Totally Devastated!!

Dear OP,

As you had mentioned that the mistake is from both the ends, you have to work on your marriage first. Anyways you are least bothered about your MIL, so leave her. Just concentrate on your hubby and fix your relationship.

• You dont have to prove your husband about yourself. He may not understand that you have changed unless you show some LOVE towards him. Talk to him more, play with him, hold his hands while talking, hug him while he leaves to work, prepare his special food. All these things, should be done with LOVE.
• Your husband is in a mindset that, you might again fight with him and try to control him. THats why he is controlling you now. Our society people are too good that, they teach all males to control their wife otherwise wife will sit on their head. This happens at many homes. So dont counter argue with this comment. Just show him that you are trying to control him through your actions.
• If there is any circumstances which is calling for a fight, just convey your thoughts in a decent way and move on. He will realize.
• If he is getting angry with you or trying to bring up the fight, just keep quiet. Your silence will change him. Dont worry.Even if he tries to bring the past incidents, you ignore and move away.
• Am not asking you to bend to his wishes like a slave, just control him out of your LOVE and affection. Once there is a proper understanding between you both, you can make him understand your thoughts.
• From what you have written, I understand that you and your DH are basically very good and both of you want to be together. So you can very well work on your marriage and bring peace,happiness together.
• Regarding your MIL, if there is no gap between you and your DH, she cant work on separating you guys. Other common issues of MIL, you can handle. All MIL's are same, they will never change. reduce your talking with her.
• Regarding Sex, it is not just an act to perform.(Sorry to say this). If you work on the above points, sex also will fall in place. Foreplay needs lots of love and affection. (Hope you understand). Reduce the gap between you and DH through your love. He will also reciprocate the same love to you. The sex life also will fall in place. Even after that, you have issues, you can very well consult a doctor and fix your issues.

Enjoy your life OP!!!...Forget the past!!!... start a new life...

 

Dear OP

You repeatedly say that there are no major problems in your marriage. But your post is full of problems.
Your husband doesn't seem to be respecting you. Before love and affection, respect is very important in a marriage.
You have identified his low sex drive, and complained it here as an issue. How about disrespecting wife? Isn't it an issue?

Now you say you have caused some/many of these problems. It is really you, or they have made you accept this blame? Think about it.

If it is you, who has caused the problems, then you really need to introspect now. Husband's talks about his ex alliances/proposals etc are part of adult discussion. Until and unless you have a valid doubt about him being flirting or starting an EMA, there is no reason to get panicked.
Your rules about platonic friendship after marriage is also needs a revisit.
Let him be friends with either gender. Friendship should be friendship. Let him respect the boundaries.
Talk to him your expectations and the family responsibilities. Other than this don't indulge in his private space.

Your possessiveness is a result of your insecurity. You need to work on this, while having an open chat with your spouse to eradicate this.

Remember, it is a serious issue when your H ignored you, and left you in dark about his new job. A wife with no knowledge about her husband's job is the height of disrespect.

So, understand your problems clearly. Just because your father or someone else say that you don't have bigger issues, it doesn't mean there isn't any. You do have problems. Now, see how better you can face them

Forget about MIL and her brainwash and the past issues when you guys land in USA. As a first step, just wait whether he changes when just the 2 of you live under one roof.

 

deeprapriya.. I m participating in this forum after a long time as i wanted to distance myself from all the relationship issues as im personally suffering from them in all the possible ways.. but wen i read ur reply i really felt that u had written it for me.. I really want that love n affection in my marriage too.. I wish my life with my H sorts out for the good.. Thanks

 

No problem @BDivya.... ... My advice (which was came out through my experience), I never kept my MIL in mind's visibility at all owing to the fact that all problems were created by her. I knew very well that, DH is good untill he listens to MIL. So I started taking the soft route and worked on our relationship... till not I care a damn about my MIL.... Maintaining the relationship just for sake of her son....

 

thats gr8 to listen deeprapriya im not that determined like u and dont know if i will be able to keep MIL n FIL at bay and think only abt DH.. but i will surely try.. as of now i must start the initial step to bond with my DH.. Dunno if i will be able to do or not!!!

 

You will be able to do ...Dont worry.

 

It feels great to see the OP come back with a positive post and attitude. Keep it up! Best wishes for a great life together!