The Second Car!!

We had a tough weekend this time. It all started with a small problem that is going on in the family right now.

The second car!!!
I think we must own a second car now. It is the right time, and it is a must to do as per our own needs.
Both myself and my husband are working. Our offices are in different directions, so travelling in one car is always complicated.
We already had 2 cars, and had all the comforts of it a few years back. I brought both the cars, and gifted one for husband. But later, due to some unavoidable circumstance, we had to sell one of our cars, thus the issue.
Since then, my husband is driving me to places. He drops me in the office, and picks me up in the afternoon. However, if I need the car anytime in between (sickness, need to return early, lunch outs etc) I miss it.
So, I asked him to look for a car, as we are very much afford a car. This time, instead of buying a car all by myself, I have asked my husband to buy it from his pocket.

Reason is... I am on a break from my usual job, but just doing private consultancy for the time being as to be with family. So, my income is just 1/4 of what I earned in the past.
He has got a salary hike last year, with this his salary has become very very good!!!
We both pool our money for the family expenses, and he saves something on his personal acc which I don't bother to dig. He claims to clear his old credit card debts, pawing interests etc.. but never showed the details in spite of asking him seriously.
But I know he is a care-free, irresponsible man. He spends on his friends, and unreliable matters casually.

So far, it is me who has brought the house, and made so much expenses to build it as the way he wanted it.
Brought the car, brought all the furniture inside the house. Made investments and savings for our future. Insurance plans etc..etc...
He has always been careless till I quit my job one day last year due to a pressing reason. Then he become responsible for the family matters. Since then we have nothing short in our comforts, as he takes good care of all with his earning.
I know he is hard working and making extra money too!

So asking a car is not a problem I see...
- There is a need
- Our peers have it
- Its a status symbol
- We are very much afford it.

But he doesn't seem to be interested in it. Since I've taken back my car recently (to push him), he comfortably drive on his dad's car which is supper old, and needs loads of repair should something goes wrong.
If something goes wrong, we would end up repairing it - causing more money, that would be equal for the down payment for a new car.

So, yesterday I pushed him further on this matter. It all started verbally, but he left the house (as he would do during any arguments) abruptly at 6.30pm, and did not come for dinner.
He came at 10.30pm.
I was having fever that time, and looking after my cranky kids all by myself with the fever, was too much that time.
Plus my son had exam the next day, so I was forced to teach him, while attending to the second kid's usual tantrums.
Feeding them, and putting both of them to sleep on time was terrible. I called H several times, but he cut the calls, and switched off his mobile later on.
He was supper careless on the matters that are concerning to the family.
So, I was almost like exploding by the time my mom came home (from bro's house). Shortly after that H came.

We argued and he seemed more aggressive. Mom came in between to protect me as i was having fever ; hence vulnerable. But H got supper angry on her, and shouted at her saying "don't interfere between H and W". Fearing the worst, I too have asked mom to go out of our room as I can deal this.
It all happened after kids were fast asleep. But my son woke up amidst this and cried. Mom was shouting as if we were irresponsible parents thus shouting before kids.

When such matters come, she would usually compare us to our bro's family and irritate us saying how great they were as couples, and parents!!!
Though mom didn't say anything last night, she would surely speak this later.

We cooled down later at night. He apologized, and went to sleep.

Today, as though nothing happened, he helped me with the household chores and went to work.

But mom is keeping a long face. Refused to speak casually with me.

I am already strained. With this fever, I am so unwell now.
I am running my household as a superwoman. I earn, invest, look after kids, their facilities, their health, their future, their studies etc..etc... in addition to bring everything home for our settlement.
He was cool as a subordinate, not as a leader. It worked though. But now, we have to depend on his income.
He neither gives his pay ch to me, nor calculatedly build the family.

I am angry on him... But more than this, I am angry on my mom who is showing a cold attitude for this.

Vent over!!!

 

You are 100% correct. My physical illness was one of the reason to lose this battle. I was way too much emotional and speaking nonsense which I realize only now. It was indeed good that he left the house. Else we would have dug our own grave with stupid arguments.

He is a complected personality. He doesn't say that he doesn't wanna car. He would say, "yes, let's go for it". But he would not do anything about it. If I ping him today he would say busy... Tomorrow some other reason, and the next day he would pretend to be upset or sick so that I wouldn't ask. This pattern continues for a week or two. Then I would forget this...
After a month or so, I would get it reminded all of a sudden and the topic starts from the scratch. He would give me a lie or two. Saying he has checked a few cars, and kept this as a surprise.
Again I would trust him, as his statements were not vague.
Then a few days will pass, and nothing would happen. If questioned, he would say it did not work out. Some 3-4 months would have passed with this.
Again I will have to start from the scratch. I have been pressing him for the car since past 2 years!!!

Never once he said NO to it. Always OK, but indeed not OK.

Not only with this car.. For any financial matters which require a big chuck on money, he is like this. That's why I had to put my foot down to do everything for our settlement. If I do anything, he would join me very supportively. So that I could do my works more efficiently. However, he wouldn't do anything at all.
Perhaps, he is waiting for me to buy the second car from my savings. I am determined not to do that this time.

He is NOT transparent with his finances. But he has been always open, and never said NO to whatever the doubts I have on him. Am I confusing?
He would give me access to his account, and show me the print outs of the last month transactions.
It would only show how much salary came (which is 100K), and how much he has withdrawn. He transfers 60K for the family (Earlier he gave only 40K), and there will be 10K, 20K, 30K withdrawals. He would say he has taken the money to re-pay his credit card debt. He would promise these debt would come to an end by *** date. But when I ask him on that exact date, he would have a different, yet convincing answer to say. It seems his credit card debt has no end.
And for God's sake no one knows the reason for his credit card debt. He says he had spent on something for the family, which I don't think true. But I have no evidence to prove it.
He would not share his credit card statements. But share the SMS from his mobile which says the receipt of money.
I don't know whether he has other bank accounts. I have never tried to dig it further. His most imptn passwords are with me.
But no ping about it.
He had lost a huge chunk of money from our joint acc (80% of the savings were mine) in the past. Not even once he has given me a reasonable reason for it.
I doubted that he has supported to PILs. But there is no evidence.
PILs up scaled their life style with a new house and a car during then. They had no other financial backing.
I found one of his e mail stated about a huge money transfer to FIL's acc, for a sponsorship to BIL's UK education visa.
But he says FIL had returned the money after the visa was done.

He has inferiority complex; thus showing off to his friends as if he is a millionaire. He doesn't have high end friends, but a group who blindly follow him as a leader. All of them are either uneducated, or poor people. So he would show off as if he was a king.
To this pride he may be spending a lot. Giving them treats, helps, assistance etc...

Once when we were newly married, he gifted a motor bike to his poor friend. By that time he himself did not have a bike, and I had to sponsor him for that.
Then he gave a huge chunk of money to his female colleague for her wedding. Seemingly she was struggling to pay a dowry, and he helped her.
These 2 guys were treating him like a God till now.
But I only know how he struggled to buy basics for our house when we started our new life. I had to pull all my savings to rent a house and buy the basic furniture.

So, I can't doubt on in laws all the time. Sometimes they are also frustrated with his attitude.

That's why I've decided to plan on big items such as car, renovation of the house, jewels for kid etc..etc.. every now and then, so that he can get committed.
I have even given him an easy loan system for cars, so that he can pay EMI from his monthly salary. Just that he needs to pay the down payment.

Again venting, as I am trying to see a point here!