Financial Issue With Dh

Hi All,

Back here with other issue. Need all ur help again .
My husband never share anything about his savings. Initially i have not asked him much. Because i have an idea about his savings through other sources. But from his mouth nothing. Will pretend like i dont care in front of him.
Even if i say i came to know from this other source. Where as he does not discuss ,in a casual manner. He will not open his mouth.
Now after going through this forum i decided to approach him the way others suggested. When we were on a vacation. Talked to him slowly nicely saying its been 3 years i hate it when u dont trust me. His reply was give me some time. We will discuss this big topic back in home. And he asked me what gift i want for anniverasary which is coming soon. I said i want his trust more than anything. So no need of any gift. Just this discussion i want it to happen. He said fine.

And now this weekend my parents came he took all of us out for dinner and went to jewellery shop for my anniversary gift. I smiled and said u know what gift i want. He dint care and said some budget within that i can buy and he does not want fight to interfere our anniverasary day. Because that day is so special. He clearly told he cant discuss things with me. Anyway he is providing things whatever i want. Same things will happen in our future also. I can think of watever reason i want. I was not able to talk to him much as my parents were there. Cant walk out also. I was so angry. I dont want any gift i told him. But not wanted to create any scene in front of my parents. Wanted to eat his money. Finally i got myself something which was more than his budget out of my angry and back home. Dint talk to him. And now he is blaming me that i did not appreciate his gift. I'm not happy with anything. If he discuss also it will be the same. So let things be as it is. I said u r not fair. He said most of the things in this world is not fair and people adjust and he has also adjusted. So the same rule applies here.

It is a very stupid reason i know. He just dont want discuss and he puts the blame on me. I know his smartness.

And now he talks to me as nothing happened. I dont feel like talking to him.
Sweet talking not gonna help anymore i know. Thretening him i will leave him might help little but not completely. He will try to patch up things with something very pleasing to me. He does not want to leave me because he loves his kid and also me, he said this many times.
But i knw this purchasing gifts, vacation and all i know he is scared of loosing me. So he just want to make up things. And look nice in front of me and my parents. But never open his mouth for sharing secret.

Please tell me whether i can ignore him or anniversary day so that he will come back to discuss on his own. He hates it when i dont care him. But it will create a fight between us.
Or leave this issue for now as no harm for me now. Any way i have vented here so i can go back to normal. Or is issue is very serious which i need to handle it now.
I cant leave him for this issue. I have usual In laws issue , dominating issues but not as bad as many threads i see here. But if i have this issue in my mind i might nag him. I know it irritates when i nag continuously. May be he might not leave me but scared of losing his support in MIL issue. Please help me how to proceed.

 

Thanks for your reply.
Even i'm becoming inpatient now a days . But after getting advice here may be i should be patient atleast for some time
Initially i shared all my details with him. Even minor expenses i used to discuss with him. Because he is a miser but not that bad. And took his help even for small investment. Slowly i started realising that he hides things from me. So i started doing on my own. Initially he fought saying i have become independent, not giving him respect, money changed me a lot. I Dint fight back and i said casually i also feel the same way when you do this to me. Actually he dint reply and gave silent treatment for 2 days then things became normal and now he does not even talk about my savings also but still question about my expensive purchases and all.
Ofcourse he knows money is safe with me
I have spoke about investing in property also. He used to reply that he also has plan, need some time as these are big things. We should not hurry up. Then we both can buy a property together.
We have policy for our kid's sake but that's on his name and i'm the nominee. This initiative he took and he did it.
This was the first time something we did together. for all other investments which i start discussing he will say lets see later or may be u do on your own.

 

Ya. Whatever u specified in the other thread sounds correct atleast 80% if not 100%.Just dknw how to change. Realise him.

Regarding patriarchal thing, i know why he gives in easily. Initially he used to control me completely. If i say anything against him he will use the word divorce. So i used to bend dwn for him and mil expectations. During pregnancy faced unrealistic expectations from mil also. My dh was supporting her. Got fed up as the same continued after kid born. In one fight i said im ready to leave him. I have the plan ready as not able to tolerate u both. Will get transfer and will move to my moms place. Because things were worse at that time. Then he realised he gonna loose me soon and started supporting me. And give in things easily if it does not bother him much. Thats how i got my independence with salary and also regarding decision about kid upbringing and all.