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Right(eous) Timeline Of Affair?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jul 23, 2016.

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  1. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    EMA's are bad..agreed...and add to it the physical part is disgusting..agreed.

    Many people are not able to come out of EMA and go to the extent of physical because-when two person are in love,when they have so much to share and laugh and talk about..and don't afraid to be one's own self in each other's company...then love making obviously becomes the next step..when there is someone to sooth your mind then body becomes secondary.

    When the above mentioned phenomena happens in marriage,its spiritual and when it happens outside marriage its EMA...only the names are different,but the process is the same.

    Being in love and being loved is an addiction...so many EMA'ers find it difficult to come out of this addiction.

    Now when does this happen in marriage-when you realize that there is a void of love and and when your start looking for someone to fill that void-that someone either happens by chance or by choice.
     
  2. APS45

    APS45 Silver IL'ite

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    When the husband and wife have taken marital oath that they will be true to each other, both in good and bad times, and in all the difficulties and pain. The difficulties and pain caused by his or her own spouse also part of it. Forget about law and society, are we not abound the promise we made with all our senses? If not, what really makes men and women, is it just bone and flesh? Being truthful to oneself is the mother of all virtue. You don't need big gang to certify you, support you, when you are true to yourself.

    Therefore, the timeline is, reach the point where you no longer bound by the promises you made, then move on. Talks about practicality and all the blah-blah are plain ********, just to suppress or overcome the guilty feelings.
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Just providing financial stability does not make for a marital relationship. What does one make of a relationship where there is no love, no respect, no care, no communication?

    This is in no way similar to a situation where a couple are otherwise alright but can't have a kid, or have financial problems, health problems etc. One can ignore one or two aspects if others are alright. No one can expect a marriage to be just perfect. In that case talk of 'for better or for worse' is fine. What when there is no relationship at all? Do just rituals and a legal bit of paper make for a bond? Even flatmates would have some kind of emotional attachment to each other.
     
  4. APS45

    APS45 Silver IL'ite

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    If nothing existing, what made to continue in the relationship, and cheat in the back of the spouse? Just for money, stick in the relationship and seek rest somewhere? Now the crime rate increase. It takes much less courage to walkout than to cheat in back of the spouse. Please don't justify unjustifiable.
     
  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    It might be unjustifiable to you, but the only the one who wears the shoe knows where it pinches. For that matter she was capable of earning for her own keep. If anything she quit her job and came back in the hope of trying to make things work.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Point.

    I've always thought that talking too much about any problems with a friend, parent, sibling, relative, colleague rather than talking about it with spouse, is emotionally short-changing the marriage and being disloyal to spouse. If the talking is hidden from spouse, that is.
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Fidelity is not the only vow taken during wedding.

    Care,concern,intimacy ,respect etc are also part of the wedding vows.

    If one party does not fulfill this part of the vow....or abuses these vows by being a distant,uncaring ,disrespectful partner...is it not serious breach of trust?

    What is a marriage without these?Why is this not cheating?Why does this uninterested partner not leave the marriage before behaving this way?

    Why is breaking this trust not so seriously judged?
     
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  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Always provided the spouse is approachable and LISTENS when talked to.
     
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  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly, no one seems to be asking why the guy in this case got married at all.

    • He was content with spending time with buddies on weekends.

    • He had no time or inclination to spend with the wife.
    • He did not listen to her when she brought up the topic.
    • He did not want a physical relationship or kids but was content to allow his wife to face the music with his parents. He was not man enough to own up to his parents.
    • He refused to go for counselling.
    • On top of that, when she has an EMA, he magnanimously FORGIVES HER and expects her to be grateful, go and live with her abusive ILs.
    Is he playing some kind of mind games with her? What he wants is virtually a slave for his parents. He did not marry her to get a wife.

    P.S. I again wish to clarify, I am only talking of this particular case because it seems different from other threads on flippant EMAs, spouse swapping and the like that we have seen on this forum in the past. By no means do I say that EMAs are to be encouraged.
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Very nicely put.
     
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