1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How To React In Such A Situation?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Sri1982, Jul 29, 2016.

  1. Sri1982

    Sri1982 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    I have a Colleague who keeps complaining about his wife in front of other women. He keeps saying pretty nasty things about her. Serious things like- She has borderline personality disorder, she is always fighting with him, she is very jealous, she has a S** addiction, she is very possessive about him because he is very good looking, she is fat and is constantly doing nothing at home, etc.

    It's extremely offensive to hear all this and I really don't like this guy so I try to stay away.

    I know that his wife is an extremely nice girl, since I have met her and talked to her several times. One day I had called to invite them home for something, she was probably very upset and she told me that her Husband insults her saying she is overweight so he does not find her attractive and he also insults her parents calling them 'beggars' all the time. She also said that the next door lady would always smile and find reasons to talk to her Husband, but not even smile at her.

    They have 2 beautiful boys and in front of the whole world they seem to be very happy. They have been married for 12 years now. When they are together, they are are such a normal couple.

    Probably because this guy talks such bad things about his wife, he does not want her to meet his colleagues, so she generally does not come to family parties.

    One day while talking to him, I asked him what will happen if his wife walks out of their marriage. He said that she cannot go anywhere because her parents are too poor to take care of her.

    I am not sure if this guy is destroying his wife's name to gain sympathy from other women or he is a Sociopath who is trying to pick up women. He is extremely charming and lies all the time. I am very sure the wife does not know the things he is telling other people. Also, I do not trust this guy and don't believe him,
    But there are other women who feel very sorry for this fellow.

    Sometimes it's very difficult to know how to react when someone who is not a close friend talks about private issues. I have already had bad experiences with some other people before, so I would rather stay out of this matter all together, but I cannot walk away when another Woman is crying or looking for a few kind words.

    What kind of advice do you give a woman who does not know what is going on at all, but is being hurt?
     
    Loading...

  2. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    675
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you should talk highly about his wife.

    When he degrades his wife,tell him that you are his wife's good friend and she never bad mouths him and always supports him.Tell him that he is lucky to have such a wife and he should be supportive to her in reducing her weight etc.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    She is your colleague's wife. Stay out of the matter. When he criticizes her, keep quiet or ask a mild question that will make him pause and think hard for an answer. Even better, change the topic.
     
    anika987, sindmani and KashmirFlower like this.
  4. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    660
    Likes Received:
    1,699
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    @Sri1982

    It looks like a bad situation and we cant tell for sure what's going on in that house. I once knew a woman, a friend of my mother's, many years ago who was our neighbor who wld often say some terrible things about her husband - that he was verbally and physically abusing her etc. From her account he sounded like a monster. But in front of the world he seemed like a normal guy with a serious demeanor that's all. And together with their kids they looked like the average Indian semi-happy family. But knowing her we could also tell she was a bit unhinged herself that she would provoke him with words and the whole thing would escalate. Nobody could intervene because nobody knew for sure what was going on within the four walls.

    In this particular case you mention, at best you could suggest to the woman to seek help thru a counselor. If she's right and it's the man who's acting crazy, I can't even begin to imagine her life. But nobody can help her unless she chooses to seek help herself.

    You're right in wanting to stay out of it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2016
  5. dc24

    dc24 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    589
    Likes Received:
    575
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear...this man seems to attracting other ladies' attention by presenting himself as a sufferer....
    Beware of him....
    A person who's not loyal to his wife of 12 years..to the woman who made his house a home...to the woman who's mother of his kids...is a person of the lowest character...
     
  6. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,711
    Likes Received:
    22,529
    Trophy Points:
    470
    Gender:
    Male
    just stop him blabbering again.

    tell him "if you speak so bad about your wife of 12 years", what bad would you speak about me as a colleague of few years? man something is wrong with you and not with your wife.
     
  7. Sri1982

    Sri1982 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for all your replies,
    I have already tried to tell him a couple of times not to bad mouth his wife in front of strangers. It's not easy to tell a 40 year old man, what is right and what is wrong. By this age they have probably learnt most of the behaviour that they currently have. This has probably become a habit.
    If not at work, they will do it on the privacy of Facebook with some other strange women who don't know them at all. Or at a bar or pub.
    I would prefer not to talk to this man at all. Period.
    He is extremely charming and talks so gently with Women. I know a couple of women who seem to have a crush on him. I sometimes get the feeling he is a Sociopath.
    I did not mean what should I tell him, I was wondering what to tell his wife if she ever cried in front of me again. I will suggest counselling, as an option. Thanks for the suggestion.

    As a Woman I find it really difficult to see a man insulting his wife, but it's not possible to do anything about it, because I cannot slap him and ask him to behave. He really deserves a slap. Even if the wife has problems, why should anyone discuss it in public?
     
    anika987, sindmani and KashmirFlower like this.
  8. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,800
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    As it is office environment, u need to see faces again and need to be Ok with each other, and u don't want unpleasantness at ur work place, u better ignore and avoid this guy as much as u can. you may advise counselling to his wife, but can u give her contact details etc, if she tells her H later u gave info, etc, he may keep that in mind and may create some issue to u at work(he can very well do it, the way his behavior shows) and which can get escalated etc.

    It also depends on how strong you are, to take if any such thing comes, some can handle well, if you think u can handle, please help by routing her.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2016
    anika987 likes this.
  9. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,800
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    can he take it easily and leave Op without telling or doing some harm to her? I don't think so, as these lines hurts his ego.
     
    sindmani and GoogleGlass like this.
  10. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,711
    Likes Received:
    22,529
    Trophy Points:
    470
    Gender:
    Male
    there is a rapport - the basic problem is girls don't attempt to stop, thinking some harm will come and try to be polite, or walk away from the scene or keep quite. all of this will make the guy keep talking.

    for once they need to react and see the result. should be prepared to tackle if it takes a rough path. but once or a few times if they shake him, then he would get the message.
     
    sindmani and KashmirFlower like this.

Share This Page