Feel Stressful , Any Suggestions

Is it because you were working earlier and then your husband had revelation that you are not working for pay now, so you might as well pick up after everyone and cook a variety to please all?

Like Rihana said, pick a few things and explicitly ask for help. For eg: alternate days cleaning dishes to be done by husband and nephew team. Cooking twice by husband/nephew. Remind them when they forget. Dont get tired reminding. Plan week's menu ahead, cook in bulk and when you can't order out. If on the nights husband is supposed to cook and he doesn't, don't think twice about ordering. Don't argue on any thing. Just state your point and move on. Your adult husband and nephew are bth being extremely selfish and immature. So don't expect them to understand your point of view right away.

Also, try to befriend/connect with the person. You both are in similar boats - trying to get a job. Help each other. Talk about your frustrations regarding this job finding - cooking different meals, housework, preparing for jobs, taking care of kid etc. Do not blame your husband while talking to your nephew. Connecting with him as a person could open him to helping around a bit more.

When you get a job keep your savings aside and spend portion of it for expenses. Get your husband to earn your trust before you part with your savings. Invest in stuff either in your name or together.

Hope your husband soon starts valueing you - for his sake and your sake.

 

@KashmirFlower ...It's a good idea to strengthen your position before you go to battle
Don't just limit it to a job or salary.Try to assert yourself at home too.

Looks like your husband believes in the old school 'husbands are God and know it all' thinking and uses to very well to shield his irresponsible behavior.If he lets you in on the control...how would he be able to continue with his ways.

Assert your self at home slowly .
Get ready for a job and having financial control.
Get ready to ask some much needed questions when you are in a stronger position .
Prepare your argument well and present your case with confidence.You will have to bite this bullet someday or you will be writing something similar a few years down the line.You will need to do this battle...do it when you have strength and do it when you still have the time to recover from it.

The nephew is not the problem.If your husband doesn't learn to respect you ....you will be in the same position for ever.Nephews will come and go.

As a short term solution...get some paid help. Start making simpler food that every one can eat. Don't be too available all the time. Let husband take care of the hosting.
Ask husband to make investment in kids name.

Best Wishes KF!!!

 

This is the best news.

 

Dear @KashmirFlower

Sorry for the late response.

In a nutshell I too experienced almost the same treatment when our newly wedded phase was just over.

Your problems are major. They are definitely not the dishes and shoes.

Your problem is your husband's attitude of taking his wife for granted. He thinks it is perfectly all right to treat you like this. Sadly many men in Indian context are made to think this way. They think they are doing a great favor to their wives by feeding, taking care of their needs (medical, shopping etc). So that their wives must return the favor in the name of cooking, entertaining guests, sex etc...
There is no question about equality. Forget about justice.

Start asserting yourself slowly. First of all, make a common menu for all. My Bro is a diabetic patient. So his diet is different. But my SIL too makes diabetic special food in a tasty manner for both. She eats other food only when bro is out. Perhaps in the day time or on weekends if he goes out of the city.
So, whoever visit their house during casual times, they are served with diabetic menus. Unless there is a party or informed guests, there won't be any alteration in the menu.
SIL or the kid or the visitors may get an additional dish/special dish depending on the availability, time, interest.

So, make your menu with the minimum standards, but cook for all. If you are making idly and sambar, make it for all at home. Not just 2-3 idlies, that too for H.
This way, cooking for 1 extra person hardly change anything. But your generosity may be appreciated.

Make a practice at home. Since your kid is growing, make this as the right time for a change.
Inform everyone to serve themselves, and wash their plates, cups, dishes while leaving dining table. Remind them all the time until it gets into them.
So, not just the guest, but your H should take their plates to the sink, wash while washing their hands, and clean. Tell them that your kid is learning all these manners.

If properly planned, cooking 3 meals for 3 adults in the family is not a hard job. It is just a matter of a couple of hrs altogether in your 24 hr day.
So, try to utilize the remaining hrs to find a good job that suits your profile.

The bigger problems can wait till you are settled financially.