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How Do You Cope With Feeling Expendable?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Gauri03, Jun 20, 2016.

  1. kaniths

    kaniths IL Hall of Fame

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    Am not good in expert advises, +1 to everything Satchi has put, still dropping by to say, This will be okay. YOU will be okay soon, though 'soon' is indefinable here. A year, maybe two, even 5! Give the time this needs to heal. All of us here have these stories, sometimes we may not even get it the first time anything happens, Satchi says right, it takes first few times to understand how people work. Tune in some music. If the lyrics are bothering or reminds you of her switch to instrumental or anything you would like to do (watch CSI? really? but that too if it helps!) to distract yourself so you don't let the thoughts of her disturb you. Don't give in to think. Until you don't care at all. Then, you will be as comfortable as her, playing a stranger!
    TC G ji.

    (doesn't mean you have to have your guards up all time, but thats okay too, people meant to be in your life will find their way! In and out of course and thats what this is about, life is really about! I think I should stop typing already, a thing I ll never learn! Dammit stop. like now. stooopp!) : )
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2016
  2. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Gauri sorry to hear. All the above posters have given you excellent pointers. Many of us have gone through like this at some point or the other and the only thought that comes to my mind is curry leaves. My only question is ask yourself if the friend comes back will you be able to continue from where you left off? Then it's worth feeling for it else its not worth your time or emotions.

    Time is the best healer. no one is indispensable. Even with a loss of family member life moves on. During those hard times I used to watch 'Everybody loves Raymond'.
     
  3. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Gauri

    You are not alone trust me, I went through this few times, but now this year though I experienced the same in new place, my inner voice told "DA**N" it is happening again, I think I am over friendly/helpful and expect(very less this time, but still happened). But this time, I didnt react, think or even pay any attention to the situation and moved on in less than a day "WOW!!!" victory to me is my inner voice applauded me...

    So, people are like, use for their own self and will disappear when we really want some support!!! But these bitter experiences are not changing me, I am still helpful, friendly, warm and all but became strong to handle these cliches in this journey of friend relationship...

    I know you put time and effort but the other person is not reciprocating, accept and move on will be right thing todo!!!

    go for a walk with DH, if you would like, talk to him about what happened, get it out of your heart and mind, leave outside the house and start fresh day...you will good days ahead!!!

    Good Luck!!!
     
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  4. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for the thoughtful responses everyone. I have to read, reread and internalize them. It's the proverbial first slap. Need time to process and recover. It's been up and down again today. Mercifully this is one of those weeks at work. Have to make time even to breathe. At least it prevents me from wallowing in self-pity.

    I will come back with more personal responses later. There are so many questions echoing in my brain. For now, just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your words.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Curry leaves? Why?
     
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  6. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Use and throw. Its not consumed unless its made into a paste/powder ...Its a slang used in our part
     
  7. harinideep

    harinideep Gold IL'ite

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    I was in a similar situation today . since 3 days i am facing a problem . though it might not happen immediately , it has affected my mind so much that i got very depressed. In fact i was wondering whether i will survive to out of this thing . cannot vent to my hubby at all . i cannot vent to my mom as she will worry more than me . so i called some of my very very close friends . none of them picked the call . i had called yesterday too . none picked . Then i took photos of my favourite god and cried for almost 3 hours . as of now i am feeling better . Sometimes i feel it is waste to vent to human beings . better to vent to god .
     
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  8. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Gauri I understand how it feels and unfortunately it will linger in your mind forever in some form or other.

    Recently, at work I just became victim of an intentional sabotage on a critical project. A peer colleague of mine bad mouthed my project to his subordinates and his peers for his personal ego and personal gain causing a delay of shipment to our critical customer. Fortunately, he accepted "intentionally instigating others" in the meeting with our VP. But he has been around in the company for 13 years and I have been in the company for two years. The response from the VP was you both need to work together. I don't know how can I work with such a person. So my take is to wait and see what happens. I already have a job offer from another company. So will wait for a couple of months and decide.

    I am also just like you. I don't admit any one close to me. After 12th grade when I went for my engineering, my father gave a beautiful advice that I still follow. "Never be close to anyone and never be far from anyone." I don't volunteer to help anyone but if anyone asks for help I help out and at the same time, I avoid asking for help unless I know the person very well. I am blessed with a few friends whom I know I can call anytime and will help me.

    So the experience will stay with you forever so don't try hard to forget or remember it. Just focus your attention on different things, things you like and focus on family. When I am really mad at something, I try to cook a new recipe. That challenge keeps me going.

    Good luck dear.
     
  9. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    Hugs to you Gauri. Been in such situation twice, so can understand your emotion right now.
    You will emerge out of this stronger for sure. But don't allow this experience to make you shy away of forming new friends. If one or two person, is like that, doesn't mean all will be like that. Also remember the other good friends who are always there for you..

    When it happened to me, i realized, probably our journey together was destined only for so long. So i just tried to remember the good things we shared. Of course it was too hurtful , probably a month or so.
    But like all said TIME is a best healer. This too shall pass.
     
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  10. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Gauri,

    hugs! Not sure how I can comfort you right now. Perhaps a 'sister society' of I understand and hugs will help us all. Looks like we all need hugs here - a big group hug. Now like my DD says, turn that frown upside down. Beautiful day out there what with the solstice moon. Go enjoy!
     
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