo it serves no purpose to tell C how he is tarnishing her name. She should be spared that
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2016
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Just my very personal opinion
    @guesshoo I respect what you have written above. But honestly, I felt offended when my best friend chose to hide certain facts discussed about me behind my back a few years back.
    Like in this case, some one called X discussed something bad about me with my best friend. She chose to hide this news from me for whatever the reason.
    Then someone else told me what X has been gossiping. It was horrible to bear with, and I was too serious on that. So I confronted with X, and got myself cleared. However, I am still unable to bear the fact that my best friend, knowing me for a long time, chose to hide everything from me. Had she given an alert about all this, I would have handled this quickly before it was too damaging.
    I felt offended and cheated, because it seemed as if she wasn't caring about me, my reputation enough.
    Had she been my own sister, she would have rushed to warn me about this news, and given me advice as to how to go about it.

    I felt B (OP) and C are close friends, and B trusts C. So, it is important that she shares what she heard about C with C. No judgement, no questioning. But C deserve to know what is being discussed about her behind her back.
    She would feel cheated when she learns everything from someone else.
     
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  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    @SGBV I see your point. Completely.

    Something similar happened with me. And my friend said something veiled out of the blue and left it at that. From what she said it was clear she was on my camp and not the other though I didn't know the specifics. It was a tough period in my life then - too much imbalance in the marriage etc. And I wouldn't have been able to handle it sensibly. Much later when I realised through someone else I remembered the cryptic conversation with my friend and I felt touched.

    We all experience things differently. This forum reminds me that regularly :)
     
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