How Should I Deal With This?

Congrats Sweety!
Give the little doll a big bear hug.
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What did your mil and sil expect at the hospital? A reception committee with Band Baja ?
Ask husband that.

Tell him clearly that your sil needed him to baby sit that is why this drama was created and it was a cheap stunt. What kind of people are willing to spoil relations for their convenience.

Your husband wants you to live with and bear with his mom but can't stay a day with your parents?

Don't let your husband make you feel like mil is indispensable .Today he is saying..just be quiet because we need her.....tomorrow he will say be quiet and be grateful.

Calmly tell him not to worry if his mom doesn't want to come to your city ...you can take more leave and your parents can help.Later on you can put your baby in day care.That will give them something to think .

If I were you,I would give the mil some silent treatment. If she says she loves you and all that...just ask why she did not attend the naming ceremony then and how she made the father of the child miss the naming ceremony of his own child.

Enjoy this phase sweety. Get nice massages,sleep a lot and cuddle up with your doll.

 

Sweety127
First of all, please don't be so nuch tensed as you are a new mom and must be breastfeeding your LO. It's a medically documented fact that some ladies develop postpartum depression and melancholic attitude. And all such things definitely affects the baby. Ayurvedic doctors recommend new mothers to be cheerful as it brings lot of positivity in a kid who then grow up to become a successful and responsible adult.
I'm not saying that you are wrong...but my dear...when your H wants you three to be happy together then what's wrong with that...
Secondly...instead of arguing with your H over my mother your mother issue....you just act smart. Be very polite with your H and tell him all the plus points about them eg...how much they cared for you during and after delivery and how much pain your parents undertook caring for your LO.
Husband wife relationship is very sensitive but tolerance and showing immense maturity is the key to a happy married life.
Follow what your parents say....with passage of time this too shall pass...

 

Believe me.....your Little one's face and her cute smile will make all your worries melt away...these problems will no longer bother you...dedicate this most beautiful and precious phase of your life solely for your cutie pie...because time that's lost doesn't come back.

 

Sweety...
I would echo what your parents have advised to you. Ignore and stay smart. That's the wonderful advice.

Remember that there have been a bitter past between your parents, in laws, SIL and even between you and your H. You all have moved on from that; thus the beautiful little angel is in picture now.
It is very easy for the H and W to forget all the past, and start their relationship afresh the moment they reunite and feel the essence of love. But it is never an easy task for the others to forget the past, although they may have forgiven and moved on.
So, such clashes are very common whenever there are events coming up, which requires both the families in one place.
Ignorance is the best policy. Don't complicate your own marriage and the future of the 3 of you (you, H and Kiddo) for others.

You can never forget your MIL. Despite of moving on so much, you still call her as a mentally unstable woman. Your anger and frustration on this woman is very much visible even in this thread.
Apply the same logic to your husband and his folks. They have a reason to have you around; thus forgave you (if at all you were wrong). But they have no reason to forget or forgive your parents. Just like you, they would be also calling names to your mom, who knows.
Accept the reality...!!!

It is better to leave it as that, and never to bring it between you guys!

When I delivered my first kid, all I expected was a great family union where both my folks and in laws to forget all the past to reunite for the kid. It did not happen. So I reacted, felt disappointed and complected the already messy situation a lot.

But with my second kid, I was so matured. Maturity came within just 2 years. This time, I stayed with mom. Never bothered whether in laws came or not. But I was cool when they visited us.
Never bothered about what was my H doing behind my back at in laws place, as I was busy with my 2 kids with mom.
When we returned back, all we had was some pleasant memories. It was a refresher to start with.

Let your husband stay at SIL's place if he thinks it is cost effective. Don't force him to stay at your mom's place, and then break your bone by looking after these 2 adults (mom and H) from their silly misunderstandings forever.
Save your time, to be happy at Mom's place now.

Be smart with what you spend, what your husband is spending, what is he promising etc...
Be smart when making decisions...

When you are back at home, you need your MIL for the kid. MiL's care is far better than any day care, specially in your case. So, tolerate this bit for your kid's safety and comforts.
Who cares whether they come to your parents' place or not after all... Act as if you have not bothered about this at all.

Don't provoke your husband right now. He is in the wrong hands... Wait till you are back in control.

 

Dear Sweety,
You are getting all caught up inbthe quagmire of 'famly drama,' and itsn't evn our nuclear famly. That is Your new baby and your husband and you. Men have th corrct idea
Just hear each one out patienly without responding but only with a smlevon tye face- Difficult? Keep looking at your baby; put ear plugs, say RAMA, RAMA or do ALL of that.
1. Be truly VERY loving towards your husband and give him positive feedback.
2. Just like you tell us the whole World minus him, tell HIM how much you LOVE it when he participates in his own baby's life. Tell him how special a look your lil one has for HIM! Tell him how daughters have special bonding with their dads...
3. If he can babysit for his sister he can his own babes (you and the lil Angel,) right!
4. Build bridges: This is your time to be pampered and rested-its not infinite- once it ends you'll be facing many responsibilities mostly by yourself - at this time you'll need help whomever gives it do keep all venues open and be kind in your responses and words to your parents and inlaws whenever they talk to you smartly not taking sides...ignore controversial and inflaming statements from anyone towards anyone forgiving them in your mind and forgetting that comment as soon as you hear it- if there sre compulsions and pressure to take sides say you feel like reting a bit and clearing your thoughts and doze off.
This is the way to steer your own little family-boat through the unsettling waters of this World, my dear, rising above yet staying successful in all your relationships.
I have lived in the USA now for 50+ years and raised children and have grandkids in college! We don't all get that lovely sabbatical in mommy's house for weeks (if not months) as we do in India and other traditional societies. We fo not get help even if in a package-deal from in laws either often... However, if you can keep your head above the waters in these situations, you can have a better, clearer perspective and a head that can 'think' right...while they each may need ONLY you, YOU need them ALLespecially your hubby and your baby!