1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Visiting The Us

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Viswamitra, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,370
    Likes Received:
    24,115
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    @blessings1010,

    There comes a time when we need to draw a line but don't know how. If they are my relatives, my wife is doubly careful and if they are her relatives, I make that extra effort to ensure they are happy. I guess, clean environment, good bed to sleep, three meals and laundry should stop the responsibility. The tour should become the responsibility of the guests visiting unless they are depending parents. Time to drive around, spending money to visit places, leave work to entertain the guests, buying gifts for the visitors, etc. become a stretch.

    Viswa
     
    blessings1010 and KashmirFlower like this.
  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,370
    Likes Received:
    24,115
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    @Gauri03,

    Tell me about it. Once one of our relatives told me that her daughter is arriving in JFK and asked me to pick her up. I live in Florida and it is a long distance to pick her up from the airport to drop her in the hotel. Another time, one gentleman wrote to me that his son is joining the University of Florida and asked me to pick him up at the port of entry besides looking after him. I told him that he needs to take a connecting flight to come to our city so that I can look after him. Later, I drove him to the University, got him registered as a student, found his apartment and returned to our town. I didn't realize that he asked me to provide financial support until he could navigate the educational system. I ended up paying his semester fees and living expenses for two semesters until he found teaching assistant job. Luckily he paid me back soon after he got a job.

    Viswa
     
    sindmani, Gauri03 and KashmirFlower like this.
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,370
    Likes Received:
    24,115
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male

    @chocolate,

    In a country where everyone look after themselves, your approach appears to be fair and reasonable. I need to shrug off my old school of thoughts and your feedback helped me to think constructively in the interest of both the guests and the host. I agree with you completely that I have made a mistake of driving 4 hours plus 8 hours of exposure in the Sun to show them around a theme park right after my arrival from India. If I slept on the wheel, it would have resulted in danger not only to my life but also the guests. As you said, these are lessons learned.

    From now on, the guests will be sufficiently informed:

    1) A prepaid cab will pick or drop them up if they are arriving/departing at odd time. Otherwise, they would be picked and dropped from and to the airport.

    2) Guests will make their own arrangement for site-seeing and we will facilitate suggesting places and how they could transport themselves. The guests should be able to spend on their own.

    3) Shopping also is their responsibility and only taking them to the Mall can be our responsibility.

    4) We will explain how to do laundry.

    5) No choice of food to their taste and whatever we eat whether it is prepared at home or bought from outside will be provided to them. This is because most say they don't like any other food other than cooked rice, dal, chappatis, curry, etc. Of course, if they are vegetarians, appropriate food will be provided.

    Viswa
     
    blessings1010 likes this.
  4. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    428
    Likes Received:
    682
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Good list Viswa Sir. May I add one more point in here?

    Guests should take adequate medical insurance for the entire duration of their stay before they plan a visit. Also carry their regular and emergency medical prescriptions, as many a times, we found that health care is not very accommodating for visiting guests except for emergency.

    Thanks!
     
    sindmani and Viswamitra like this.
  5. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    1,508
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, Guests shud also draw a line at imposing on hosts. I visit my friends and they do too. I always help out and same with them. We always go with we will entertain our guests so they don't feel upset. In today's world does this really work? Definitely not.

    Guests want more and more and once it starts its a bottomless pit. Nowadays I rarely hear any guests say the hosts went over and above for us.At the same time, they are a lesson to us so we don't become like them when we are guests.Also to wisen up for next imposition by guests like this.

    You are a great host. Its time you become a smart host too. Good Luck.
     
    Viswamitra likes this.
  6. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,551
    Likes Received:
    2,970
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for starting this thread. I think pretty much everyone here have experience with such guests. Here is my vent.
    My cousin and his family (wife and toddler) invited themselves to my wedding because it was easier to get USvisa on pretext if attending wedding. We were expected to pick them up from the airport (an hour away from our residence that we did). They stayed with us for a week. We were expected to take them for sightseeing. Free up our room in the hotel where the wedding was held so that they could change their outfits (she changed in three outfits in a 5 hr long wedding and top of that wore her wedding lehnga), asked DH's friend to drop her at a salon and pick her up in 2 hrs and pay for the hair and makeup because she forgot the purse. And then complained about everything - wedding wasn't Indian enough, good was just ok, cake wasn't with fruits, our house was too small, we took them out only 3 days (out of 4 post wedding)...yaada.......yaada. Now they live in Canada and haven't even called us once.
     
    Viswamitra likes this.
  7. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,551
    Likes Received:
    2,970
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Gauri, so true re geography. This happens so often. When we were in Midwest, people would expect us to meet them in NY or CA and if you try to explain, it is always that..oh, she doesn't want to meet. I do offer those people to come (fly at their own expense) and stay with us but as soon as they realize that I am not buying them tickets, they understand the distance. Now we are in CA and there is no escape:(.
     
    Gauri03 likes this.
  8. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,551
    Likes Received:
    2,970
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    One thing I have learned over the years is- stock up the freezer with Indian meals, paranthas, rotis, and curries. I don't cook often and have no time or desire to cook three meals. If someone is particular about only Indian food, help yourself with frozen food. And I have brochures for bus and train schedules to San Francisco and LA from city. Happy to drop off at the bus/ train station but simply can't drive for 2-4 hrs to take people to SF or LA.
     
    Viswamitra likes this.
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,191
    Likes Received:
    7,008
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    We have had the reverse situation in my family. My parents stay by themselves in India and have a little extra room now that we have left home. One of our close relatives has been in the US for over 50 years. This person was the first from teh family to emigrate, and has not extended even a pinky finger to help other family members when they first arrived in America. I am not talking of financial help or traveling to see them, they did not even bother to answer phone calls when my cousins and I arrived in this country. And then went around loudly complaining how no one bothered to contact or visit them.
    Now they are retired and travel to India frequently, to my parents' hometown where most of my family lives. They have managed to get on bad terms with almost everyone due to their poor behavior and my parents are one of the few who tolerate them. They arrived unannounced at my parents' house one day, declared they would be staying for two weeks and demanded the use of my parents' car for the time. Not to mention handing my mom a list of their dietary requirements. Thankfully my dad is not a pushover and showed them the door in a few days' time saying that they had prior travel plans. Bad guests exist everywhere.
     
  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,370
    Likes Received:
    24,115
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    @blessings1010,

    A very good addition. I have experienced a situation when a guest wanted to stay with us for longer but already knew was suffering from advanced stage of terminal illness. The guest wanted to stay longer with us after asking their children to leave. When it was embarrassing to tell, I ended up telling them that it would be best if these guest stayed with her children. She returned to India in 10 days and died within 15 days.

    Viswa
     

Share This Page