How My Marriage Went Upside Down

OP - I read this thread and your various posts and took a few hours wondering why even bother posting here and justifying yourself over and over again when you seem to be having enough clarity of thought on your current and future course of actions. I'm not going to throw brick bats at you because you are going to get a lot from people IRL. You already are aware from different perspectives posted above as to what you will hear from people. Look, your husband and in-laws are not taking this lying down. They probably have and will continue to make your boyfriend the sole reason for the divorce. You will see what character assassination is like first hand. Did you talk to people prior to this about your stalemate marriage? Not many people know what happened right? Let's forget the in laws. What about your parents? You do need to do damage control with your family, CB! Instead of saying things like "The marriage was anyway over, there was no emotional and physical connect and I already told this guy, so I think I'm justified in what I did." If you said something like "I know I hurt the guy and I'm sorry I did it and cannot take it back but I don't regret ending the marriage", they maybe able to take it a little better. You do need your family. If you have siblings and their spouses etc, you need to make sure this doesn't drive a wedge between your immediate family and you. You may think you don't need them but you do. So do some rewording and talk to your family. Make sure they don't hold it over your head even if they don't understand you or agree with you. Sometimes when we do things, our families do have to bear the repercussions. I hope they don't cut you off completely for this.

Next, like a lot of people have pointed out already, don't be in a hurry to get anything finalized with the boyfriend. Two failed marriages are definitely not what you want. If you haven't moved in together, then don't. Stay alone. Manage things independently. Get control of your emotions. You are here now because of a bad marriage that went on for a long time. Even if you feel you are ok, the emotional scars from trying so long are doing to be present. Don't do anything you cannot undo. If the guy is genuinely interested he will wait.

Oh and btw, you already have stated parts of this in your posts but do not let anybody tell you what you should and should not put up with in any relationship. It's your life and you do have the ultimate say in how you lead your life. Of course, things like emotional blackmail from parents etc is super hard to take but you are living this yourself. Nobody is coming to live this life for you. So after a point, only you can decide what's alright and what's not.

Oh and I hope you don't start now by talking about what happened in your marriage to people who don't matter. Everything is over. You did cheat on the guy and that's quite a lot for anyone to take. Try to not drag past issues out in the open now, when you haven't for so long. Just close that chapter, don't engage in any conversations about it with anyone and stop justifying yourself so much. Give yourself a break. Start thinking about the future. Don't delve into the past too much.