Is Ema/cheating An Acceptable Way To Deal With A Crappy Spouse?

I read about this article about this woman who was cheated on by her husband of some years. She could not/did not want to break up because of kids .He apologized,repented ,tried to make up in many ways.She wanted to forgive and forget but couldn't . She still cared for him but could not move on with life. The marriage came to a breaking point .No matter what,she could not stop feeling humiliated ,used .

She got drunk and slept with an old time guy.A drunk one night stand .She was able to forgive him .she no longer felt humiliated.
It was not revenge because the husband did not even know .She just felt they were on the same plane.She no longer judged him .She no longer felt cheated.The marriage survived.She could love him again .

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This is just about an article I read @Ragini25 .Not justifying cheating or EMA .But I wouldn't judge her.
Some time back...I would have written EMA is never right or justified. For me and my spouse it is still not acceptable .But I am not as judgmental now.Let people and their life tell their story.

 

A big No. Why a person is having an EMA? There are few extreme cases, ignoring those sick people.

Pardon me, but I have to ask this question... is that something to do with their upbringing? Something they witnessed in their childhood (seeing a close relative got away with it or accepted by their family), why it comes so easy for some people, regardless of their gender? One cannot wake up with good conciseness and walk on the same path (to do the same routine) in the daily life. Any way, it is a mystery to me.

 

No....My personal value system was in place long before I met my partner. Had my spouse turned out to be a jerk who should not be married in the first place I would still stand by my values. Value system is not something one gives up that easily. A lousy husband is a good excuse just not good enough for me.

 

Very interesting, @Ragini25

I'm thinking up various scenarios!!

So girl enters arranged matriage with lots of hopes and dreams. However marriage is crappy and husband is refusing to play ball. Family is not supportive and minimalises the woman's problems even if she were to share them - men-are-like-this-only / all-marriages-have-ups-and-downs /everyone- lives-like-this-why-do-you-expect-special-treatment etc. Her likes and dislikes are disregarded. She doesn't feel validated. Her self-esteem is extremely eroded. I'm not sure she's even thinking straight. Now... ENTER funny colleague who treats her - gasp!- like an individual! Suddenly she gets validation and attention from this stranger. It puts her on a high - like a drug, i mean. I'm not saying it's right but can completely see how this trainwreck would occur.

Is it justified? I don't think so. I can't help but wonder why women aren't supported enough. They are typically brought up to believe they can achieve anything. They study, land good jobs, progress in their careers but are expected to be married into a parochial system and earn the name of a good wife and DIL by serving the husband + ILs and promptly producing offspring.

It would take a very strong, self-confident and mature woman to take the bold step of leaving the marriage. Grabbing a "little happiness" on the side perhaps becomes easier?

I am not able to condemn other women even a half as much as I would probably have condemned myself had I gone down that road...

Now, if you were to ask me what I would do when gender roles are reversed in this story, I will have to admit my judgement won't be fair.

 

Very interesting point there. Never thought of it this way. In a way both become the abusers.

 

Lately, our relationship form is turning into - 'solvathellam unmai'....Zee-Tamil TV show. Don't ask, do you watch that? deals with EMAs, family feud, run away bride/groom