How To Support Husband With The Grieving Process.

It is okay and a part of own grieving mechanism if your husband behaves like this within 1 month of this incident.
However, if he is acting the same for a longer period, you must check whether he is affected by PTSD. Just google for it, and see the symptoms.
If you have any doubts, consult a professional help.

In the mean time, let him be... If possible give him an ear after all he wish to speak up.
Keeping him busy would also change the mind.

 

Hi,

This is very very difficult situation, its not that much easy to come to normal life from unexpected death happened in family. B'coz my mother passed away (unexpected one) six moths back, even now am not able to come out from that.

God and Time only heals the situation.

 

@cliona

If the relationship between your husband and his father was very close, it will take a long time. How long ? we cannot say for sure.

When one of my parents passed away suddenly it was so devastating that I cried pretty much everyday for a good 6 months. I was extremely depressed for a whole year after that but it was not obvious to people around me. I just didn't show it . But I would feel sick when left alone with my thoughts. I coped by throwing myself at work. Years later, someone asked me over coffee about my mother's life & how she died. I was fine at the meeting, talked eloquently about her but upon reaching home I just couldn't hold my tears. I have a soft corner for women who are as old as my mother would have been - and it's been over 10 yrs since her death. I still cry when I watch an emotional scene of a protagonist losing his/her mother on screen.

So in a nutshell, grief doesn't have a definitive end. It can remain dormant in one's heart for a long time and suddenly show up surprising everyone. Sometimes it appears that he/she misses the parent more, not less, as years pass by.

One way to help your husband is by listening to him when he talks about his father. Urge him to express himself and you can also share the good memories of your FIL. Men express grief differently than women. Women get through it by talking. Men sometimes hold it within and not sleeping or eating. Sometimes people can blame themselves for their loved one's death rationalizing it as "If I had been there, or he had been here, he would be alive now". If this is the case with your husband, try to assure him that it is not his fault and he should not feel guilty abt things beyond his control. Lend a patient ear when he talks and keep an eye on him for the next few months. Try not to suggest going out partying, going for a fancy meal and other such celebratory activities for the initial month - it may feel very inappropriate to him even if you only meant to distract him.

Try to instead engage him in activities that bring him peace - whether going for a drive, going to a temple or visiting his favorite places that bring him peace etc. Keep your house clean, serene and calm - it will be a soothing balm for his suffering inside. He should be somewhat normal within the next 2-3 months. Oh yes, do commemorate the first anniversary of your FIL's passing respectfully per your culture. It is these small rituals that help someone cope with grief better. These rituals are as much for the living as they are for the dead.

Whatever you do, never tell your husband now or in the future "But it's been X (days/months/years), how long are you going to grieve?". The pain of losing a loved one never goes away, it can only lessen in intensity.

 

The pain of losing a loved one never goes away.

Please remember the above. It takes time. Just listen to him and let him talk his heart out. Dont expect him to fulfil all his roles soon.