Women Who Are "only Child" Caring For Parents Far Away ?

@madras2018- Even as children my sibling and I were highly encouraged to go abroad for studies. This is one thing which was denied to my father and his sibling- while my father's cousins got to pursue higher studies in the US.
Right now including my cousin and myself and my sibling all are in the US.
We were constantly told to settle down in the US and mom used to plan out to invest in a retirement community.
With so much of planning of their lives and even ours to a extent.. it is very hard for my mom to live alone. I highly doubt she will even invest in a retirement community.

For your question- No, consciously I and neither my sibling are planning to go to India or planned to live in India for our parent's sake.
After dad passing.. we are more worried about mom and we are looking into ways to get my mom to the US.

 

For me, Location not really, but "Caring for parents post marriage"- Yes. That was one of the biggest deciding factor (almost non-negotiable) for both me and sis. We did spend pretttty good time fulfilling that criteria though. But then again, like you mentioned, we had to figure out the the actual logistics around caring for parents after marriage. Made lots of trials and couple of mistakes on the way, but now we are ( more or less ) set in what works for parents and what doesn't. In terms of spousal support, we both married a little later in life and partners are super mature in supporting our decisions. It goes both ways, Sis has been supporting her partner in managing ILs ( hers are getting very old now) very well. I am also learning to support my partner in helping his folks. Sometimes, it works, sometimes they do not like the support.

In terms of location, I was anyway away from my folks about a decade before my marriage. My sis was also away for the most part of her career and married life. Mom dad were stronger that time, used to manage most of their tasks on their own. Dad was in favor of using technology long before we got married, mostly for the convenience it brought. So it was easier to tweak the system when we got married. Luckily, they are financially well off. So we only provide tactical help. Sis, did decide to wind up her career overseas because she was anyway planning to do so in a couple of years, so my marriage and move to a different location triggered that decision a bit earlier. She went over and above my expectation because she managed to get a house closer to parents. This gives me peace of mind. Her ILs also live in the same city, few minutes apart. Her's is a nuclear family so it has been working brilliantly now. Not, sure if it be the same for me, if we decide to live with my DH's folks in a joint family, because they leave in a far away town.

 

@blessings1010- That's good that you and your H had spoken about this before marriage.
In my case.. I hadn't and I had assumed that it will be taken for granted especially with 2 daughters in the family.
My IL's are not of the same social standing as ours and yet they think somehow I will take from my IL's to provide to my mom!! (such cheapness makes me feel so disgusted about IL's) It's almost ridiculous for them to even think like that!
The worst part is my H is ok with what I decide but MIL constantly tells him how to do.. what to do and whats is right!! My MIL is really one kanjoos (penny-pinching women) who won't even give a dying person small amount of water. If my H talks to his mom anything sad about my mom. That's it !She can't tolerate her son feeling any emotions to any older woman if it is not her! She gets jealous and will tell how wrong my mom! She will turn my mom into an evil women and who is demanding things a mother shouldn't demand! Really.. my MIL is god sent satan!

They literally want me to cut all ties off with my mom and never talk to her and do all sort of pooja and seva for my IL's!!
At least right now touch wood- everyone is hale and healthy.
If she gets a whiff of my sis and my plans of getting mom to be the US.. I have no idea what is in store for me (IL wise) and her non- stop interference into our family.

 

Oh dear, you cant not control what ILs think and assume. Expecting to cut off ties from your mom who is alone there is downright nasty. Please do not pay any heed to that. Your mom is a working lady, they do not have to ever accuse you with their cheap remarks.

 

@blessings1010- Yea.. I know! Usually I let it go and just do what I want.. Now a days I have stopped telling things what my mom is facing/ feeling to my H. Just my sis and I talk about it and try to take action through our family friends and relatives back home.

But seriously such nasty IL's. I got to know my IL's nastiness from SIL. SIL's MIL has breast cancer and wears a wig.. both my MIL and FIL are teasing that poor lady for wearing a wig!! Imagine such cheapness my IL's must be. Disturbingly disgusted by them.


Sorry for turning this thread into venting about IL's