Right(eous) Timeline Of Affair?

When there is fidelity, solution can be found for rest, for it is the backbone of marital relationship. When it is broken, none of others make any sense. If character is lost, everything is lost. That is the bottom line. Whatever he has done, all in front of her, all known to her, she knows what he is up to. What she has done is back of him. There is huge difference between these two.

If people want to redefine everything according to their own convenient, if the people want to move the references to suit their convenience, to feel comfortable about their wrong acts, then the whole idea and discussion about morality is plain nonsensical. Let us not waste time any more.

 

No, he has not been honest with her. He did not tell her before marrying that this was what their 'married' life was going to be. So he has already cheated her by marrying her.

In any case, this is an unending debate. Each of us has our own perspectives. I am reminded of 'let the sinless cast the first stone'. I think I have said what I believe and am willing to agree to disagree with whoever is of a different point of view.

 

Why is basic decent behavior not the back bone of a marital relationship?
Why is it believed that such neglect and emotional abuse can be forgiven and forgotten if solutions are found.How does one forget and forgive the hurt,the broken dreams,the lost time so easily?Why are these not considered a deal breaker?

Some people are willing to forgive and forget infidelity too.That poster's husband was wiling to forget as long as she was willing to put up with his **** and some more as punishment? It did not seem a deal breaker for him.
It seems more like expectations of better behavior from him was the deal breaker for him. So what is the backbone of marriage in this case?
Does the backbone vary from person to person?Marriage to marriage?
If so....why a blanket judgment ?

 

One can have an opinion about a specific instance of EMA based on personal code of ethics..but an individual case cannot form the basis for a personal code or be used to justify something.

The whole thread seems to be about the latter.

 

Hello Madam, to talk about this specifics of this case, they both had only 2 days to know each other. From what that woman said, it is primarily an issue of compatibility of personality. Being an introvert is not his crime, being an extrovert is not her crime, but both are poles apart, and without knowing each other they got married, and what happened has happened.

But the whole debate is all about making an EMA, a cheating, as situational dependent and therefore justifiable. I said in the previous thread as well, be compassionate with the people, but do not justify the wrong act. For a person who stole loaf of bread out of hunger, you may give another dozen loaf out of kindness, but you don't justify the theft itself. I stand by this.

The Biblical passage you have quoted, I am too familiar with that. Again, in my previous post I made it clear that no human being is good enough to condemn another. Neither Jesus did condemn that woman in Bible nor He diluted her act. He has clearly said not to do such act again. He did not give any situational color to dilute and drive the men away, for example, what woman did is justifiable in case of poverty. The act itself was never justified. One have to call a spade as spade, plain and simple. I stop here.

 

First of all, you and me know about that man only to the extent the woman said, he has not written anything in this forum. I have my own apprehensions about this story, it is not adding up well.

Having said that, who is justifying his wrongs? Are you saying abuses and cheating are same? Former always happens against the face showing true color of abuser, later is back stabbing having an ugly face under beautiful mask until getting caught. Both are not same.

What about the emotional trauma that man might have had when he found his spouse cheating? What circumstances made him to still accept, if at all it is true, do you know that.

Madam, please call a spade as spade. There is no need to circle around. I am not defending that man, I am calling a cheating as cheating, an abuse as abuse. There is no need to dilute any of these.

 

If you dont want to be in the marriage, confirm to your partner that its OVER FULLY and divorce is next step - mutual consent or not. Why wont you do that? Instead of cheating? Are you saying that disappointment in meeting needs by a spouse, means EMA is ok!?
I am done with this topic. Surprised Rih and Satchi and ym feel ema ok under some circumstances. Stay with spouse but have sex with 3rd person and thats ok if spouse disappoints?

 

I think time is not going to do any magic here. As how people fall in love (at first sight), this is love that comes after marriage.
In the first love we are answerable to only our parents, but love affair after marriage is answerable to parents, pil, husband and kids (if had).,even to person that we have fallen in love.
Every marriage is a good marriage and every marriage is a bad marriage. It depends on how we look into. If our parents are bad we are not searching for other parents (same for children), but if marriage fails, immediately searching for other person. I don't know what will they do if their second (affair or Marriage) also fails.
We wont be comfortable in changing our friends itself, but how come a partner. We are moving with variety of people every day, we may like some of them for various reasons. But we can't go after them.
Some may ask what if a spouse betrays,
Betrayal is not a OK token to have an affair with other. If people are not OK with their marriage life, let them come out of it and think.
According to me, affair within marriage is not acceptable (I'm traditional in this agenda).
Job vs marriage criteria, job is purely for MONEY, whereas marriage is all about affection and trustworthy. Company won't feel for you, if you quit. They will immediately appoint some one in your place whereas marriage is full of feelings. It may take many years to come out of it.

 

It is not about that thread.
just

It is not about that thread...just wondering aloud why some vows that are so basic to the marriage are less important than others.

Personally,to me infidelity kills a marriage because marriage is about relations between two people and no third person should be allowed.
Similarly.... lack of interest in any kind of intimacy also kills the marriage and is a form of cheating because marriage is about an intimate bond between two people .Marriage put a limitation or a boundary around the couple and the couple is not supposed to cross that limit .Denying intimacy to a partner is like having food in the house but keeping the partner hungry .It is as cruel as cheating. By intimacy here I mean emotional and physical intimacy and a desire and understanding of each others needs .This is something that can be achieved even if medical problems exist.

 

YM - if one feels marriage is irretrievably dead, move on versus stay-and-cheat? You dont even want your DH to have female friends (normal female friends who are close, no affair), which is an extreme stance. But fine its your stance though surprising your H agreed coz friends are just friends. But in a marriage - if dead move on. If even friends are so tough to digest (shouldnt be), shudder to think ema.

So if spouse is letting down, why is staying and cheating ok? Instead of telling him its over. Would u not want to be honest satchi rih ym?