What Is Important In A Marriage?

very true

 

op..to me most of the items you have listed are all interlinked together. Caring & bonding is also love & companionship. Respect also sums to understanding & support.

I feel like you are looking at the important marriage qualities in a very high level, bird's eye view. The high level qualities are built based on many many micro qualities of each individual. The high level qualities are derived from the over romantization of the whole concept of marriage. When in reality no one can ever have all of them all the time.

I think the important things in a marriage are the micro qualities that over a period of time will lead to the high level qualities you have listed. Some of the micros are

1. Compatibility
2. physical attraction
3. a sense of safety in the relationship
4. Common interests
5. family values
6. equality
7. exposure
8. conversations
9. identity
10. Beliefs

...and many many more. These form the foundation of the relationship. Laying a strong foundation takes a lot of time & effort from both the side. When you have a strong foundation between 2 reasonable people...the high level qualities you have described will fall in place..but not 100% of the time...but high enough for the 2 individuals to have a growing & respectful relationship.

 

This is one poem that resonates with me. As I get older, the beauty of it seems to grow. I wanted to colour the lines I really love, and then realise that every line , every word is so beautiful and meaningful , that it would be an injustice to not colour any.

Thoughts on Marriage from Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your
days.
Yes, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of heaven dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but each one of you be
alone--even as the strings of a lute are alone though the quiver
with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not in each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the Cyprus grow not in each other's shadows

 

All are important and cannot be avoided. Adding one more 7.Flexibility to adjust on all the above would solve the problem.

 

All of them, and probably some more qualities like financial independence, freedom of thought, degree of extended family influence, culture, religion etc..etc...

It is important to understand what is more important to us, and what are adjustable. In my case, 2,4 and independence is more important to me. Independence means, the freedom of decision making, choice of religion and other matters without any pressure etc...
But I could let go or even adjust with the 1,3,4,6. Yes, I know love is very important, but I wouldn't expect roses, and candle dinner or surprise valentine gift in my marriage any more. If that is missing, it is not a big deal.
I know it would be great to have someone understand you. But not necessarily your spouse, even a best friend or colleague would understand what you are going through. Even if that part is missing in your spouse, for me it is not a danger zone. I can perfectly lead a happy life. More over companionship is what understanding to me. A person to talk to, share, and even fight with is what I expect from my hubby.
I just can't share my life with an unequal partner.

Sex was important during the initial times. Now as well it remains important, but it is now adjustable and no longer a priority.

My husband has his list and we did talk about it before marriage, and also speak the same now and then to see how much we tend to adjust and accept each other.