Thrift To Rift

iyerviji · Jun 22, 2016

Congratulations for being nominated by Jayakka

shyamala1234 · Jun 22, 2016

Agatha83 said: ↑

Anu was eagerly awaiting the monthly outing with her family, a Sunday evening, the only time where she would be relieved of her humdrum routine just for a few hours. Being a working professional with two growing up children, life for Anu was always on a fast track. Her husband, having unconventional hours of working, was the last one to give her a helping hand. But still she tugged on with her head-breaking job, for the financial security it offered her. So this monthly break of eating out was the most precious one she relished every month. But she and her children knew very well how it would end up!

Though Anu preferred a five-star hotel for the wonderful ambiance it provided, along with its amazing variety of mouth watering international cuisine that her children thoroughly enjoyed, her husband had an entirely different set of views when it came to spending or eating out. While both of them enjoyed the ambiance of star hotels courtesy their hi fi jobs, Anu also wanted her children to get a glimpse of such starry wonders once a while!

Having come from a poor family background, with poverty gnawing away all his childhood dreams, Anu’s husband Ashwin always was reluctant to part with money when it came to entertaining or eating out. So in the restuarant when the kids, with great anticipation, anxiously ordered starters, Ashwin would get worked up and ask them to curb their tendency to binge. The children then reluctantly obliged and selected some exotic dishes from the list of main dishes. Invariably, Ashwin would start calculating the cost of the items and asked the kids to change their options because of the price. Finally he would settle for an ordinary dosa, the one which suited his budget, a dosa which could be easily had from a street vendor. The children were heart-broken and the family would return home utterly disappointed. Anu had no say in the matter as she knew how the conversation would end up in ugly spats in public places. Thus a happy family that was looking forward for an exciting outing would end up with a disappointed weekend.

Anu could have easily skipped her husband and spent happy times with her kids in the restaurant but the kids longed to spend such prized times with their father, whom they rarely got to meet in person. Anu knew these were some of the few moments which Ashwin readily agreed to, but also was the one instrumental in ending it up with lots of unpleasantness. Ashwin loved the kids very much but was not ready to indulge in lavish displays of wealth, where as Anu enjoyed and savoured those special moments which could bring big happy smiles on her children’s face.

Anita was another home maker who had to run daily errands like picking up kids and dropping them at school, paying electricity bills, going to banks for cash withdrawals, cash and cheque deposits, buying vegetables, groceries - the list was endless. She was happy in helping her husband out as he was busy in his business. But what irked her most was his extreme stinginess. When her old mobile stopped working and couldn’t be repaired, she found it hard to communicate with important people she needed to talk to and she badly needed a new one. She could not understand the reason behind her husband’s reluctance in buying her a new one, when he could indulge with the latest smart phone in the market for himself. It was hard for her to digest the ugly truth- not giving the same priority to her, in spite of her constant reminders and doing a donkey’s job. Her husband was one among the stingy species who took their wives for granted and felt that she was not entitled to some basic luxuries because she was not a working woman and so no urgency for buying even a basic model of a phone. So when are men going to realize the preciousness of their better halves and treat them with the same affection and attention they pour over their inanimate objects?

Shekar had worked hard amid tight competition in the realty sector. Having started as an ordinary house broker getting commissions on rented houses, he grew up to become an owner of a realty firm. His financial position was comfortable. Owning two houses and a couple of cars for his personal use, clients and his family, his wife who had stood with him giving rock like support, helping him through troubled times, could now breathe a sigh of relief. So when he provided split air-cons in the bedrooms for the family, she could not believe herself because she knew her husband for his extreme thrift.

During peak summer, just when the children were enjoying the blast of cold air, amid their holidays, he would switch off the air cons and ask them to get used to fans which he felt would not guzzle more power unlike the air cons. His argument was that children should learn to live in difficult situations and times, which would help them face sudden twists and turns in life in future. But his wife would have nothing to do with his excuses since she felt she had already spent her entire youth with nothing but hardships and financial instability staring them at every step and so should they get the brunt of the torture when it is not called for. Both of them could not come to an understanding over conflicting issues and the children were the innocent victims of ensuing cross fire between the couple.

There are scores of men out there who inspite of having all the money in the world, find it hard to grapple with the constant feel of insecurity about losing their money and their family left in dire straits.They constantly talk about the bad old times of how they studied under hurricane lamps, how they walked miles every day to reach their school, how they ate only leftover rice soaked in water, and how they had to starve on many occasions. But the question is, in these times of instant gratfication, where things including money can be obtained with a click of a button, are the children prepared or even least interested in listening to bedtime sob stories even for a moment?

Yes, children should know the value of money because there may be times when they have to face financial crisis at any point of their lives. But giving long lectures about how their parents fought poverty will only put them off the main issue. Think of this: The children are going to be with you only for a few years till their schooling is over and then may leave their cosy nest flying to different parts of the country or world. So the precious moments they are with us should be made memorable for life time. It is ultimately their happiness that matters and what better mementos can we ask for other than the big smiles on their faces? The beautiful planned houses meant for your kids, the money stashed in the banks for their future will all be there, but when your kids grow up and leave, then it is going to be only virtual relationships you are left to deal with. So all those stingy husbands out there - please take a moment to pause over, think about the instability of life and live in the moment!
Click to expand...

Dear Agatha,
I agree with you. As Suryakala said.....moderate and being reasonable and balance are the key words.
Parents are busy with their jobs, children with their school work and activities. When they are all together in order to forget the stress and have a relaxed time we should not spoil it by counting pennies. A little more money would be spent which parents can definitely afford. O.K if your budget for a new dress exceeds by a couple of hundreds more then don't crib for it or an extra dish in a restaurant or a trip to the zoo or park or movie or some other outing. We need not give them lectures on money. These all would memories in the minds of kids when they grow up and leave home for studies or jobs or after marriages.
Children can understand the finances of parents by observing the way we live. They would not demand a helicopter or a very expensive car.
Yes, they should know the value of money. If they ask for a new IPhone or a an expensive bike .....then sit down and have a discussion and explain them your situation. They would definitely understand. But for small small things don't disappoint them.
No need to crib now for giving them properties or leaving them an inheritance. If anything is there that would go to them anyway.
Syamala

Shivalaya · Jun 22, 2016

Very thoughtful write up @Agatha83. Even my hubby doesn't like spending much on food or dresses. But he never stops buying for me or DS, though he spends rarely for him..

Agatha83 · Jun 22, 2016

suryakala said: ↑

Dear @Agatha83 ,

A thought provoking and very useful write up.

Moderation and Reasonableness are the two key words in all family issues including Management finances.

One need not adopt any rigid principle or stand in family issues. If children choose the most expensive items, probably nothing is wrong in going with them,once or twice. We may have a chat at appropriate time to instill the qualities of moderate and reasonable spending. While it is not advisable to spend crores on marriages a decent marriage respecting the wishes of the 'To be weds' and their mother with moderate and reasonable spending is always welcome.

A moderate and reasonable concern for future is justifiable. But this concern for future should not be so much as to choke the present life with frustration and inferiority complex compared with other peers.

A House wife has to play so many key roles in running a family. She has to be a moderator in many situations. True the Husband has got larger responsibilities but not as many varied roles of a House wife. Three of the many important roles are C.F.O and COO and CHRO of the family which includes Managing personalities of Husband and children .

Sure, we, Indian ladies all have done that, trained by our mothers and MILs for ages!
Click to expand...

Dear suryakala,

What is most irritating is finding poor people indulging in lavish marriages, taking money from pawn brokers, pledging their jewellery and finally ending up on the roads. Rich people can afford opulence with their money stashed up in swissbanks. The middle class is struggling hard to find the midway between thrift and indulgence. In our country even a lady CEO has to bear with the dominating ways of her stingy husband.

Saving for the rainy day by being frugal is a good idea, but what with dwindling interest rates provided by the banks and rising inflation, it makes sense to live for the moment happily. As you have pointed out , women have a larger role to play in keeping the family, including children happy, by presenting them with the most precious moments of their life.
Agatha83

suryakala said: ↑

Dear @Agatha83 ,

A thought provoking and very useful write up.

Moderation and Reasonableness are the two key words in all family issues including Management finances.

One need not adopt any rigid principle or stand in family issues. If children choose the most expensive items, probably nothing is wrong in going with them,once or twice. We may have a chat at appropriate time to instill the qualities of moderate and reasonable spending. While it is not advisable to spend crores on marriages a decent marriage respecting the wishes of the 'To be weds' and their mother with moderate and reasonable spending is always welcome.

A moderate and reasonable concern for future is justifiable. But this concern for future should not be so much as to choke the present life with frustration and inferiority complex compared with other peers.

A House wife has to play so many key roles in running a family. She has to be a moderator in many situations. True the Husband has got larger responsibilities but not as many varied roles of a House wife. Three of the many important roles are C.F.O and COO and CHRO of the family which includes Managing personalities of Husband and children .

Sure, we, Indian ladies all have done that, trained by our mothers and MILs for ages!
Click to expand...

Agatha83 · Jun 22, 2016

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Agatha,

When I read your snippet, I felt as though you have written about me. I have a similar background of conservative parents who raised me as a conservative. Zero debt, spend within the earnings and save as much as possible. Sacrificing enjoyment with the family used to come naturally to me. After a lot of discussions with the spouse arguing the importance of spending time with the only child we have in a meaningful manner just like you presented your reasoning now, I have changed a lot.

However, in the meantime, I have done a decent savings to protect our future. For the past few years, I have been more liberal in spending than I used to be in the prior years. I honestly feel it need not be either/or and it could be a balance between the two. We could spend where it need to be spent and at the same time it need not be to lead a life of luxury.

I have taken my family on an expensive vacation for our 25th Wedding anniversary but at the same time, I have not stopped saving as much as possible for rainy days. In life, sometimes, it is difficult to make decisions about what is the right thing to spend money on. Taking the family to a nice restaurant is least of my concerns. Similarly, traveling to India every year is also a subject not negotiable. Whenever, my son shows signs of conservatism, my spouse never fails to point fingers at me as a quality inherited from dad. Unfortunately, all decisions are not black and white and when something fall under the grey category, it becomes difficult to decide.

My two cents worth. Savings for rainy season is important but living in the present moment to make the children enjoy every moment with the parents is also equally important. It is the duty of the parents to strike the balance.

Viswa
Click to expand...

Dear Viswa,

We all face financial problems and insecurity till the time our children finish their education and have settled well in their lives. After that it is time for us to relax our rigid frugal habits and enjoy life at a leisure pace. After sixty each day in our life is precious, for death can knock our doors anytime.
I have seen people using palm leaf hand fans even in peak summer, just saving a good amount of money, while paying the electric bill.It is another matter that when they land up in the Hospital they have to spill out a lump some amount towards hospital expenses. As you have rightly said, live for the moment, though not on lavish budgets, but put a smile on the faces of our children, who are going to cherish those lovely moments forever.

Agatha83

Agatha83 · Jun 22, 2016

iyerviji said: ↑

Congratulations for being nominated by Jayakka
Click to expand...

Thank you Viji!

Agatha83

iyerviji · Jun 22, 2016

Welcome dear, my pleasure

Srama · Jun 22, 2016

Dear Agatha,

A nice write up. Fortunately, I am one of those pampered daughters. No no not the one who got everything she wanted, after all we were a big family too and add extended family, phew! But my dad made sure that we enjoyed every once in a while - you know good clothes, good food and some pampering. Thinking about dad all I can think of are the nice things he did for us despite whatever financial constraints he might have had, especially for his girls in life! So I understand what you have said in your last paragraph. It makes sense completely. Sometimes with our kids now I wonder if they know what being thrifty is at all. But then I have to remind myself that it is the memories - the life we give them, the love, the understanding, sometimes even our thriftiness that will eventually make their life and memories!

Agatha83 · Jun 22, 2016

Dear

shyamala1234 said: ↑

Dear Agatha,
I agree with you. As Suryakala said.....moderate and being reasonable and balance are the key words.
Parents are busy with their jobs, children with their school work and activities. When they are all together in order to forget the stress and have a relaxed time we should not spoil it by counting pennies. A little more money would be spent which parents can definitely afford. O.K if your budget for a new dress exceeds by a couple of hundreds more then don't crib for it or an extra dish in a restaurant or a trip to the zoo or park or movie or some other outing. We need not give them lectures on money. These all would memories in the minds of kids when they grow up and leave home for studies or jobs or after marriages.
Children can understand the finances of parents by observing the way we live. They would not demand a helicopter or a very expensive car.
Yes, they should know the value of money. If they ask for a new IPhone or a an expensive bike .....then sit down and have a discussion and explain them your situation. They would definitely understand. But for small small things don't disappoint them.
No need to crib now for giving them properties or leaving them an inheritance. If anything is there that would go to them anyway.
Syamala
Click to expand...

Dear shyamala,

Many parents of the present generation indulge their children with costly gifts, clothes etc, a privilege we never enjoyed. But some people cut corners and start counting, when it comes to buying even essentials for their dear ones. This would create bad vibes between family members and may lead to lots of unpleasantness and bitterness in relationships. Small gifts and outings enrich relationships and leaves one with happy lifetime memories. Thank you for your valuable FB.

Agatha83

Agatha83 · Jun 22, 2016

Shivalaya said: ↑

Very thoughtful write up @Agatha83. Even my hubby doesn't like spending much on food or dresses. But he never stops buying for me or DS, though he spends rarely for him..
Click to expand...

Dear Shivalaya,

Shivalaya said: ↑

Very thoughtful write up @Agatha83. Even my hubby doesn't like spending much on food or dresses. But he never stops buying for me or DS, though he spends rarely for him..
Click to expand...

Great to hear a positive portrayal from your side.

Agatha83