Dh Not Letting To Go For Mom Side Function

-Tell him he would still loose his respect if he is not honoring your family function which is rare one.

You be polite but stern in choosing what you want.

"Love is more than respect "- applicable for both of you OP. Let him show his love towards you by not giving in to his mother's crap. He is being a smart son and you be a good daughter too . Keep calm and make a clear decision within yourself and then escalate to him.

 

Dear OP,

If you give in now, this will be a continued struggle for life time. And I am pretty sure this is not the first time where your feelings and/or opinion were not taken into consideration when it comes to matters where you or your family is concern.

How about standing up for yourself for once?

You train how people treat you by what you allow.

 

It won't be easy. How you deal with him is say that you have thought hard about it and have decided you cannot stay away from your grandfather's function. Don't explain or argue.

The truth is you don't need his permission. Tell him you have listened to him all these years and it unfair of him to expect you to give this up too. You have made a decision and that's it. You don't have to explain anymore. Let him say whatever. Just remain calm and tell him simply - you know what is true and you know what is fair. I don't want to keep discussing this.

Let him throw his tantrum. He ought to come around when he realises being a manipulative jerk is not having any effect on you. Don't beg or go behind him or give silent treatment. You be normal and in good cheer. And be firm.

 

Be clear on what you want.Do you want to please your husband all the time so that he is super nice to you? or take a stand on righteous things to do?You are getting just 5 days leave,use that to go for the function and come back.Tell your H that both of you can plan another vacation to MIL's place and not to combine MIL's visit and the function now.Show your H that you are capable of taking decisions and don't nod to his emotional blackmailing.

 

OP, Your hubby and your MIL are spoilt brats. Its chith bhi meri pat bhi meri. If you go, they will say something, if you don't they will say something. So why not go. Your grandfather's function is more important than celebrating Diwali with constantly throwing fits MIL - hubby. Your hubby is emotionally stunting you by laying out useless terms.

Be firm,get leave for your grandfather;s function. pack your bags and leave. If hubby protests, don't answer and go on. You need to set the tone for further health of marriage. You are a person and you need some rights too.Not wait for him to say jump to say how high.Good Luck.

 

Kanakabhishekham happens once in a lifetime and for a very few.
Diwali roughly comes once a year I understand the position ur DH is in. But this is one of those times where I would have dug my heels.
Compromise. Tell him he can go and celebrate diwali with his mom and u will attend the function. I have been in situations like this ...this is what worked for us. .. not sure what the dynamics are at ur end ... For these kind of functions usually as a sambandhi ur MIL will be invited. Invite her over phone personally and say u can all spend some time together .Pay for her travel. Then leave the choice to her . She could spend time with u ,her son and the grandchild and enjoy festivities or have her son all to herself for diwali.

 

Take leave with loss of pay and go to your grandpas function..wow how ur husband can be so spineless..and he is trying to take a free ride on you telling you are this generation..and who is he to decide if your daughter will be strained or not..and your granddad is great garanddad to your daughter..his blessings are more important to your daughter than being with your filthy selfish mil who thinks for her own self..plz plz take your daughter to your granddad function which is sowmthing great ..if possible dont vidit your disgusting mil ..if he says you respect him tell him respect my foot..lim him go and lick your moms feet and you and your daughter have some guts and stamp her on her face

 

Take leave with loss of pay and go to your grandpas function..wow how ur husband can be so spineless..and he is trying to take a free ride on you telling you are this generation..and who is he to decide if your daughter will be strained or not..and your granddad is great garanddad to your daughter..his blessings are more important to your daughter than being with your filthy selfish mil who thinks for her own self..plz plz take your daughter to your granddad function which is something great and happens once in lifetimw..if possible dont visit your disgusting mil ..if he says you dont respect him.. tell him respect my foot..let him go and lick his moms feet and you and your daughter have some guts and stamp her on your evil mil's face

 

Good replies from everyone. Tell him you trusted him that he would take ur DD to the function. Now he is not keeping his promise. So you have no choice but to forego Diwali at MIL's and instead take ur DD to the function yourself. Now even if you hubby agrees to take DD do not trust him as your MIL might poison him again later.

And play deaf ears to all the possible arguments and accusations your H might have. I know its easier said than done - but for your sanity play deaf ears - when you ignore something, it will automatically stop. Good luck